Here is the man with the plan.
Here is the guy too cool to kiss the sky.
Here is the hostess with the mostest.
Here is the denmarkian who's meaner than kevorkian.
Here is the soldier who's tougher than ray bolger.
Here is the lover whose lovemaking is matched
by no other.
Here is the shooter with the fastest gunn.
Here is the fighter whose fights are always
won.
Here is a mean lean fighting sex machine.
Here is the bean who makes the dylan gals scream.
Here is Elston Gunn, the Marxist Revolutionary
and Guerrilla Leader who
led the famous Denmarkian Revolution of 1992
and saved Denmarkia
from a
tyrannical ruler who banned all Bob
Dylan music.
Though he is still as tough-looking as he
was when this picture was taken
in 1992, Elston admits he is no longer a killing
machine. "Make Love,
Not War" is his new slogan, and he spends
most of his time walking
around town asking women if they wanna see his
stamp collection.
But,
as this picture shows, back in 1992, he was
fighting in the jungles of
Denmarkia, living on bugs and water, and doing
some real hard
travellin'.
Today, Elston is a national hero in Denmarkia
and March 11th is a
national holiday commemorating and honouring
him as a national hero.
They call it Elston Gunn Day, He's Our National
Hero. Actually, the
Denmarkians take the whole month off because
all they really like to do
is lay around and listen to Bob while making
cool little kids (really,
they just do it a whole lot and hope nobody
gets pregnant too often).
Any excuse to do this is jumped on. The
parade is held in New Danville,
and on March 11th, they all meet, all the cool
denmarkian guys and cool
denmarkian chickies, and even all their cool
accidents from the year
before, and they march in a great big parade,
with twirling girls and
tubas and floats and clowns even.
At the end of the parade, before a grandstand
where Elston sits, nodding
in approval, they all sing in perfect harmony,
a special song just for
the great Elston Gunn. This year, they
sang:
O Elston, O Elston,
our hero, great Elston,
no man's as great as he!
He is handsome, he is pretty,
the saviour of New Danville city,
without him, oh where would we be?
By his shining example,
we sing in perfect harmony,
of which this is a mere sample,
oh Elston, oh Elston,
we sure as hell love thee!
These lyrics change every year. As
we see here, this year was a real
bad year for Denmarkia's poet laureate, blind
boy grunt, who is
currently drying out in Denmarkia's Betty Fjord
Clinic. On a
side note, blind boy did not go willingly.
When Elston heard this year's
song commemorating him, and saw the looks on
the marchers' faces when
they tried to sing the song, he sent the authorities
to remove blind boy
from the bar and locked him up to dry his ass
out.
But I digress. We are here to honour
Elston, not to insult the blind.
For, you see, Elston's bravery during the revolution
is a shining
example of the best humanity has to offer and,
if i may say so, he's the
man. Yes, that says it in a nutshell.
He's the man.