I'm trying to find a girl
Who is the master of her world
Who knows all things
Or at least tries
Who knows every color
Or at least wears the ones she knows
Who knows my face
Or at least the color of my eyes
Who knows my favorite color
Or at least knows what matches
Who knows what I like
Or at least knows my favorite restaurant
Who knows the subtle changes of my expression
Or at least knows when I'm happy or sad
Who knows how to make me smile
Or at least knows what makes me laugh
Who knows my happiness of the night
Or at least knows how to keep me warm
Who knows why my poetry's important
Or at least knows how to keep a conversation
Who knows where my heart is
Or at least knows where to keep it
Who knows why He hung on a tree
Or at least to keep Him in her heart
Who knows how to spread the message
Or at least how to give unconditional love
Who knows why light and life are nothing
Or at least knows to use them to see and live
Who knows how to trust me
Or at least not to be suspicious of roses
Who knows many things about me
Or at least that I love her so
The most important thing to know
Adam "Only the Lonely"
June 11, 1995; 12:36am Sun.
BEGIN
A dream that I had,
woke me feeling sad
and so lonely.
It was you, who
was driving me mad.
Will you ever see?
A DREAM
I searched for you everywhere
where the sun was smiling down,
there I was, wearing a frown
In the park, I searched you.
In the dark, I searched you.
Then this girl got in my way:
her hair a golden light;
her smile a golden sun.
When I had nothing to say
her face went out of sight,
her comfort was all gone,
but still I was called on.
There was this town
lovers everywhere,
but nowhere bound.
None gave a care
about you or I.
I didn't let them stop me
I knew I had to try,
even if it took an eternity.
A walkway
along an ocean
the last place.
Looking around,
I had a notion
that your face
would be found.
Wondered where you were
and I also thought of her,
but that made me unsure,
when all I wished to do
was to find and be with you.
AND END A DREAM
I woke up all depressed.
What made me so distressed
was this dream really-a-reality.
Even if your truth isn't the same
will you ever begin to see
the pain and the humility?
I hope you never find me to blame,
for never making-minds-meet,
because all I did was sit in my seat.
Has that ever been a crime?
I'm just running out of time.
Adam the Guilty
Jan. 3, 1994; 12:14 a.m. Tue.
Today's distinguished tear
Glistens upon the cheek
of my lover
She wipes it away for fear
That I will think her weak
to uncover
Her hidden pain to me
But I hear her silent plea
and give ear
She hides it away to free
Me from the pain I see
all too clear
And what she doesn't know
Is the burden is already mine
and always will
Just her pain makes me grow
But she is still hiding behind
a lonely hill
I am trying to get under
The surface of the water
that glistens
With a will that makes me wonder
Why it's getting hotter
that listens
To the cold, blowing outside
To the door, ever open wide
and would
That she would stand by my side
And would no longer let me hide
what should
The lonely-likes of me do
To touch a soul so clean
I can't bare
The coldness gets me blue
But that doesn't mean
I don't care
Adam the Blue-Boy
Dec. 13, 1994; 9:29 p.m. Tue.
My-moon-met you
And then set you
To a speed
My sun-saved you
And then gave you
What you need
So together my moon and sun
Might unite you into one
Complete and active whole
Whose life's to better one's soul
Fully-functioning we
Might work together as partners
To set one another free
Ruling out all maladies, grasping cures
This is how we'll spend our days
Living life like we've never before
Walking down one another's hallways
Discovering what's behind every door
Once one hallway is cleared
We'll reveal what we've always feared
Describe and tell why That is there
Then we'll know which room to beware
When the last door's pushed open wide
We'll enter together hand in hand
Knowing this the room our souls hide
Only then will we fully understand
If it's where we'll both want to reside
Adam the Marriage-United-Souls
April 29, 1995; 4:26 a.m. Sat.
My Love is a butterfly
in the light of night
with rainbow wings
that blessings-bring
while I am still a cocoon
in darkness without the moon
because I have not personality
to acquire a higher reality
a spider spoke to me
without letting me see
her fangs were bare
but I did not care
let every lovely-lover beware
when shells will never tear
because they will never have known
how might their love and life have grown
can you not hear my tone
I am just a lone stone
waiting for My Love to give me a fling
then dump, drop, and leave everything
what is My Love, but a praying mantis,
whose love is death, whose death's a kiss?
how could she consume me, thus
the sun's coming, it's nearly dusk
where she'll end her endless hunt
where i'm no longer behind, but in front
my shriveled wings will be made straight
their beauty'll-be to attract me-a-mate
until then i'll have to sit and wait
hoping the sun'll come before it's too late
because so far they're all out to get me
i think i even hear the buzzing of the bee
if i could just look and see
but I just can't break free
the walls around me are of her making
ironic, that my heart's actually breaking
over her, for never taking
back, what she's forsaking
if i only knew the color's of the night
i might finally know My Love's delight
know why i can't hold her tight
know why i could never bite
because unlike everything she has become
i, a defenseless caterpillar, will never succumb
because i've learned i'm not dumb
though i cannot bite, i can hum
i can chirp and tell another cocoon
that redemption's coming soon
the raising sun; the lowering moon
we'll fly away by the afternoon
Adam the Cocoon,
looking for the other cocoon
June 3, 1995; 11:23pm Sat.
My fountain pen
Can write again
Of what we dare
Never to share
I saw it there
While I stroked your hair
It wasn't the way you looked, instead
It was the way you bowed your head
And I knew I'd never win
When I saw the paleness of your skin
And what it made me think of
Was your purity and love
And that my blackened hair
Could never compare
I thought, How many lips will kiss her shoulder?
How many arms will learn they can't hold her?
And then I knew what I'm sure of now
That no matter how hard, I'd make it somehow
That even without the power of your face
I would learn to discover my place
And that in any case
I would not gain disgrace
It was as if my world came to an end
Only to be built up again
I'm still trying to comprehend
How I'm to hold you as a friend
Would a kiss upon your cheek be the same?
Would my raging emotions learn to tame?
Would I be able to ignore the pain
Or would I lose control and go insane?
But what I know is what I knew
While I was looking down at you
From a lover's point of view
That your love had always been true
And you also paid the cost
When our love was lost
We carried one another's cross
When our love was tossed
We are among
The same tongue
Who have spoken
Of hearts broken
And we're always asking why
We should live before we die?
Adam the Ambivalent
April 25, 1995; 10:01 a.m. Tue.
I need a mother
To take me
And to take care of me
I just want my head
On her shoulder
My breath in her ear
I just want her warmth
The warmth surrounding
Me with comfort
I just want her silence
To console me
And her voice to make me laugh and cry
I just want her lips
Upon my cheek
Soft and warm and understanding
I just want a home
Away from home
Where it's just her words and thoughts
I just want a place
Where her face
Is the only thing left to look at
I just want her eyes
Looking at mine
Knowing the subtle changes of my expression
I just want her time
All to myself
Showing me that I'm worth more than anything
I just want this Mother
To come soon
Because I'm running out on myself
Adam the Lost Child
March 14, 1995; 9:57 p.m. Tue.
Sex's something sick
And I'm sick of it!
Turn on the t.v.
Someone please me
It's sin I see
Look at a magazine
Someone doing the obscene
I am no longer clean
Perverted generation
of a perverted nation
Would I could turn the station right off
Because reasons of damnation's enough
If it weren't for sex
I might be able to hug more
Not thinking that a guy or girl's thinking I want them
It just gets too complex
I hate it for many reason's for
That I'm not the one that has done anything to condemn
I wish there wasn't some tall wall
Dividing hetero and homos
Sometimes wish I were like a dike
So girls might understand that I understand
Might they look past the hole I dug and give me a hug
Damn sex, for ever making me
I must live to tell what I see
So half a couple won't be a parent
Please be the first to be forbearant
To look to where the heart is still
Is to know where true love waits
For force may be stronger than will
But we cannot call our own fates
Watch your back and know your friends
Sex might not seem apart of him
But trust me, it runs deep and never ends
Don't be kind upon some small whim
If I cared as much as teenagers do about it
I might be considered one of them
But I don't and the taunting never does quit
I hate all peers, but know to love them
But what is love?
Something that's proven overnight?
No, it's something that must grow right
Through time and without touch
But that's me and I must learn much
Especially when all I want to do is be embraced
Someone just hold me!
It must be a maternal soul
Apparently I shall forever be someone disgraced
Dumb one's all I'll be!
Just a half of something whole
Adam the UnOrthodox
Oct. 11, 1994; 6:03 p.m. Tue.
She said she'd sleep with me
Already knowing that without her permission
I've slept with her
Meaning I've dreamt of talking with her
She stood over me
As I was on the ground
Her hair flying, her dress loosely flapping
She said something
I know what, but cannot remember
I replied and we laughed
She later on in the evening
When the whole camp was to be somewhere else
We were together
She interpreted my soul
As I likewise did
And none of us, none the wiser
She already knew me
And I already knew her
One of the same soul
She was like the main river
And I was but a stream that poured into her
And there was warmth and happiness
She knew the happiness
Finding someone's soul to finally make sense
And thinking ourselves twins
She was like a long lost mother
Who when I found her, gave me the milk of truth
And the key to comfort
She isn't here with me
Yet she has been with me all the time
She is me and will always be mine
Adam the Something-Such-as-a-Son
March 22, 1995; 10:31 p.m. Wed.
To entrust no soul to me
Is to deny me life
Like the lips lost to me
Lower still than I?
Parents put upon by pain
Nothing still lower than I
Cigarette's got your lip
Not the ear ring, not on your ear
But on your little pug nose
Lost a boyfriend-date
To another girl you berate
Doesn't take much to hate
So soon have you to decide
To take your first, free ride
When he said he loved you, he lied
Tears took you away from me
Because I only answered dumbly
Answers for a price and some free
Nothing is there left to be
Now I've got a new plea:
Friends embrace, but do we?
Your problems are only yours
You're a hallway of locked doors
Guess you're fighting your own wars
I know that you know I don't understand
But at least you could let me lend a hand
'Cause when I talked about a heart, you ran
If there's absolutely nothing stable
My story of pain was never a fable
And I am here, whenever I'm able
Even more, how can you ignore
That I'll do anything for your
Fancy, and will forevermore?
Like every girl, you don't know your power
You can make me do anything at any hour
And only live to be here for you to devour
Every night you just might turn out the blue light
Leaving me all alone, until you come home to fight
But I won't-I'll just sober you and hold you tight
Every time I get to thinking how you are
It just mars my heart with a deep scar
Until I can no longer hold you-falling star
Adam the More-Than-Less Friend
Oct. 18, 1994; 3:29 p.m. Tue.
Tonight gave into dawn
As I let out a yawn
And slowly realized my predicament
And how the line's of life became bent
But just all the same
I knew who to blame
I was looking at the coward now
I greeted the sun with a low bow
To hope to make amends
But then light just bends
Reflected from the mirror
The coward's visage so clear
Unmistakenly it was me
The coward's all I could see
Until the smeared lipstick burnt red
Didn't think-got water instead
Feeling cooled off a bit
I just thought as I sit
And didn't think to quit
When a knock came on the door
Senses don't let you ignore
The pounding forevermore
So lifted from my seat
I moved my heavy feet
Across the floor to meet
The girl I'd known for a couple hours
Already wishing I had some flowers
I've silence as the coward cowers
She pushed passed rather quick
Suddenly I felt sick
As I felt seconds tick
While she was just standing there
Moving her hands through her hair
My home had become her lair
I told myself it wasn't fair
And that cold hard stare
Was too much to bare
So I fell into her comforting embrace
A moment of ecstasy in that warm place
With only her breasts to face
I felt a growing peace and grace
While my heart beat for an unseen race
So the song went on all day
I just could not get away
I knew that she couldn't stay
Why was life a difficult play
Where light's bent in a sun's ray
There was really nothing left to do
But fall into depression, feeling blue
Waiting again for pain to start anew
Until it forms into what it grew
Love's long gone-put out and through
What's love if nothing will ever grow
Can anyone answer the truth I don't know
Or will you just give me a throw
Into some deep canyon, far below
Adam the Tempted
Jan. 13, 1995; 12:07 a.m. Fri.
The window to my heart's a mirror
When you look at me, you're face'll appear
Your pain is in me, reflected
As my own pain goes undetected
I extend a fading-flower
Which'll last only an hour
Because I extend the weakness of my-mind
Like the fast-fading-flower, am losing time
Use my window to apply
Your makeup
And continue to try
To wake up
And gather the ripples of your brain
To really understand all my pain
So my mirror'll be a window again
Adam the Fading-Flower
April 24, 1995; 11:38 p.m. Mon.
Your name
Is like
A flame
Upon my brow
And just somehow
(I know it now)
That it will
Resound
From a hill
I found
Behind my-mind
Where headaches
Hit my broken-bones
Muse awakes
To gather the stones
And teaches me
To place them in a form
Which is simply
How you came to be-born
It would be-better
That you burnt forever
So I might feel you
Where I know you always are
So I might know through
Life that I mustn't take it too far
Because you're a rainbow
Running away
Too fast, while I'm too slow
To make you stay
But you haven't to wonder
Where I wear my heart
Though it's broken asunder
You've known it from the start
No, not upon my sleeve
Though that's where it is right now
I hope that you believe
Me when I say, I wear it upon my brow
Adam the Burning-Brow
May 3, 1995; 1:15 p.m. Wed.
Tall, Dark, & Plain by Adam S.
Huntington
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