THE EASTER BUNNY IS DEAD
4:20 AM, April 11, 2004
Image courtesy of Rooters
All over America, on a morning when children across the country would normally expect to find colorful eggs and candy hidden all over the place, there will be nothing to find except disappointment and sorrow. At 4:20 this morning, the Easter Bunny was hit by a drunk off-duty Santa Claus on a beautiful country roadside, spattering his precious eggs all over the road.
"I was so wasted, I forgot what holiday it was." was the statement offered by a hungover Santa Claus, who sideswiped the poor little bunny with his speeding reindeer sleigh.
A local child commented, "WAAAAAAAAH!"
"It's really no big deal for our family" said a local mother of human offspring. "We lie to our children all the time. You see, me and my husband secretly color and hide the eggs every year, telling our kids the Easter Bunny did it. And because we teach them that the media is full of lies, they won't believe your news story anyway. Wait, you're not planning to publish this interview, are you?"
In other news, Easter Bunny gets
whipped disrespectfully.
Enter Jawboneofassland.
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