Author: Sare Bear
E-mail: keoughs@juno.com
Rating: G
Dedicated To: To all the lovely people at BA_Fluff:) You guys are awesome,
and I hope that my little insight in this story won't upset you:)
Disclaimer: I own none of the BtVS characters. They belong to the nice
people that I'm too tired to name off right now:)
The golden sun shone down upon her as she sat against a large maple tree,
absentmindedly listening to her boyfriend chatter away. To anyone that
looked, she was picture perfect, the soft breeze gently rustling her hair
and the sun creating a bright and innocent sort of look to her glowing
face.
She tilted her head to the cloudless sky and closed her eyes. Although
she could not see the sun, she could picture it perfectly in her mind. It
seemed to beckon her, to call her. She wanted to listen, to be devoured
in those beautiful rays that now shone upon her face.
But instead, she simply sat, drowning in the conflicting emotions that
sat inside of her. The voice of the man that now spoke to her, soft and
ever so sweet, was a constant reminder of what she needed. What was
wanted for her.
But what she ultimately didn't want.
Riley was nice. He was sweet. He was kind and gentle, always eager to
please her and practically begging her to give him the privilege of her
love.
And she wanted so badly to give in to him, to his impending love, but she
also wanted to be happy. And she knew that this boy, this happy and
innocent young man, could not give her that.
The one person that could give her what she wanted was gone. Had left
her. And why?
She still did not understand his reasons for leaving. Although she knew
that he had most likely been contemplating the life that she could have
without him, she also knew that something big must have happened to
confirm his shaky decision to leave her.
She hoped that someday he would tell her what it was.
But she knew that this wasn't likely to happen.
He had given her his final goodbyes, although he hadn't actually said
them. It had been more of a silent communication with their eyes, which
had burned with such a passion and desire that neither could turn away.
Until a deep mist had risen from the ground and they had just seemed to
disappear from the other's view. Only then had Angel been able to turn
away from her pained face, slowly yet briskly walking away from her, away
from her life.
It was all the mist's fault.
She sighed as Riley beckoned to her, just as the sun had seemed to do,
and held her hand, pulling her up with him and leading her to his desired
destination. Although she didn't know exactly where it was, she knew what
her own desired destination was.
Angel's arms.
The one place she longed to be, the place where she had seeked comfort
and warmth, where she had been surrounded by the love and the pain of a
relationship that could never happen again, she was not able to go to.
Her every being called for him, yearned for him, reached for a man that
wasn't there. She awoke with his name on her lips, she slept with his
image in her mind.
She wished it could've been Riley. She wished she could forget.
Yet at the same time, she wished she never would.
Because few people learn to love like she had. Most didn't have the
privilege of knowing a love so strong, one that was supposed to conquer
over everything else just because that's what true love was.
And she craved it. She wanted it. She needed it.
Riley could give her that.
So why didn't she accept it?
She smiled, for she knew the answer. She wanted Angel. She had always
wanted Angel. That would surely never change.
Or at least, she hoped it wouldn't.
There was still a small part of her, something so tiny that it almost
wasn't there, that still believed Angel would come back for her. That he
only needed a little time away to seek redemption for his sins. And then
he would come to her, sweep her in his strong and masculine arms, bring
her to his solidly built chest.
Forgotten memories and unspoken words drifted at the very back of her
mind, occasionally surfacing for only a moment, willing her to remember
the one day of perfect tranquility that they had had together.
One day. Twenty-four hours of peace was all that they had gotten. It had
been over all too soon.
And only Angel carried the memory.
The images of love and serenity still remained within Buffy's subconcious
mind, but she had yet to identify just what they were and what they
meant.
Hopefully, she would be able to sort it out soon.
She was attempting to date Riley, was trying to forget about the fact
that he was normal by day and demon hunter by night, just as she was.
And frankly, that was the only way it ever could be. Angel was wrong for
leaving her in that one respect. She could never have a normal boyfriend,
because they would probably die in her complicated life.
So she was one again stuck in a relationship that was forever doomed, one
that couldn't give her the normal life that she had once wanted and that
everyone else currently wanted for her.
She had been scared at first, to commit to something as twisted as her
first love had been, but she had eventually given in, knowing that her
fear couldn't be allowed to win her personal battle. She couldn't live in
that fear and let it overwhelm her, make her decisions for her, and take
love away from her. She wouldn't let it, because it had happened once.
Only it hadn't been her fear. It had been his.
And as she walked with Riley, hand in hand, she knew that although Angel,
her vampire lover, wanted her to have a normal life, she would never even
attempt for this to be so.
Because fate had already toyed with her and her ideas of normalcy, and
she knew that she would simply be disappointed again.
And maybe one day, her dreams and wishes would come true. She would meet
up with her Angel again.
