Author: Butterfly
E-mail: ellsie@hotmail.com or thebutterflyqueen@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 (for slight language)
Summary: Buffy adopts a walrus.
Notes: ‘Kay this was spawned from the thing that Joss said on the Bronze posting board: "Hello. Stopping by to lie a lot about what's coming up. Anyone else excited about the Buffy-adopts-a-walrus story arc? I know I am!" Then I got a picture and Elliot made a comment that turned it into a full-blown sillyfic in my head. I couldn't help it! Please don't hurt me. *meek lil' whimper* Also, I'm not really sure why I decided on it being from this POV.... *shrug* Also, also, this is set during the time that Spike was still chained in the bathtub. Gotta love Spike in chains....:)
Dedicated To: Elliot, of course, for his evil, twisted mind. *giggle* I love you, Elliot. Even if you did spend $800 in seven days. ...Then again...maybe that's why I love you....:)
Disclaimer: Joss owns Wally, I own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Why the hell did she go and do it? A walrus for God's sake! And a disabled one at that!
Another mystery: why did the people at the Disabled Water Mammal Foundation have to replace his broken tusks with wood? Why couldn't they just leave well enough alone? Now he's a danger every time Buffy drags his fat ass in here.
I heard from Willow that the damn bitch has taught him to slay Vampires. Great. I can see it now. Three Vamps givin' the Slayer some trouble and Wally—she named the bloody beast Wally—comes wriggling over and stakes them with his tusks. Then the Slayer throws him a fish and he barks like a sodding dog and claps his flippers in appreciation.
Fuck. That's just...weird.
And you should see him eat. He gobbles down whole buckets of slimy fish. He moves like a demented caterpillar. And his eyes are so God damned expressive. I swear to bloody fucking hell that he looks at me with disapproval every time I bitch at Buffy or Giles.
"Thanks, Giles. This means so much. I mean, I just don't think Mom would know what to do with him."
Uh oh. Speak of the Slayer....
She opens the door and Wally squirms his way into the bathroom. I'm amazed he can fit that girth through the door. He comes right up to the side of the tub and sets his head on the rim, looking at me forlornly.
"What the fuck do you want?" I ask, straining as far away from him as I can. He smells like salt and dead fish.
He barks and I start. He's so bloody loud. Then he puts his flippers on the rim of the tub and nearly knocks the whole damn thing over.
"Wally! Down boy!" Buffy commands and he obeys. She tosses him a fish, then pats him on the head.
"What's he doing here?" I ask her irritably.
"I'm going on vacation to visit my dad and I needed someone to look after him. Giles said he could stay here." She gives me a smile of pure evil. "I'm sure you two will keep each other company."
"Slayer!" I exclaim warningly, but she's already out the door, shutting it firmly behind her. I turn to look at Wally and find him looking back at me in that woebegone way of his. He leans his head on the tub again, hooking his tusks over the rim, and lets out a breath sort of like a sigh that makes the folds of skin on his face ripple.
I groan and settle as far away from him as possible.
What the fuck did I do in a past life to deserve this? First I get kidnaped by those damned commandos, then they put something in my head that makes it impossible for me to hurt anyone, then I have to ask for help from the Slayer, and now I'm rooming with Wally the Vampire Slayer Walrus.
