I've been on a secret mission on Tropica frisking the natives for unholy weaponry for a while, so it might be a good idea for me to go over a few definitions just to make sure we are all on the same page here. Although I highly recommend a knight instead of a page for these matters.
Dame Datai Amberillo: Me, the bardic dame of the Shield Knights, I'm the narrator, too!
Pferdheim: A legendary barony somewhere in the mountains filled with tall, attractive, blond-haired, blue-eyed men who speak vith ein sexy accent and worship Austinian called PferdRitters.
The official Lute of the Shield: Blue and lute shaped. Not to be used as a hat, breadbox, or flowerpot.
Sir Varner PferdRitter: As sexy as a younger brother can get. He really doesn't have much to do with this tale, I just thought I'd mention him.
Sir Amargein: Paladin of Austinian, and was the new lute-attendent, but was recently demoted to Colonel, probably because of the Lute incident which was probably my fault in the first place.
Sir Garamond: An ex-mage, now paladin of Austinian.
Sir Levin Lachance: An old paladin, now resident of Sarsen Old Folks Home.
As I mentioned, I'd been called back to Gareth Keep by that mysterious feeling which a knight feels from the tip of her nose to the bottoms of her feet. That tingling sensation before your eyes when you realize your last true sight just wore out and now you couldn't see a black dragon on a snow field if your life depended upon it. As it very likely would because a black dragon in a snowy field would be a very unhappy, hungry dragon.
Back at the keep things were about how I left them, unfortunately that means that no one ever ordered those nice yellow draperies I recommended for the Keep years ago. There were lots of new faces too. Including two brand shiny new to me paladins of Austinian, Sirs Garamond and Armagein. At least they have that big happy gold glowy aura and shining armor thing going for them like paladins do. Sometimes though people can get this glow late at night in the candle light after a large number of holy beers without actually taking the vows of paladinesship. Since everyone in the room was sober, it's safe to assume they are real paladins, just like the ones in the fairy tales.
Except neither of them had a plume on their helm.
Their apparently poor taste in fashion was quickly explained. Sir Garamond used to be a mage; I didn't recognize him without his robe on earlier. Magic users, mages, magi, maguseses, or whatever plural pleases you, are notoriously bad at selecting a wardrobe and matching colors. So bad, in fact, that the Concalve has restricted them to wearing uni-sex, one-size magicly fits all robes of either black, red, or white; depending on their mood. The wearing of uni-sex robes all the time pretty much blinds them to the nuances of fashion. Which is probably how it ended up that the Mage Dezler made himself a beautiful short gown with sparkling jewels to wear.
While paladins without plumes on their helms are not the most astute followers of fashion, they are exceedingly wise, and in their wisdom, they decided I would look better in a short gown of glimmering jewels than themselves. This is how I ended up with Dezler's dress.
This sort of ability to solve problems and make logical steps in deduction and then positive actions to solve these problems is a sign of officer material! Sir Amargein could certainly make a fine Shield Lute-attendent I figured. So since I obviously had been called back to the Keep for this important reason, I bestowed the lute upon the paladin, and started to teaching him how to play. After he took his gauntlets off, he really started to get the hang of it. Convinced he was on his way to becoming a proper lute attendant, and knew not to use the lute as a hat, a breadbox, or a flowerpot; I headed out to do some important intelligence work for my next mission: Saving Pferdheim. Sir Amargein mentioned it might be in danger, and it just wouldn't do for me to leave all those poor, defenseless, blond-haired, blue-eyed, tall, handsome men with large swords and polearms in the hands of evil. So off I went to Pferdheim.
After spending a few weeks in bars and drinking alot of schnapps, I never could find anyone who knew the way to Pferdheim, so I returned to the Keep to check on things there. Fortunately with the officer Lute training I gave Sir Amargein he had been promoted to Lute-attendant. Unfortunately, he then confessed to me, tired, bleary-eyed, and wiped-out miserable like, that he lost the lute. Obviously the mistake he made was dangerously apparent; its a mistake that alot of new officers make: he had been working too hard. Never in all my days as an officer have I passed out into sleep on the pews in the altar room in front of a member of the opposite sex.
My Schnapps filled mind could only focus on one thing at that moment, and it wasn't the floor: we had to get our lute back! Loosing the lute is alot like dishonoring your sword, only with a lute. I mean, sure, the thing was old, warped, and it did this weird rattling thing, but just because something is old and worn out doesn't mean you should throw it away and get a new one. It means you should get a new one, and keep the old one in a closet out of the way somewhere and only bring it out on holidays. Like we do with Sir Levin.
Since its last known wearabouts was with a kender, the lute could be anywhere now, and being used for just a bout anything (such as a hat, a breadbox, or a flower pot). Paladins are very wise, but are famously poor at negotiating with kender. Kender forms of formal address are very different from ours. While in common they might be called an "irresponsible little snitch thief" they actually should be addressed as "hey, have you seen my __(missing object)__?" This will lead you on a great quest to find whatever it is that you lost, the kender lost, someone found and repainted to sell again, and then was lost in a fishing trip, which another kender found, and traded for something else from an evil dragon's lair. This is why so many stories end with a knight slaying a dragon, incidently.
I decided the best course of action was to put up a missing lute sign, and then go back to the bar selling schnapps and ask the way to Pferdheim, as I need to check out all their hats, breadboxes, flower pots and polearms now. I noticed later that I used the wrong form of "Its" in my notice, but time is of the essence when you are a knight on quest and unfortunately it is the arts and literature that makes the greatest sacrifices.
NOTICE: Missing Lute Our lute is missing. Its blue, and has the insignia of the Knights of the Shield on it. If you see it about (perhaps being used as a hat, breadbox, or flower pot) do please return it to Sir Amargein, or myself, Dame Datai. Any information on its current location would also be appreciated. Siccara bless, - Captain Datai Amberillo, Bardic Dame of the Shield PS: if anyone sees the Magi Dezler, would you please let him know that I have his dress? Thanks!