listening to the ramones tribute cd, which isn't half-bad. first time i heard it, i thought it blew... but it's actually kinda nice. except for tom waits (nails-on-a-chalkboard-voice). pretender's version of something to believe in is on now. funny, i thought that was a poison song.
we're getting snowed in. they're saying 20 inches. mark and i went to the store and got provisions. at least now i don't feel bad about not being able to drive around today... i think i broke it last night. gotta take it back in whenever this week.
got a copy of the player's handbook yesterday. i'm going to study it, and then seek out some people to play d&d with. my pal jeremy's into it, and mark's friend nick wants to play. hard part is finding a dm, cuz mark's already in two games now. we'll see. i didn't go to that poetry thing this month; assuming i have my car, i'm going next time. started reading eye of the world by robert jordan. so far, so good. also been doing word puzzles. trying to spend minimal time moping around.
there's a girl that works at the hot topic in my mall that i think is pretty cute. everytime some chickie comes around that i think is attractive, i ask myself these questions: why the hell would she have any interest in me? what do i have to offer her? why do i care since i have a boyfriend? what am i supposed to say to her? how do i know if she likes chicks? and in this case, can i still shop there if she turns me down? also, do i really want a girl who works for hot topic? i am like a fourteen year old boy when it comes to girls.
i don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary -- Rx --
____________________________________________________________
so, did you ever get the feeling that you were left out of the joke? how 'bout that you were the joke? i got that going on right now. it's simple. i am a bad friend, but i think i am the offical bad guy among some people i know. just because i've been a bit insane, and maybe inconsitent, and maybe because i am a happier person then they'd like me to be. i'm not really sure. no one's let me know anything. i think i want to be offended, or feel totally rejected, but mostly i find it to be a relief.
mark's friend tim brought his girlfriend kim over last night to watch smackdown. apparently she hasn't met any of his friends in the year that they've been seeing each other. i thought it was kinda nice that he trusted her to me and mark. you'd think since i'm so awful... but anyway. i think we all had a really good time. she used to be in the rocky cast at the harwan. she played magenta.
my cat refuses to stop scratching up the back of my desk chair. grr!
did i mention that my car died again? saturday night when i was driving home, the fan belt broke. and then with the eight feet of snow i just left it for the week. i guess i'll get it fixed next week. *sigh* i only have sunday off, but i'm working 45 hours, which'll be nice. ($18 OT!!!!) i'm trying to convince mark to give up the jeep so we can buy a new car. the dude wants the same amount of money that we're paying now for 2 years, not including what we've already paid since november. it just doesn't make sense to spend that money. so hopefully we'll share my car for maybe five months, and buy him a new one. then in a year or so, i can buy one for myself (ooh, ion! oooh, beetle!). i've also desided that i want to get a second job to make maybe $50 a week. that way i can pay off my credit cards in about a year.
in other news, i've been getting sinus headaches every day. sleeping poorly, and way too late on my days off. trying to decide if i want to go see sebastian bach in jesus christ superstar in philly next month. we went to a devil's game this week. first one we went to where we lost. played the best team in the league, so i'm not too sad.
guess that's all for now...
i doubt it; i drove. -- Rx --
_______________________________________________________________________
i sent out an e-mail to mark's friend joel today. i don't think i ever really went into this story, so i'll summarize now. mark and joel met at a warhammer tournament a few years ago, and they quickly became close friends. the three of us spent a lot of time together whenever joel had time, between his wife & kids, and travelling for his job in the air force. last june, while we were watching a movie here and when mark went to the bathroom, joel decided to stick his hands in my shirt and grab my boobs. needless to say, i freaked out. my other sex assault issues kicked in, and my brain sorta shut down. i went to the bedroom and tried to calm down. they finished watching the movie, but when joel was headed out the door, he broke down crying and told mark what he did. it's been a really awkward situation since then. joel moved to germany, but he and mark still have some contact. this bothers me because this man assaulted me... but then again, people make unwanted passes all the time, and it's normal. but if one of my friends touched me, mark would not accept me having contact with them, yet it's ok if his friend does it. then again, people make mistakes. so, i am confused. i can't tell how big a deal this should be. it makes my head hurt. i didn't bring any of this up in my letter; mostly i wanted to hear his thoughts on the pending war. i'm just not happy unless everyone's getting along.
new band that rocks: evanescence. and if you haven't seen the ring you should.
there is always something there to remind me -- Rx
______________________________________________________________________
and on this day in history, my friend rob died. 13 years ago, in the 6th grade. got hit by a car. i went to the cemetary last september; i hadn't been in at least five years. it's so very sad.
made mark a mixed cd the other night, and we played it in the jeep on our drive to atlantic city saturday morning. it was great. there were enough funny songs to keep it light ("d&d" by stephen lynch), and enough songs that mean something to us to keep it personal ("forgive me" by godsmack). he seemed to enjoy it then, but yesterday he mentioned to me again that he was listening to it and listed some more songs that he liked ("fuck it" by seether). i made a label for it with a picture of his chaos chariot from warhammer.
reading great gatsby. going to get the squeaky belt fixed in my car when mark gets home from work today. i hope they can do it quickly because i need to go up to my store and do a surveillance tonight. stupid waste of time. got tix to see evanescence next month; devils game tuesday. ordered some stuff from the homestarrunner site. and i joined the columbia house dvd club; got 5 for $.49 each (braveheart, gladiator, usual suspects, final destination, and miss congeniality). bought the new linkin park cd.
it came to my attention monday that andy has been seeing underage girls. i guess that since i dated a 25 yr. old when i was 17 i don't really have any room to judge... so i'll just tell you that he's 24 and his last two girlfriends were 15 and 16, and you can make your own assessments of his Christianity and moral character. all i can say is that he seems like a truly well-adjusted individual whose heart is always in the right place. and he likes to fuck little girls.
i believe in miracles -- Rx --
___________________________________________________________________________
i thought they would kill me. yell, or throw things. pitch me down the stairs, or over the glass onto the ice. but instead nothing. all i did was something i always used to do, starting with the pledge of allegience in high school. i didn't stand up for the national anthem. i would have, i was going to. i'm not insensitve, and i stood when we went after 9/11. but i felt so ashamed as the woman sang o canada (to honor the toronto team that the devils were about to face) because the crowd resounded with boos and canada sucks chants. fuck that. disrespectful assholes. no wonder the world hates us. so i sat back down, heart pounding, hands sweating. and you know what? it felt good.
mark took me to philly today to see the lion king at the imax theater. i was so happy. i love that movie! go lions! it comes out on dvd finally in october. :)
haven't really been in touch with anyone lately. just mark's friends. theft seems to have gone up in my store and i'm very very stressed about it. dumb fucking punk kids. i think i might go rent dog soldiers.
hakuna matata -- Rx --
_________________________________________________________________
i am very good at throwing up. there was time, a few years ago, when i was so heartsick that i threw up no less then twice a day. this comes in handy when i have had too much to drink or catch a nasty virus, as seems to be the case right now. left work early yesterday with an unhappy tummy, and in a few hours was delerious with fever. much better now, tho.
the people in mark's game are talking about kicking out that girl i dislike, again... what-ever.
read a book that my manager wayne wrote, called diary of an earthman. it was pretty good. it was one of the most original stories i've heard of. it seems like it's going to be about what happens to humanity after an alien race saves us from our planet's destruction, but it's actually about one man getting a new lease on life. when it gets published, you should read it. (that means you should get it published, wayne.)
got a new cell phone, cuz the battery in my old one died. my new one is so much cuter. car's been working fine for a couple weeks now. and the radio works now, too.
new liz phair cd comes out in june!!!!
feel the wrath of an egyptian god card -- Rx --
__________________________________________________________________