"You okay?"
"Fine," I say, adjusting the headphones. "Jamming the Emperor's frequency on... two of the FM frequencies and one AM; broadcasting on our own on 93.7 FM and 830 AM. If we're lucky, people have started rebroadcasting it on their own by now. We've told 'em how to often enough."
"All right." Raph leans back in his chair. "Let's get the party started--" He flips the switch, pots up the Hendrix, drops it down. "Hello out there, all you--"
"Raph."
"What?"
I point at the mic switch.
"Fuck," he mutters, and turns the mic on. "Hello all, welcome to another night of the Ragin' Raphael show, the show that tells you everything the good Emperor does not want you to know... tonight we're going to bring you our usual combination of rumor, innuendo and propaganda, as well as a very special guest appearance from our lovely local intern, Alex, who'll be telling you about... ah..."
I shove the piece of paper under his nose.
"...'simple antibiotics and antiseptics you can make, grow, and salvage yourself.' Which is important to know... er... anyway. Alex is coming up at the top of the next hour, it's nine o' clock here, Eastern time... and we'll be right back with the news." He slams the mic down, pulls the music up. "Fuck."
"Don't worry, Raph, two, three more years, you'll get the hang of it..."
He growls at me and picks up the sheets of paper Jeff gave us. "I shouldn't even bother calling this shit news..."
"Oh, don't worry, the way you deliver it..."
He flashes me an evil grin and snaps the papers. "Right. Let's go."
"You think someday, when you're a big boy, you'll be able to do this yourself?"
"Shit... I hope not."
I shake my head at him, start the news cart, pot him up. "You're on."
"We're back, and as I do at this time every night, I'd like to thank my lovely engineer April for keeping us on the air..."
I hit the applause cart, turn my mike on. "You know, I have to turn on my own applause..."
"Them's the breaks, babe. Anyhow, on to the news. We call it news 'cause it's new. Mostly it's rumor, but we do what we can..."
Not bad for him. One night, he told everybody just to ignore it all, 'cause Jeff made it all up that afternoon... the depressing part is I think he was right.
"Our contact in New England, who's been pretty reliable, says that a bunch of people are getting together and fixing the bridge on I-89 near White River Junction, which would almost make that branch passable again... so if you're around there, you might wanna stop by..." He flips past one story. "Ah, celebrity gossip, as if anyone cares... oh, this ain't bad. Pammie Anderson Lee was seen recently by somebody in LA... claims she's part poodle now."
"They could tell?"
Raph shoots me a grin. "Babe, that was low."
"Suprised she could mutate around all that silicone..."
"Hey, yeah, the guy doesn't say if they're still the size a watermelons... they never tell ya what ya really wanna know... when's Alex comin' in?"
"Not 'til ten."
"Aw... well, hell with the news, anyway," he says, flipping the papers behind him. "We'll take some calls... right after this fine selection from Beck..." He cues the CD player, starts the music up...
"Hey, Raph?"
"Yeah?"
"You gonna tell 'em how to call?"
"Aw, fuck," he grumbles, and I start snickering.
"And again," Alex says into the mic, "I want to emphasize: the most important thing to remember is to keep a wound clean."
Raph starts brushing a finger against her whiskers, and she slaps at him. He grins.
I get up, grab my bag, gesture at the door. Raph nods at me.
I get out in the alley, fish out the pipe and the lighter.
Never should have started smoking it... but it takes the edge off. Can't hear her screaming so loud... I promised her I'd come back for her. She's five now...
My baby...
I take a deep breath, close my eyes, let the pain seep away...
Alex is all but sitting on his lap when I come back in, Cracker blasting on the speakers.
"You check the plants this morning?"
"Yes..."
"Well?"
"Still half-dead," I tell him.
He groans.
Now here I am, I am the game warden of love
'Til someone took away my gin and tonic...
"Not good for you anyway," Alex teases.
He nuzzles his beak against her fur. "Hey, it opens the lungs up, right... and what do you know 'bout what's good for me, huh?"
"You'd be surprised," she purrs.
Don't fuck me up with peace and love when I haven't got it in me--
"I have to get going, I've got the early shift at the clinic."
I haven't got it in me, I haven't got it in me any more...
"All right," he says, reluctant to let her up.
I smile at her. "Thanks a lot for coming in, Alex."
"Hey," she says, "no problem."
"You know," I say as the door closes behind her, "if you want me to stay at Leo's some night..."
He shakes his head.
"I don't mind..."
He shakes his head again. "What's the point, April?"
"C'mon. I know you like her..."
"April."
"And I know you're lonely..."
"I'm all right," he says, dismissing us both from his consideration with a wave of his hand. "Besides, I tell ya it is not fun staying over at Leo's."
They try to be considerate, Raph had told me, that's the worst part. They'll try not to be too cuddly, they'll try not to make any noise in bed... only makes it worse... look, I'm tryin' to find a place of my own. You want a roomate, say the word...
"Then I'll stay in my room, and the two of you can..."
He turns his focus back to the CD player. "I gotta go back on, April."
The song ends, and he turns his mic up without much trouble. He's okay with it at this point... most of the time. Mostly he just needs me around to get the phone and watch the
dials.
Which I haven't done, now that I think of it...
"Hey, guys, we're back. Now remember, if you stop down at the clinic, be sure to thank Alex for letting you know all that... she's pretty, too, just remember I saw her first. Heh..."
Something's funky with the transmitter... like the power supply just got boosted.
"Raph... neither of you noticed the..."
"What?"
Why am I even asking? "Never mind."
The power's spiking... almost like there's a pattern to it.
"Well, I don't know what's goin' on, but our resident techie's got a real interest in something..."
"It's Morse Code."
"Morse Code, she says. What's Morse Code?"
"Put a song on and help me with this."
I'm here. Who the hell would send a signal like that... wouldn't be a threat, would it? I mean, a threat would be... a threat, wouldn't it? Something ominous?
I walk back to the kitchen, stop when I see Raph in front of the sink.
He's got a bottle. Bad sign. Some of that rotgut they brew out in the swamps...
"Raph... you're not thinking about..."
"Not yet," he says sourly.
"Raph..."
"C'mon, April," he says. "You know we can't do this much longer. You're gettin' edgy, too, and the pot's only gonna work for so long..."
"I'm doing all right."
"You're goin' crazy. We both are..."
"Raph."
He looks up and meets my eyes. "I gotta dull it, or do something, and I don't think
you can wait that long..."
"I'll wait as long as it takes to get my little girl back."
He looks down at the floor, back up at me, his eyes watching for my reaction. "You know," he says, "I did have an idea..."
"So we just go?"
"Yeah. We just go."
"But--"
"Look, they'll need somebody to do the scouting. All the time they've taken so far, they haven't even sent anybody out that way."
"But the two of us?"
"We can get more. Alex'll go. And there are a couple guys who can fight--"
It must show on my face. "We'll only go with people you trust, April. I promise..."
"I don't trust anybody any more, Raph."
"You still trust me--"
"That's different."
A bitter smile. "Never used ta trust me..."
"Raph--"
"It's okay, April." He puts his hand on my arm. "Helluva way to get to be friends,
though."
I put my arms around him. "You really think Alex'll go?"
"Yeah."
I grin. "You could at least get laid then..."
"Very funny," he grumbles.
Another nightmare; I can recognize them now, but I still can't escape them.
Some kind of pounding noise, beating drums, maybe, and I'm running...
They're catching up...
Somebody touches my arm.
"NO--" I strike out, and my hand hits-- something-- no--
"April, it's okay, it's okay, it's a nightmare, that's all..."
The shadow in front of me takes shape, and I feel relief flooding me. "Oh, God, Don, it
was--"
"It's okay, it's over, you're safe..."
"Don?"
He smiles at me, his familiar face half-hidden by that absurd armor...
"Oh, Don..."
I grab him, pull him onto the bed, and he starts laughing. "Hey, I missed you too... c'mon, don't get too carried away..."
"It was you." I can feel the metal shell under my fingers. "That damn Morse code..."
"You didn't realize?"
"No... we went crazy tryin' to figure it out... shoulda known..."
"You two aren't--"
"No."
"You let him call ya babe?"
"Only on the air... Don..." I pull him back so I can look at his face again. "You're all right."
"I'm alive," he says wryly.
"So good to see you... God, that's three of you now..."
"Three?"
"He didn't tell you about Leo?"
"We just got in and you started screaming..."
"We?"
Charles is still human, skinny, nervous. Clutches his Bible to his chest like it's some kind of armor. You can see almost instantly that he and Don don't get along, can feel the
mistrust flowing between them.
Octavian is slender, reasonably handsome, with long blonde fur and dark, warm eyes; must've combined with a dog of some sort. He's watching Don examine the communications system I rigged up between our apartment and Leo and Sal's, which gives me a good chance to study him.
Also distracts me from worrying what Don'll think of the system. "Not much better than a pair of tin cans and some string," I say self-conciously.
"Bet it works pretty well," Don says.
Octavian asks, "How does it work?"
"Come down here, I'll show ya, it's almost like a phone line..."
Octavian walks over, kneels down by him, and I turn back to Raph and Agrippa.
She's resting her head on his lap now, looking up at him with something resembling
adoration. "Hey," Raph says, shrugging his shoulders. "She's a smart dog."
"Probably 'cause we smell alike," Don mutters. "So you're thinking of scouting out Christian's base?"
"We know Jeff isn't going to do it," Raph says sourly. "It's been months since we issued the first calls, we've had plenty of volunteers. He hasn't done a damn thing."
Don asks, "He's in charge?"
"Unfortunately," I tell him. "He's all right, good with people, it's just... nothing happens. We need somebody who could take charge of the thing, get something started..."
"We need Leo," Raph says. "Much as I hate to admit it."
"Yeah." I'm glad he said it, though.
"Why isn't he--"
"The clinic takes a lot of his time, and he doesn't want to leave Sal, while they've got another egg--"
"Can't blame him there," Raph says gently. "Hope this one lives."
It's not the first time I've noticed it, but watching Charles relax reminds me that Sal is possibly the most calming creature I've ever been around. She always has this amazing, serene aspect to her, no matter what goes on around her... even when she's in an emergency, she moves fast, she gets things done, but the air around her is as calm as daybreak.
Raph asks, "So how's the egg?"
"Still alive," Leo says. "Alex volunteered to keep an eye on it while we came out..."
Don's sitting in the middle of the couch, an arm around each of his brothers.
Seems like the old days, only...
Octavian touches my arm. "Do you want to take a walk, get some air?"
"Yeah," I say, "sure, that'd be..."
"Come on," he says, takes me by the hand, leads me out the door.
"Better?"
"Yeah. Thanks..."
"It's all right." He smiles. "I felt like a stranger in there, anyway."
"They were always pretty close."
"Was..." He looks over at me nervously. "Was he always like this?"
"Don?"
He nods.
"Like what?"
"He gets... dark. Like... like there's a cloud passing over him... and..."
"Not much you can do?"
"I-- I..." He turns toward me, and we stop walking. "Do you believe in God?"
Did that come out of nowhere? "I... I don't know. I used to. I used to pray, and I used to think that it would help... and then they took my daughter away..."
He leans his back against the building. "What if... what if you still believed? But you weren't sure what you believed?"
"Like..."
"Like my master knew. He knew what was right, and what was wrong, and he'd get upset with people he knew were sinners... and... I believe in what he believed in. I believe in the Bible. But I..." He shakes his head.
"I don't know what to tell you, Octavian."
"No one does." He smiles bitterly. "I thought I had the answer, when I found out he was coming here... but then Charles was too, and I was back where I started."
"Must've been hard coming up here..."
"Oh, they were all right. They both knew I'd get angry if they were too..."
"Stupid?"
He laughs. "Yes. Stupid is a good word."
"What would you have done if Charles hadn't been going?"
"I--" He looks at me. "I don't know."
"I mean, what difference did his being there make?"
He frowns, looks away for a moment. "We ought to get back, I suppose."
"Yeah."
"...well, there's the Mission, too, a lot of people stay there... you'd be happier there than here, that's for sure," Raph is saying when we come back in.
"Want to stay at the mission?" Charles asks Octavian, his eyes pleading.
"I--"
"You can stay with us," I say. "Don's staying here. And I imagine--"
"Oh yes," Sal says. "We can make room."
"Perhaps that would be best," Octavian says. I smile at his diplomacy.
I wake up to the knocking, hear the sound of machinery whirring to life. Raph took the couch, but he may have gone out. He won't leave me here alone, but he may have taken advantage of the chance to roam Raleigh with Don here. The deadbolt slides back and the door opens...
"Tave?"
"Don."
"What are you doing here? It's probably four in the--"
"I would have married you."
"What?"
"If Charles hadn't come. I would have... I mean, if you'd wanted to, I-- Don..."
"Shh," Don says.
I don't hear Octavian leave.
--end chapter three--
