warning: not intended for young 'uns. Adult situations, violence, and nasty language follow.

A New York Minute

It is a terrible thing to love what God can take.
--epitaph

"Look at what I got at the pet store," Byron says, proudly displaying a container of...
Vitashell. Shell and skin conditioner for turtles.
"Lovely," Don says, returning to the dishes. "Turtle wax."
"Listen," Byron says enthusiastically, flopping into one of the living room chairs, resting his back on one arm and stretching his long legs across the other. "'Turtle Vitashell combines moisturizers, conditioners, and proteins in a unique, deep penetrating, concentrated cream that revitalizes dry, brittle, or cracked shells and skin. Vitashell supplements and helps maintain the natural flexibility and elasticity of shells and shell hinges. Vitashell will re-establish essential proteins and oils to give your turtle that healthy, vibrant color that nature intended. NOTE: Massage any excess cream into your nails and cuticles for very pleasant results!' C'mon, Don, I know you're curious..." "Byron, you are one sick bastard. I want you to know that." Don hangs the dishtowel up.
"Hey, I bet I could give a helluva massage with this shit...wonder if it'd work as a lub-- "
"Byron. Don't even think--"
The phone rings, and Don picks it up, not taking his glare off Byron.
"C'mon, Don," Byron says, grinning wickedly. "Don't you want to have that healthy, vibrant color that nature intended?"
"'Lo? Hey, Mike. No, no, I don't remember...where's Maureen?" Don looks back at Byron, now dipping a finger experimentally into the Vitashell. "You remember when we're supposed to get there?"
Byron shakes his head. "You know, I bet this is good for your nails..."
"Nah, he doesn't remember either...we were both waiting for Leo to crack the whip...you know, the old 'you aren't ready yet?' phone call...Byron, Byron."
He carefully takes Byron's hand-- avoiding his Vitashell-coated fingers-- and pushes it back. "Yeah, everything's fine. You call Leo? Well, I don't remember...yeah, I know you don't wanna call Leo--Byron. C'mon. Cut it out."
"Aw, c'mon," Byron says. "Bet you'll like it..."
"You don't even want to know what he's doing," Don says, backing away from Byron's chair. "Look, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to either call Leo or wait for Maureen to get back. Maybe you'll get lucky and Raph'll get the phone...and remember...yeah. I'll see you tonight, then. Okay." He hangs the phone up, turns to Byron, now rubbing the Vitashell experimentally into his fingertips. "You know, I'm gonna make you eat that shit if you keep it up."
"Oooh," Byron says with barely concealed glee. "Kinky."
"Maybe I should stuff it up your nose instead..."
"Hey," Byron says, adjusting his weight on the chair, "maybe we should just talk this over--"
"I don't think so," Don says, lunging for the chair.
Byron, expecting this all along, knocks the chair sideways, landing him on his back and knocking Don off balance. Don throws out his arms to break the fall, ends up with an arm on either side of Byron's head. Byron grins and smears a generous portion of Vitashell onto Don's beak.
"Oh," Don growls, "That's it."
Byron cackles madly and makes a break for it...

"You're so beautiful," Mike says. He puts his hands on her hips, pulls her against his chest.
Maureen meets his eyes in the mirror. "You're still in trouble," she says, but she's smiling.
"C'mon, we're still real early--"
"No thanks to you," she teases.
"I just had faith in you," he says, nuzzling into her neck, smelling her perfume.
"Yeah, right...Angela, you ready?"
"Yep," she says. Mike turns around, scoops her up, lifts her so she's reflected in the mirror too. They smile at their reflections for a moment. Someone on the other side of the mirror, Mike thinks, would see three people dressed for a costume party: the Bride of Frankenstein, a guy in a turtle suit, and a little Joan of Arc. "Lookit this," he says. "Just like a normal family."
"We are a normal family," Maureen says firmly.
Mike puts his arm around her again, kisses them both on the cheek. "C'mon, you two, it's party time..."

Ring.
"Whazzat?"
Don lifts his head half an inch from the bed. "Phone."
"Wher'z the phone?"
Don frowns. "Under the bed?"
Ring. Byron disentangles himself from the sheets, fishes under the bed.
Ring--
"H'lo? Oh, yeah, we're..." Byron looks around at the chaos of the bedroom. Don's still half-asleep and Byron can't remember where his costume is... "...just about ready to go. Yeah...right. Ten minutes. We'll meet you down there, okay?"
"Leo," Don says with a hint of a smile.
"Yup."
"Geeze." He squints at Byron. "It'll probably take ten minutes just to get that shit outa your hair..."
Byron puts his hand up to his dreadlocks. "Aww fuck..."
He disappears into the bathroom. Don gets up, starts reassembling the room. "Why are you worried? I mean, you're going as Bob Marley's previously unknown half-Japanese son...I'd think hair like that would be a requirement..."
"I'll ruin 'em if I get soap in 'em...damn, this stuff is nasty..."
Don straps his kneepads on, picks his belt up. "Look, that was your bright idea..."
"Yeah, you liked it and you know it."
Don rolls his eyes.
More complaining noises from the bathroom..."Ewwww..."
"But I bet it's doing wonders for your nails..."
"Fuck off," Byron says pleasantly.
Don snickers, and grabs Byron's costume, walks into the bathroom. "I don't know how you got it in your hair in the first place."
"You're the one that smeared it in there, honey...aw, Christ, my costume..."
"Done," Don says, "I'm settin' it on the hamper, okay?"
Byron turns for a second, flashes a smile at Don. "You really do love me."
"You're damn right I do...otherwise you really would have eaten that Vitashell crap."
"But doesn't your shell feel better now?"
"Don't push it."

"We're gonna be late...What took you so long to find their costumes, anyway?"
Raph scoops up Ookami, "Harder lookin' for this stuff in two closets, ya know--"
"Excuses, excuses," Leo teases.
Last year Raph had finally decided the kids needed more space and, after some rather tense negotiations, Don and Byron had moved to April and Casey's floor, and Raph took over their old apartment, knocking out a wall Casey's father had put in, ripping out the kitchen, and expanding one of the bathrooms to accomodate a whirlpool tub. It has worked out better than anyone expected; Casey and Byron, forced to deal with each other on an almost daily basis, have gotten close to friendly, Leo got to finally get off the futon in the living room, and Don's nightmares-- still chronic, though not as bad as in the old days-- have dropped both in frequency and intensity.
"You know," Leo says, "you're the one who got us into this place, might be nice if you showed up..."
"We're almost ready..."
"Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades," Leo grins, taking Carlos' hand. "C'mon guys. Let's go."

"Raph, have you met Sean? My brother?"
"No."
"C'mon," Maureen says, grabbing him by the arm and propelling him towards the bar.
"Look, I can meet him anytime..."
"Well, you're gonna meet him now."
"I--"
"Sean?"
Green eyes meet his, flash on Maureen. "Another one, eh?"
"Raph, my charming brother Sean. Technically he's a half brother, from our father's first marriage...he had this thing for Irish women, but my mom was smart enough to convert..."
He's gorgeous. "Hey," Raph says. "Uh...nice to meet ya."
Sean asks Maureen, "is this the last one?" She nods, and he turns to him, grinning. "Let's see, I met the brain, the historian, the writer...which one are you?"
Raph glances over at Maureen, who's moving back toward her husband, and back at Sean. "I'm the sex machine," he says with a wicked grin, and Sean laughs.

April looks at Casey, waiting for him to say the inevitable.
"I don't like this place," he finally says nervously, shifting in his seat. "Too swanky."
"Most days, this is one of the most exclusive clubs in New York." She watches Raven, Angela and Carlos, all bothering the DJ to play their favorite song. Least they've grown out of Barney, she thinks to herself. "Anybody seen Ookami?"
"Over with Uncle Mike, I think-- yeah. They're dancing."
April smiles, watching them sway. Mike's as graceful as he always was, and for her age, Ookami keeps up with him pretty well. Her parents' ninja genes, she figures...
"I'm gonna get another beer," Casey says, "probably stop and say hi to Raph, okay?"
"Sure," April says. "But if some handsome stranger comes up and sits beside me..."
Casey laughs. "Then he'd better be gone by the time I get back."

Mike sidles up to Raph while he's getting drinks at the bar. "Hey, Raph..."
"What?"
"Take it easy, will ya?"
"With what?"
"Sean...just watch it, okay?"
"What?"
"You remember what happened last time..."
"Is it my fault your wife overreacts?"
"Maybe if you'd been a little bit more discreet--"
"We were plenty discreet."
"You were in our bathroom, Raph..."
"Well..."
"Look, just-- just--"
"I'll be careful, Mike, okay?"
Mike looks at his brother suspiciously.
"C'mon, Mike, don't be pissed..."
Mike sighs, puts an arm around his brother's shoulders. "I'm sorry. I just want everything to go right tonight."
"It's goin' fine. It's gonna be great...it's a great book, it's gonna sell like crazy..."

"I'm goin' out, smoke a cigarette, okay?"
"Yeah... don't be gone too long, all right?"
Don leans down, kisses him.
"Ooh," Byron says, "maybe I'll get lucky tonight..."
"I don't know," Don teases. "I'll think about it."

"So what was that all about?"
"Oh, he's just warning me off ya..."
Sean smiles. "Any particular reason?"
"Oh, we had a little incident a while back with one a her cousins..."
"Which one?"
"Doesn't matter...anyway, Maureen about hit the ceiling when she found out, so now Mike's all paranoid..."
"Which one?"
"I told you. It doesn't matter."
"There aren't that many cousins...not Ron? He's an asshole..."
"Sean, I told you-- cripes, what's she doin' here?"
"What's who doin' here?"
"Renet...the one in that harem outfit, with the purple sequins?"
"And the gigantic--"
"Yeah. Her. With Leo, no less..."

"Well," she says, "I figured I was around this time, I'd stop in...how many books is this now?"
"Ten. And it's nice to see you once in a while when the fate of the space-time continuum isn't at stake...let me get you something to drink. Whatcha want?"
"Jump up and kiss me," she says.
"All right," he says, and pecks her on the cheek. "You want the drink too?"
"Yeah," she says. As he walks to the bar, she can feel herself starting to smile. "Leo," she says to herself, "you little flirt..."

"Maureen?"
"Yeah?"
"Your brother-in-law..."
Maureen looks at her brother skeptically. "Which one?"
"Raph, the one I just met...is he the Raphael Hamoto?"
"The Raphael Hamoto?"
"The Wall Street legend?"
"Legend?"

"Oh, I always liked this one," Renet coos.
Midnight at the oasis...send your camel to bed. Got shadows painting our faces... Her hips sway against the plates of his plastron.
...traces of romance in our heads...
Leo moves his hand a little lower down her back. The skin's so smooth...
She starts singing along with the music; her voice is actually pretty good. "Come on, cactus is our friend, he'll point out the way...ever wonder why it was a he?"
"Nope."
"'Til the evenin' ends..."
For half a second, Leo pictures himself sweeping her off the dance floor, carrying her into the kitchen or something, throwing everybody out, stripping her naked, making her scream...
He shakes it from his mind, pulls her a little closer.
"You know," she says, "this gives me an idea..."

"I cannot believe you slept with Alexandra."
"Sean, I just met you--"
"Yeah, but I thought you were gay."
"Well...not exactly. She did tell you I have two kids?"
"Well...yeah..."
"I mean, I realize it's not definitive or anything, but..."
"So you're bi?"
"Versatile," Raph says expansively, sweeping a hand out to emphasize his point. "Able to adapt to any situation..."
"Look," Sean says, "I'm gonna go have a butt, I'll be back, okay?"
"Yeah," Raph says. "I'll be waiting."
Someone behind him clears his throat. Loudly.
Casey...

He shakes his head, fighting off that familiar feeling..."Renet?"
"I'm over here," she says. He turns away from the closet door and sees the tent, the desert, Renet. She's wearing something similar to the costume she was wearing, but far more subtle, finer, more seductive...
"You didn't do what I think you just did."
"Uh-huh," she says. "It's a portal. Don't worry, it doesn't get opened 'til six tomorrow morning. And no one comes to the oasis until tomorrow."
"What...when is this?"
"The fourth century C.E."
He stands up, looks at the tiny outbuilding, the tent they're staying in. "This is amazing..."
He glances back at Renet. She's lying on her stomach, giving him a skeptical look. "You know," she says, lifting her torso half an inch from the tent floor, "I didn't bring you here so you could look at the architecture."
Leo gives her a mischevious grin. "Suppose that depends on what you mean by architecture." He stretches out on his side, his body just touching hers. She turns to face him, and he brushes a tendril of hair from her face.
Her hand touches his shoulder, slides to his neck and starts caressing. "I want this to take a long time," she says softly.
He puts a hand on her hip, cradles her face with the other. "I think," he says, pulling her mouth to his, "that that can be arranged."

"So," Casey says, now sitting in the seat Sean vacated.
"So."
"Ya know, they say you can know somebody for years and never really know them, hell, you can call 'em your best friend..."
"Casey, please..."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"What was there to tell?"
Casey raises his eyebrows.
"What was there to tell that had anything to do with you? You are my best friend, I'm not gonna fuck that up if I can--"
"Oh, and you never looked at me like that?"
Raph looks at him like he's lost his mind. "Like-- no!"
"Well, if you're-- well, why not?"
"Cripes, Casey, I do have some standards..."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I can't believe this. You're pissed 'cause I never wanted to--"
"No!"
"Then why the hell--"
That one takes Casey a few seconds. "Because...because, I mean, with women--"
"Not all of them."
"Well--"
"What, you'd think that way about your sister?"
"Well, no, but..."
"Give me a little credit..."
"But..."
"And then you have the balls to wonder why I didn't tell ya..." He gets up, shakes his head. "Look, I'm goin' outside."

Mike hears something. Over by the coats...he opens the door to the coat check.
The attendant's not there. And then he looks over the counter...
He sees motion, and blood, and his instincts kick in.

"You know," Raph says, "sometimes I wish I smoked."
Don looks over at him, exhales. "Do you have any idea what you'd be like--"
"That's why I don't smoke." Raph grins. "But look, you always got an excuse to go outside--"
"In the rain and sleet and snow--"
"I mean, especially in the city, we never go outside, never look at the sky..."
Don shoots him a skeptical glance. "You turnin' into Mike on me?"
Raph shakes his head. "It's just nice out, that's all."
"Well, I don't know about you guys," Sean says, "but I'm cold, and I'm goin' back in."
"Sure," Raph says. "Right behind you..."

She touches his arm, and he looks up at her.
She points a single finger outside the tent.
He follows her gaze; after a moment, he can see movement out there, at the edge of the water. Hyenas. They're magnificent, oddly graceful, not the way they're seen by humans at all...
His reverie is broken by Renet, back in her old party clothes, slipping an arm around his shoulders. "We have to go back now," she whispers. "Leo?"
"Mm?"
"I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"You'll see." The pain on her face..."I'm not allowed to change things, Leo, I can only go where my presence won't affect anything...Leo, I wish there was something I could do."
"Renet," he says. "What happened?"
"C'mon," she says, not meeting his eyes. "You gotta get yer stuff on."

"Shit," Raph says, "Sean, wait--"
Too late. A scream wells up in Sean's throat, and Raph clamps his hand over his mouth, pulls him to his plastron. "C'mon, calm down, you'll panic everybody...Sean, come on..." And he hears the noise behind him, turns to try to stop him...
Don only says one word, so softly Raph can hardly hear it: "No."

On to Part Two 1