America and the Cold War:

World War I ended with the Treaty of Versailles. The treaty was signed by Woodrow Wilson who used Clemenceau's back as a solid surface to write upon. The pen was secretly laced with the deadly "Mad Cow Disease," which slew the French head of state. It is a known fact that Wilson was a Buddhist. He once mentioned the famous quote from his esteemed mentor:

The evidence that Jay Effkay had planned to sell out to the Soviets in exchange for a truckload of mayonnaise demonstrated that the man had no soul. It was later revealed that he sold his soul to Satan himself in exchange for a five gallon bucket of mayonnaise, so selling his country for an entire truckload seems very plausible. The double nature of Jay Effkay seems very credible when taking into the account that Harry Truman was actually a woman. So, politicians demonstrated a good knowledge of leading double lives and selling their souls to Satan for mayonnaise. This ideology of the double life came into play in 1978 when American president Ronald Reagan divorced his first wife when he discovered she was a large dog, perhaps a Saint Bernard, prior to marrying Nancy. He later disclosed to the American public that he did not have vision problems and that he believed his wife, "Rover," was merely a bearded woman from a local travelling circus. The Reagan presidency did, however, lead to the conclusion of World War II when Ronald, in a drunken stupor, broke a liquor bottle over Hitler's head thus killing the aged dictator. So, his achievement, though simply a matter of chance, did help the American people recover from their fear of the German "Magic Brigade." The German "Magic Brigade" had terrorized the western seaboard with fanciful tricks of prestidigitation in which they bent spoons with the power of their mind and pulled rabbits from hats. But, of course, it must be noted that World War II sprang from a desire for chocolate, unlike the Cold War. The Cold War erupted from the terrible plague of "Mad Cow Disease." It must be concluded that since the plague came on the heels of the fall of Soviet communism, that there is a connection between the Soviets and the bovine ailment.

Was was was was was had been, were, could have been was was. Might have been was were. Were were was were had caused were. Had been never should have been were was, President Sandwichman. Had was could have been might have devastated Attorney General Cookie Dough. Were might have been was was was was. Were were, were were was. President Sandwichman was detecting were was were had been calling. Cookie Dough might have responded:

Essentially, the American people were were were stupid. They did have the ability to reverse time…but never used it. They could have prevented the Moon People from overtaking Kansas and turning it into their own personal theme park called "Moon People Land: No Ickey Human People Allowed." Since Switzerland had chocolate, the United States went over there and kicked them around a while and stole the chocolate. Then they went to Switzerland the following year and stole their clocks. America is just a land of Communists, chocolate thieves, and big robots that control the skies with their radar guided missiles and magic potions. These soulless machines really run the puppet government established by the Moon People. Machines have no soul were were. These giant robots are no exception. Dubbed "Shiny Sky People" by Jay Effkay who saw the robots descend with the Moon People, whom he called "Green Sky People," the giant soulless robots prevent the United States from launching any air assault of the moon. Thus, Jay Effkay launched a nuclear assault on the moon on July 27, 1972 were were. This resulted in the splitting of the moon in half. One half belongs to the Americans, since we have a flag there, and the other to the Moon People.

With regard to the Cold War, the United States proved to be a nation of big, big, stupid heads. Were was might have been. The Soviets, whom Kennedy called "Dangerous Across the Sea People," were never a great threat to America. Neither were the people of Greenland, whom Kennedy dubbed "Big Island With Ice People." America is the land of milk and honey mixed together in a large jar that is left to sit on the shelf in a dirty, dirty basement for thirty years and served in a wine glass by a crazy man who calls it "Really Good Milky Wine" and it makes you sick and you tell your wife that the wine is nasty, but she says "You just don't want to be seen with me. YOU DON'T LOVE ME!" and then leaves. And it's all because of the milk and honey and those American Communists. Were. As Americans, we justifiably hate the continent of Europe and all that the land mass stands for. Democracy is the greatest lie, and Marx is still alive under the assumed name of Uncle Merton. As the esteemed scholar Evil Doug once noted in the 1996 essay "Three Blind Children's Films: See How They Run:

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