And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...
Goo Goo Dolls, Iris
"Something's coming."
Don looks up at him, frowns. "Storm?"
Leo shakes his head. "No...us. Something's going to happen...makes me nervous." He
crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Where's Mike?"
"Out back playing with the rabbits."
"What about Raph?"
"Think he went for a walk."
Lightweight boxing on ESPN, some Puerto Rican kid getting the crap pounded outa
him by some other Puerto Rican kid. Casey takes another sip of beer.
Shadow comes in, notices silently that her father's already halfway through the six-
pack.
"Where ya goin'?"
"Walkin' out in the woods," she says. "I haven't gotten outdoors in a long time."
"Remind me, I'll take ya down to Northampton tonight, ya might like it there...there's still
some college kids around, for the summer term."
"Sure, Dad."
Voices in the woods.
"Look," Raphael hears the man say, "by the time you reload, it'll be too late. So go ahead,
shoot him. Just leaves more for me."
"You're on private property." The woman's voice is calm, controlled. "Get off."
"Look, little girl." Another man's voice, this one deeper. "I don't think you quite--"
"You thought you could come in here, and grow your pot, and sneak it out, and you just
found out you were wrong. All I want you to do is take it and leave. I won't turn you in, I
won't give you any more trouble. Just go."
Sounds of a struggle; the girl screams. Raph moves further up, sees her struggling with
one of the men. Raph takes aim...
"Aw, you're sweet. How old ya think she is, twenty?"
"You sunovabitch, get the hell away from me..." She punches him, nice solid
right, gets some space between them--
He throws the sai.
One down; the girl stares at her antagonist, on the ground now, clutching his chest in
agony. "What the fuck--"
"I'll shoot her," the other guy says, grabbing at her, looking around frantically. She
struggles with him...dammit, if she'd just keep still he could get the guy...she kicks him in
the balls and gets a couple inches between them-- there. You get 'em in the neck
and they're quieter about dying.
"Shadow?"
She turns; almost looks straight at him. "What the hell's going on?"
"I was just about ta ask you that."
She scrambles, picks her shotgun back up, points it in his direction. "Who are you?"
"Old friend of your father's." He steps just a little into her vision. "You remember
us?"
"Mike," she says. "I remember Mike...I don't remember the rest of you very well, I'm
sorry..."
"It's all right," he says, stepping closer to her. "I mean, how old were you, two? I
wouldn't expect..."
"Which..who are you?" she asks.
"Raphael."
She nods, and a smile creeps across her face. "Long time no see, huh?"
She walks back in the house, trying to figure out what to tell him. Hey, Dad, did
you know there were drug dealers out in the backyard?
Or maybe, Dad, your friend Raphael just saved my life. What say you go out back,
talk to him...
He's still in the chair, still got ESPN on by the sounds..."Dad?"
No response. She walks up to the recliner. He's passed out in the chair again.
Tonight she doesn't even have the energy to drag him into bed.
Fuck it, she thinks. He probably sleeps like that every night when I'm not
here.
"No," Raph says, lifting one of the rabbits onto his chest and stroking it behind the ears,
"Mike hasn't let us eat rabbit for...must be five years, now, at least."
"No kidding."
Raph smiles. "He's such a softy...we're waiting for the day he makes friends with the deer
and turns us all into vegetarians."
"That's all you eat? What about pheasant?"
He laughs. "We plucked one a those...that was the first and last time we had pheasant.
Nobody wanted to do that again...'course we still got fish, even Mike can't cuddle
up to a fish..."
"You know, I used to tell people he was my dad?"
"Mike?"
"Yeah. Guess that's why I remember him best...the shrink said I was looking for another
father figure 'cause I was unhappy with the one I had. Mom told him he was an uncle
who liked to dress up for my birthday parties..." She gets up, sits next to him, tries to pat
one of the rabbits. It scampers away; Raph catches it.
"Hey, it's all right, c'mon, she's nice..." He holds the rabbit up to her. "Go on, pat
it."
She smiles and reaches out to touch it, her fingers brushing against his. "Now you,
you don't seem like a father figure."
He rolls his eyes. "I'm old enough ta be..."
"Doesn't matter," she says softly, stroking the rabbit's ears.
"Yeah, it does."
"Not to me." She stretches out beside him, still caressing the rabbit.
"Shadow," he says, his voice serious. "I used to change your diapers."
"I haven't needed diapers for a long time, Raphael." She takes her hand off the rabbit,
rests her fingers on his plastron, near his belt. "Raph?"
"Yeah?"
"Let go of the bunny."
He shakes his head. "Uh-uh."
"C'mon, Raph."
"No," he says, his eyes focused on the rabbit.
"Let go," she says.
"Shadow, I--"
She reaches over, lifts his fingers off the rabbit's body, one by one. It runs over his
shoulder, off into the woods. She leans over him, puts an arm around him, rests her head
on his chest.
"Shadow," he says, lifting a hand up to stroke her honey-colored hair. "Oh,
Shadow..."
"Come on," she says, teasing him, "just kiss me once, huh?"
"Shadow--"
"Try it, you'll like it..."
"What am I gonna do with you?"
"You're gonna kiss me, didn't I already tell you that?"
He laughs, touches her face. "You're gonna drive me crazy," he says ruefully.
"You ever kissed anyone?"
"I kissed your mother on the cheek when she married your dad..."
"That's not what I meant," she says, curling her arms around him, leaning so close
to his face he can feel her breath.
"I could get a motel room," she whispers to him, "there's a Super Eight over in--"
"Shadow."
"We could make love--"
"Shadow."
She presses her body closer to his, touches him, strokes his arm and the back of his neck,
and he gives in, kisses her-- oh God. And a very long time seems to pass until
they part, finally, and she rests in his arms, her chin by the top of his head, and he strokes
her hair, nuzzles against her, she's so soft...she lets her fingers brush against his plastron,
tracing the ridges. "Can you feel that?"
"Yeah," he says. "Not like I would if you were touching my arm; but more-- like if you
touched my fingernail, almost, but I feel it more than that."
"Huh." She moves her face down, kisses his plastron. "How does that feel?"
"Everything you do feels good..."
She grins. "Really?" She reaches over, pinches his arm.
"Awright, almost everything..." He squeezes her, pauses for a moment, then pulls her face to his.
She traces the letters with her finger, just a single name, carved in wood:
Rachel. Her sister. How could she have forgotten?
Her attention moves to the next grave: Splinter.
"Oh God..."
"You remember?"
"I remember Splinter...oh, Raph..." She can't stop holding the tears back, and she lets
herself sob, leans into his arms, and they hold each other, and he strokes her hair, gently,
softly, rocking her a little, feeling his own tears stream down his face.
"Raph..."
Michaelangelo's voice. Raph looks up into his questioning face, doesn't know what to
say. But Shadow jumps up, throws his arms around him.
"Mikey," she says, a note of triumph in her voice, "finally..."
"Shadow?" He pushes her back to get a look at her face. "Shadow...oh, God, you're so
beautiful..." He pulls her back in, tight to his chest. "What are you doing here?
How'd you get out here, how'd you find us...oh, God, you're so beautiful..."
"I know I shoulda told you sooner, Mike, I shoulda told all of ya sooner...but I knew,
the sooner she met you...any of you guys, but you especially...we'd both start thinkin'
about how we used to take care of her. And how young she is. And how old I am." He
throws the stone, watches it skip across the water. "I'm in love with her, Mike."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Pretty sure."
Mike leans against him, says, "'Cause it's not like we've seen any other women for...like,
twenty years or so, so..."
Raph grins. "I know. I know...but there's something between us. When we're together, I
can forget it sometimes. Forget all of it. And she's...oh, God, Mike. I love her. I do."
He looks over at Mike, watching his face. "She's going back to school soon, wants me to come out there to
California-- us. All of us. She rents a place from her aunt Robyn...she says there's room. I figure we could figure something of our own out, once we get out there..."
"You gonna?"
"If I can get us all to do it. I'm not gonna leave you guys." He smiles, bitterly. "I
remember what a mess it was the last time I took off on my own."
"I'll go," Mike says softly, watching a branch float down the river. "I'll go in a second. I
never liked that fucking deal anyway."
--end chapter two--
