Fic info.
Is That It? Am I Done?
Cordelia watched the tape again, smiling as Doyle said the familiar words. "Is that it? Am I done?" she asked along with him, her eyes glued to his mouth, loving the small twitch of a smile.

She was long past the tears. She'd dried up long ago. Now, she was almost giddy watching the tape over and over again. It was like he was still alive. Her finger pressed the rewind button on the remote. "Is that it? Am I done?" Cordelia let out a short breathy laugh. Her finger pressed again. "Is that it? Am I done?" Again. "Is that it? Am I done?"

"How long has she been like that?"

Taking a deep breath, Angel turned away from the window looking out to where Cordelia was huddled by the little TV and looked at Kate. "A day." He hadn't told her the details of Doyle's death, just that he'd been killed saving his life, Cordelia's life and the lives of twenty beings.

"Jesus," Kate gasped, placing her hand over her mouth. "A day?"

"The day before that she didn't stop crying. The one before that she didn't move." Running a hand over his wary face, Angel continued, "That tape she's watching, it's just a copy. She made it so she wouldn't ruin the original."

"She needs. . ."

"Help. But she won't respond to me and she didn't even notice that you came in. She's totally out of it and I called her old high school friends but none of them knew how to bring her out of it. Or none of them cared enough to think about it. If they cared, they'd've been here."

"Are you thinking of maybe getting her professional help?"

"She'll hate me."

"She'll get better."

Angel shook his head. "It's just too soon after it. She'll get better without institutionalizing her."

"Angel, do you see her?" Kate asked, pointing out at the girl.

Angel looked at Cordelia again and nodded. "I see her."

"See that smile? See that look in her eyes? See her mouth moving as she's saying the words that he says? She's losing it."

"I should go out and sit with her," was all Angel said in reply. Moving through his office door, he left the police officer alone as he walked to the small sofa Cordelia sat on. "Hey Cordelia," Angel whispered as he sat down, his hand resting on her arm. "We should probably turn this off now, okay?"

"Shhhhhhh," she said, her eyes never leaving the screen.

"Is that it? Am I done?" Doyle said.

Cordelia's finger hit the rewind button, then the pause. She turned to Angel, an awed smile playing on her lips. "Did you hear it?"

His brow creasing in question, Angel asked, "Hear what?"

"Is that it? Am I done?"

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, Cordy, I heard it."

"Is that it? Am I done?" she said again. He'd been hoping that by using her nick name, he would draw her out of this euphoric state. "Did you really listen to it? I don't think you did," she said as she shook her head. Her finger hit the pause button.

"Is that it? Am I done?"

She looked at Angel expectantly. "Did you listen?"

Angel nodded, then pulled Cordelia to him. "Yeah, I listened."

"Did you see his little smile?"

"Yeah, I saw it."

"Do you think he's going to come back soon?"

If he'd had a beating heart, it would have stopped in his chest. Tears pricked his eyes as he placed a hard kiss on the top of the girl's head. "I don't think. . ."

"He doesn't usually stay away this long, but maybe he just got caught up with. . ."

"He's not coming back, Cordelia. You and I both saw him die."

Shoving Angel back, Cordelia spat, "SHUT UP!" Her fists rained down on his hard chest as tears began to roll once more down her cheeks. Angel just let her hit him. It took a few long minutes, but finally she stopped, sinking down into a pool of limp flesh in his arms.

"It's okay, Cordelia. It's okay."

"You're stupid if you believe that."

"He wouldn't want you to be. . ."

"Shut up, Angel," she commanded, her voice dull. She pulled away from him and turned towards the television. Picking up the remote from where it had fallen, Cordelia hit rewind, this time letting it rewind to the beginning. She fast forwarded the bits that had Angel on it, his reaction to her idea, then pushed play when Doyle appeared. She watched it all the way through, her smile returning. "Is that it? Am I done?"

"Cordelia?" Kate asked as she neared the sofa.

The girl looked up, smile still present. "Kate," she sighed. "Did you hear him?" She rewound the tape, then spoke the words with him, "Is that it? Am I done?"

"Cordelia this isn't good. You need. . ."

"His full name was Allen Francis Doyle, you know. He was Irish and his accent. . . Here, listen to it again."

"Is that it? Am I done?"

Kate just looked at Angel, who was just looking hopelessly at Cordelia. Shaking her head, she just moved to the couch and sat on the arm, her eyes locking on the face of a man she barely knew onscreen.

"Is that it? Am I done?"