We're nothing like God. Not only are our powers limited, but sometimes we're driven to become the Devil himself.
--Wolfwood, Trigun
We aren't running low on supplies, exactly, but we have to keep our stores up. We're not sure what'll happen as we get closer to Christian's territory. The map indicates we're somewhere near Wyoming. Well, it was Wyoming when the map was made; guess we might as well keep calling it that.
The others are getting further from us; we're thinking maybe we'll stay in one place a couple of days, give them a chance to catch up. Our last communication from them was ambigous at best.
None of us have mentioned it, but we're all afraid we'll lose them to Leonardo's search for Sal.
I remember losing my daughters. It's impossible for me to blame him.
But we have a mission of our own to follow, and this waiting is already starting to wear on April. Raph-- fiercely protective of her as he is-- is starting to lose patience too.
I don't know what we'll do if this isn't resolved soon.
"Jesus," Raph says suddenly, and we all turn our heads to follow his gaze.
When I get a glance, I stop the car.
We all get out to stare at the crater.
I think it used to be Cheyenne.
I am standing too close to Raphael. Our secret is getting to be less of a secret every day; what was once just physical is... well, I don't know. Not exactly. It's more than friendship now.
I wish I knew what it was.
Mike is starting to notice.
I want to move a little further away but I'm afraid it will call more attention to us.
The crater is probably a hundred feet deep, shallow, filled with unnaturally green water.
"There was a fort or something, right?" Raph is trying to be casual but I can hear the tension in his voice.
"Yeah." Mike has carried the map out with him. "Francis E. Warren Air Force Base. Geez."
"Who would've bombed this far into the States?"
"God knows at this point," Raph tells April.
We stand and stare at it for a long time. No birds, no animals, no sound. They'll come back in time; already a little strange-colored grass is growing here and there.
"Why did we do this to ourselves? How could we?"
"Don't look at us," Raph says to me wryly. "They never let us vote."
Miles later, the grass has grown back again and is mostly green. We stop at a store in the afternoon, the new definition of one-stop-shopping-- a house that's been converted to a bar, general store, and restaurant. They cater mostly to travelers but you can find locals, too; lonely people looking for companionship in these loneliest of times. This one is a beautiful two-story cape that they've somehow managed to keep painted; it has a garden in the back and barrels of alcohol and water out front. A few junky cars and motorcycles are parked in the front; I pull around back to give the van a little more room.
We get in, sit down; Raph and mike go up to the bar to negotiate. They're there a while.
The table across the room is starting to bother me. They're a mixed group, humans and mutants, some attractive, some ugly. Five or six of them. And there's something about them... I know it's stupid, but they just look... they look bad. They look evil.
That's when I realize April has noticed them too, and has gone stone still beside me.
Please, I think-- I guess I pray-- please let them just look familiar. Don't let them be...
They're looking over at us.
At April.
They wink. They leer.
It's them.
April used to be independent and tough and she lost her husband and her family and her child and then they--
My stomach sinks into the floor.
"Hey," one of them says, and I want to throw my drink at him. The whole glass.
But I can't. Not here. There are rules.
We don't want trouble. We can't afford trouble.
I swallow my bile and look for an escape.
Raphael has noticed us, and he's making a deep, low sound in his throat. Almost a growl. He strides across the room from the door, getting between them and us. Laying claim, I realize, and I'm too angry at the men to be offended. "You guys okay?"
April looks at him like a frightened animal. "Fine," I offer. But there's not much conviction in my voice.
"You let us know if there's any trouble," he says. "Helen, I want you to come over and check something out for us in a minute..."
"Sure."
I force April to drink a little something. Mike is negotiating with the owner; I notice hard cheese, dried meat, some promising-looking vegetables, and most precious of all a jug of sweet water.
At least we got something out of this stop.
Raph is walking over to him, interrupts the conversation. The owner frowns, says something; I can't hear him but the tones are harsh.
Mike says something, lays his hand on the owner's, reassuring him. The owner nods and one of our nuggets of gold is traded for the supplies. Thank goodness some people still think it has value.
They amble slowly over to the table. I see they've each gotten a glass of the local brew.
"What now?" I want to get out of here.
"We drink our beers," Mike says.
"Take our time," Raph adds.
"Gotta stay calm."
"Relax."
"Don't want any trouble."
"Don't want to... disturb good customers." Raph glances over at April's rapists for a second, and pure hatred flashes in his eyes.
"What was that thing you wanted me to look at?"
Mike looks up from his beer. "Oh, right-- it's out back. An engine."
I know nothing about engines. "So you want me to--"
"Bring the car around, you know, check it out."
Bring the car around. I nod. "So when...?"
"Oh, take your time. Might as well finish your drink," Mike says. He smiles into his beer, and I realize he's watching the men from the reflection in the glass.
"Okay."
"Might even want to have dinner here-- 's been a while since we had a hot meal."
We drink in silence. Raphael gets up, mushes by one of the guys on the way to the bathroom, comes back and sits with his back to them. He takes out a lighter I've never seen before, starts flicking the flame on and off.
When did he steal it from them?
"Think it's breezeproof?" Raph asks Mike.
Mike shrugs his shoulders, confused.
A meal I barely taste later, they start getting up to leave. Mike looks over meaningfully at me.
"So I'll go check out that engine--"
"Great," Mike says, "why don't you take April out back with you?"
"Sure. You got the bill?"
He nods. "We've covered it."
I don't like the sound of that, but they've clearly got some kind of plan, so I get up and offer April my hand and she grabs it like a lifeline. She has been doing so much better; I am so angry at those men, for what they did to her, for what seeing them again has done to her. She takes the supplies Mike gives her; I take the jug of water.
We don't walk too quickly; I'm damned if we're going to give those men the satisfaction of our fear. They come out just behind us. I steer April toward the car and hear the front door opening and closing again; I assume it's Mike and Raph.
Then I hear the sounds of a fight; a confused "What the--?" from one of the rapists, and I glance back for just a second.
Mike and Raph have their weapons out.
They're going to kill them.
The realization shouldn't surprise me but it does.
I walk a little faster to the van. I unlock the back and April helps me get the supplies in. Agrippa has been leashed to the back bumper; she doesn't want to go into the van at first. She's growling at the fight. Mike and Raph are thrashing them; guess that's no surprise.
My ex-husband used to watch boxing; I never did. I found it brutal, mindless.
Is it my mutation or the harsh life we're living that's changed me? I can see the strategy now, the elegance of it; Mike tricking a human into making a foolish mistake, Raph overpowering another with brute force and will.
April is watching them, her face frighteningly blank.
Raph turns to us and sees that we're not in the van. "Helen!"
Guess I'm supposed to be moving now. I close the door behind Agrippa and April and I get into the front. I start the engine and swing toward them, my eye on them, hoping like hell they don't throw anyone under the wheels. I don't think I'm ready for that.
Raph is saying something to Mike; Mike nods.
And I watch as he calmly, almost casually, snaps the neck of the man he's fighting with.
I can't breathe.
What terrifies me is not the deaths; it's how easily I accept them, accept the rightness of what they're doing.
I stop the van hard and they slam in. "Good customers," Raph spits, flicks the lighter open.
And I realize what he's about to do.
I try to grab his arm, but he's thrown the lighter out the window before I can do anything, and before I can even think he's pushed his foot over mine on the gas pedal.
"Come on, Helen," he growls at me.
"The people in there--"
"Come on!"
"They weren't all--"
But it's too late now, isn't it?
Agrippa--
I let him drive, run to the back of the van, cover the dog's ears as the explosion hits.
The van shakes and I can feel a flash of heat hit the back.
What--
"Who are you?" I find myself whispering. I'm not sure if I'm talking about him or myself.
I put my hands down to steady myself and realize the van is no longer shaking. It's me.
Mike's hand is on my back. "It's all right," he whispers. "It's okay."
"No, it's--"
"Shh..." he says, puts an arm around me, and I cling to him, forgetting April and Agrippa, forgetting everything but the pain... who am I?
What have I become?
"Helen," Mike whispers, and the sound grounds me.
There are tears in my eyes.
"Helen."
"What the fuck is going on?" Raph, in the front, still driving, the van swerving with his speed.
"Just drive," Mike snaps, still holding me.
Still holding on.
