it's been so long... what do i need to tell you? there's the cathay thing. i decided to end things there, mostly due to her decision to become a prostitute via the internet. we had sort of a fight/discussion about it over aim, and i haven't really spoken to her since. or jeff for that matter. him, i really haven't spoken to. and mostly, that's ok.
vanessa came to visit this past wknd. we took mom to the outback for dinner. her bf's been in the hospital for a couple weeks, so i've been trying to spend time with her and help her get out of the apartment. vanessa's visit overall was uneventful.
the d&d game has been going very well. we've also been playing 3 dragon ante a lot... and amy (my boss) gave me the coolest shirt for Christmas: choose your weapon.
watching buffy sn4 and angel sn1 with mark, which has been really fun despite those being the worst seasons for each show. trying to read song of susannah but having trouble committing to reading.
oh, how interesting my life sounds on paper.
beat on the brat -- Rx --
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took my mom to the hospital yesterday to visit john. remarkably, it was my first non-emergency room visit ever. i found the place to be kinda pleasant- quiet and safe feeling. no one hollared 'stat!' and it didn't smell like stinky death. my mom was grateful that i took her to see him; she thought for sure he'd die in his gal bladder surgery today. alas, no luck. after the hospital, we went shopping at a.c. moore where i bought some scrapbooking supplies and at barnes & noble where i got a soduku puzzle book. fun.
after that i had the whole night to myself for the first time in ages. i had some evenings alone when i was with tim... but i spent most of those with mark anyway. it was a rare tuesday night w/o d&d (adam is rebuilding houes in florida), so mark went to games workshop, and i made a valentine, watched devil's rejects, and hit the porn store for a sexy adult film to watch with mark when he got home. i chose tight young cum holes- four hours of miscellaneous sex. we only watched about half of it, but it was a party indeed. we hadn't fucked around like that since we first got together. i had been so pent-up all day that i could barely cum... but we managed somehow. ;] time will tell if there'll be an encore performance this evening. chances are lost and invasion will distract us.
today, i had one of my migraines. super fucking fun waste of a day off.
did i mention that hostel was a complete waste of everything? as was fantastic four? and king kong? but that we're going to see carlos mencia for valentine's day? the new korn cd rocks. continuing d&d goodness, as well as 3DA...
...and during friday night's game of said card game, our neighbor's house caught on fire. i hadn't fully respected the fireman until i watched him walk on a roof over a room engulfed in fire towards a wall engulfed in fire. did i mention the part with the fire? there was a lady on a roof that was rescued and cats whose whereabouts are unknown. it was scary and fascinating... and mark got doused by the hose. that was funny.
i was at rutgers doing my college semester 10 years ago (as of the 15th of this month). i've been doing all kinds of reflecting on that, all of which has led to positive feelings about where i am now. hooray, now. and hooray nostalgia and hooray the past.
God bless the broken road -- Rx --
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To Jeff and Cathay:
If you're reading this and you want to know why I deleted you (from my LJ, from AIM, from MySpace) without even a word beforehand to explain myself, it is because my manager broke her hand at work and I had to rush there so she could go to the hospital. That is why you were deleted without an e-mail or posting to explain.
If you can't figure out why I decided that I just couldn't have (or not-really-have) a healthy conversation with you or why I am upset about all the things that have polluted my life or why I gave no indication beforehand or why I may be acting like a bitch... Well, if you can't figure out why I shut the door on you, that just proves that the door needed to be shut.
Best of luck to both of you in all your many endeavors.
maybe it's time to say goodbye now -- Rx --<
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was that really the last time i updated? geez.
there has been no ugly dramatic backlash from that. i have had no pangs of regret or sadness. i don't miss them... which is kinda strange considering i met jeff 10 years ago this month, and how tightly i held onto him for all that time. i don't read their journals. and isn't it odd how we do this now, so casually? we blog our secrets where our ex-friends can read them; then they point and laugh. and the pretentious photos all over myspace. (see my new one above!) we think we're fucking rock stars.
ultraviolet goes on the list of shitty movies that wasted my life. i didn't get a chance to see walk the line or capote before the oscars, and that sucks. i really thought brokeback shoulda won some more awards, but still... hooray, crash. can't wait to see the hills have eyes remake (i heard they eat the baby) and squirm.
we're on season 2 of angel and 5 of buffy. i can't wait until the full list of guests gets posted for the comic convention in philly. i am trying to take the best possible mix of days off... mark's big tournament is mid-may; the wknd after is monster mania (with jeffery combs!!!!); 2 weeks later is wizard world. UGH. why can't these things happen during the week? i can't get 3 3-day wknds off that close together. grr!
megan is visiting from california, and we're having breakfast tomorrow morning. this brings me joy. i missed her on at least one occasion in the past 2 years, and i think i've only seen her once since she left. i SUCK at friends. seriously.
a handful of superawesome events coming up: rob zombie concert at the electric factory on the 30th; working the show at the house of blues on the 31st. !!! on easter, devils game against the flyers, in jersey. and in june, possibly the best modern metal lineup on the unholy alliance tour: slayer, mastodon, lamb of god, and children of bodom. oh, and thine eyes bleed because someone had to open... the ozzfest lineup is for the most part SHIT, but i'll still be working them, if possible.
d&d is still going grrreat. (that's a monter-summoning in-joke.) it's strange having an in-character theological debate about realms' gods. see my pix section for the best shirt ever. and i got the PS2 working with the surround sound, so i started playing x-men legends. yippee!
that's all that jumps to my migraine-y mind. why am i always ill on my days off?
insert witty quote here -- Rx --
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been spending a buncha time fucking around on myspace, even made a new friend. his name is dan, and he is a geek. we're going to try to meet him face-to-face soon and see if he's skeevy or nice. i am hoping for nice. i may scare him off by being such a spaz... i've also gotten back in touch with jayand added jessie and lorraine. it also helped me hang out with megan when she came home from california and with meg, mark's brother eric's fiancee. :] now i've just got to see jay and terri (listen to her on y100rocks.com on tuesday mornings) and melissa.
went to both rob zombie shows, which were phenomenal. i want to go every day. watched the devils crush the flyers today; was the only game we went to this season, and it was the last home game. playoffs are going to make me crazy... if we win the cup, i'm getting their logo tattooed on my right shoulder.
jessie is home from hawaii, but it doesn't look like i'll be spending any time with her. she and his sister and her dad came to see me at the mall saturday, which was incredibly sweet. i got to have lunch with them in the food court. maybe mark and i will 'honeymoon' down there.
work has been work-y. poor amy keeps having shit happen, which means i have to cover her shifts... but it looks like i am getting off the dates i need for monstermania and wizardworld. i have no problem covering for her (or anyone) when they need help, or staying longer, or working extra days... but i've cancelled a shit-load of plans, so it's a nice reward.
started cross stitching a bit. was smart this time and bought a very small picture to work on. that way, maybe i'll finish...
i'm sure i've got tons to say... but i don't remember.
marzipan in your pieplate -- Rx --
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had a phenomenal past two weekends. first was warhammer games day in baltimore, where gabe won the tournament and mark won best army. i always have a blast there, checking out other games and seeing the new models. i especially like guessing which models will win the painting contest; often, i am right. the experience inspired me to try painting again so i am about halfway done a chaos warrior that looks about the equivalent of a second grader coloring a picture with crayons. :] mark is looking forward another tournament in chicago in july.
this past weekend was monster mania, a fucking kick ass horror movie convention in cherry hill. brian and i tried to attend last year but arrived when most of the events were finished and the dealers were closed... this year, we planned ahead. i got to meet JEFFERY fucking COMBS (from reanimator fame for all you bitches). i bought a lithograph from doctor mordrid that he signed for me, and got my picture taken with him. i also met the cenobites from hellraiser but forgot to get my pic taken with pinhead because i am retarded. i also missed pix with sid haig, and totally couldn't even find where lance henrickson was signing. i was so nervous from meeting bill moseley that i almost couldn't breathe. i spent too much on autographs and not enough on toys. luckily for me, they do this twice a year, and the next one is in august. and guess what? lost. boys. reunion. corey haim and corey feldman. i could just die...
so, i am on a renewed horror kick. i felt at home at the con, even tho i didn't really socialize or anything. OH! and there was rhps saturday night. it was the first time in years and years that i stayed through an entire show, and although it wasn't the best presentation of it i had seen (mostly due to the cast not knowing the venue and the screen being too small and a bit too low), it was exhilirating. my new pal dan (who has yet to be creepy or psycho) was a virgin but loved loved loved it as well; brian hated it to death.
wizardworld is in two weeks and i barely care.
had lunch with jay. going to see butch walker with melissa. might go to a show of lorraine's. got friend-requested by ris on myspace. alana called mark and mentioned that rob is going to be at wizard world on sunday. i had this 4-second mindfuck before i realized that i didn't care. i wasn't going sunday anyway. da vinci code sucked. and i still need to buy the new snow patrol.
another one rides the bus -- Rx -- ____________________________________________________________
adding a new poem. wtf not? i'm sad at how little i write anymore. poetry just hardly ever comes to me, and i never try to write stories anymore. it's partly because of time, and mostly because i have no ideas. what happened to my creativity? my desire to do anything? i've been actively watching horror movies, trying to turn something in my life to a real hobby. i barely read anymore, either. i sit around and waste time and it's really starting to piss me off. i miss being young and having people around to help motivate me, and i really miss working 15 minutes from home. my hour long commute just sucks so much time away. if i work a day shift, i am gone from 8am until almost 7:30pm. night shifts, 12pm until about 11pm. that means that on days, mark and i can have dinner and maybe watch a netflix before he falls asleep, which is usually before 11pm. on nights, i don't see him. and i sleep too much (which i've always done, and i do more when i am depressed, which of course depresses me more). and often by my days off from work, i am so thoroughly exhausted that i don't want to do even the basic things i need to do (laundry) and i can't quite unwind, even when i am having fun. fucking ug.
plus, mark's gout has been fucking him up for the past week, so he's been a miserable ball of pain. we had 3 days off together (one he came home early from work, 1 was the day of the slayer show, and one was a sunday), but couldn't do anything because of his pain. we even left the concert early. i really wanted to play some mini-golf with him, or take a day trip to a.c. i've got to work at least the next 3 sundays in a row, too.
but in happy news, the godsmack/rob zombie concert is on my birthday. :] it's the wknd after the next monstermania con, and i should have vacation that week. maybe i'll relax then.
"why would i sacrifce the best thing that i have/ well it makes it easier to know exactly what i want" -- Rx -- _______________________________________________________________
june 20