Free verse is for the novice.
Those dullards who dabble in
This lyrically sinful art should be
Bludgeoned
With the cold Club of Order.
This club
Should be carefully labeled
"Order" so there is no confusion
about the act which precipitated
the bludgeoning.

Placing line breaks and words
At will is the written equivalent of
Violent brain hiccups that
lead to the dry-heaves of lyrical drunkards.
You may just as well scrawl words in the margin
Of class notes. You and your hippy friends
Probably like that sort of thing.

If you don't like structure and rhyme,
Why don't you just pick up your
Bishop and Strand and go play somewhere else!

Canto I- Edison's One Percent

I'm not afraid of death,
Just mediocrity.

It's Saturday Night and a nice
Autumn chill in the air tonight.
And in my house tonight, Merton
And I will spend the night writing
About Saturdays and Autumns and Chills.

I go first. I place the blue bag
From Wal-Mart over my head and
Recite Ginsberg until I can't…
Merton then removes the bag.
My sight blurs, I gasp, I gag, then I write.

It's Merton's turn to get inspired.
The blue thinking cap from Wal-Mart
Is put in place and he recites
Until he can't… I take the bag.
Then Merton writes hastily on his pad.

I don't know how the magic works.
But the blue mask of magic blue
Makes the world blue with quiet light
And crinkling plastic. Plastic smell.
Blue rays with no air fills my lungs with words.

Skating on the frozen blue beam of Life
And Death, I sometimes notice the cute,
Yellow Smiley Face watching me
From its blue void. I can't help but
Laugh. You have to admit, it is funny.

I'm not afraid of death,
Just mediocrity.

Interlude- A Song Merton and I Sing En Route to ihop the Next Morning.

It's not what you do that matters,
If you don't trouble the waters.
Just say the right thing,
And be made a king!
And something that rhymes with waters.

I know of a pony next door
That represents death and much more.
It's both stuffed and dead,
With a book on its head,
It shows me how dull words can bore.

Sing a song of whistlestops,
Sing a song of degrees,
Play a game with shuttlecocks,
Badminton's the game for me!

I can't be faded.

Canto II - Breakfast at ihop.

Sometimes your eggs are all runny,
Sometimes your eggs are burnt dry,
Sometimes you get mad cow disease,
In that case, then, buddy, you die.
Life is like Breakfast at ihop.

Sometimes your waffles taste ickey,
Sometimes your waffles are fair,
When the store sinks and not enough
Boats for the customers are there.
Life is like Breakfast at ihop.

Sometimes you kill for your syrup,
And sometimes your syrup is free.
Sometimes you'll ask for some butter,
But sir, you had best not ask me.
Life is like Breakfast at ihop.

Sometimes the waitress is pretty,
Your table she always attends.
But you know she'll never love you.
She thinks you both should be just friends.
Life is like Breakfast at ihop.

Sometimes, you know, stuff just happens,
And you cap yourself in the head.
And no one in the store sees you,
Or even notices your dead.
Life is like Breakfast at ihop.

Postlude - Upon Bidding Merton Farewell and Getting Ready for Church.

When I feel unpretty, I play dress up.
I get all of my shoes out of the closet,
And my other clothes, and get ready
To go to Church. That's where I look my
Prettiest. Man, do I look pretty!

My shoes are shiny, my
tie is straight and neat.
Man, I look pretty in
Church! The elders
Appreciate my neat
Appearance. They say
I'm a model Christian.

So, when the service
Begins, I place my
Bible on the pew
Beside me. Lean
Back and take a good long nap that lasts for the duration of the
service. When I wake up, I shake everyone's hand and
leave.

THE END

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