This wonderful tale told by Sir Thomas More is a lengthy ballad of Renaisance literature. It tells the tale of Utopia, a french cabinet maker, who falls in love with an elderly stateswoman who resides in the hills near Paris. The two marry and move off to Naples Italy where they build giant robots. These robots are then endowed with intelligence by the stolen brains of children. The robots are then sent forth to conquer Britain, only to be destroyed in a storm on the English Channel. It then turns out that the old woman was really a robot and the plan was to conquer earth for the Moon-People. Ah, those wacky Moon-People. What will they think of next?
-------Past Works-------
Moby Dick
Herman Melville once drew a long comic strip called "Cap'n Ahab's Follies." He later adapted this idea to a novel called Moby Dick. He essentially kept the plot the same as the comic. The character Ismail is a talking dog, Quequeg is a dancing bear, and Moby, well, Moby is a singing whale. The only differences between the comic and the novel are as follows: Moby is less jovial than originally written, Quequeg doesn't wear a bonnet, and Ahab and Moby don't sing "What do you do with a drunken sailor" in the ending. Overall, the plot is quite detailed, culminating in everyones goal, to die while stabbing and spitting at a whale. This reader, for one, wants to go out like that, a-stabbin' and a-spittin' at a whale. Yes, sir! I wanna go out a-stabbin' and a-spittin', stabbin' and spittin' and screaming "You're not gonna treat me like that anymore, DAD!"
SYNOPSIS THROUGH ONAMATOPOEIA: DISMEMBER! STAB! SPIT! CRASH!
All Quiet on the Western Front
I was walking to work this morning, and this guy's dog came out and bit me! So I kicked it against the fence. Lou, my neighbor, came out promptly telling me he was going to sue me. "You big jerk! I'll teach you to kick my dog!" So I kicked the dog again and said, "What do ya think of that, Lou! Huh? Whatcha gonna do about that!" So Lou picked up a rake and chased me down the street with it. But since he's quite fat, he never caught me. All Quiet on the Western Front is just like that, except that Lou is called Paul Baumer in the story.
SYNOPSIS THROUGH ONAMATOPOEIA: KICK! WHAM! CHASE!
The Republic
In this work, Plato analyzes social morality. He goes to the beach and finds some homeless man in a vacant area near the boardwalk. He then offers the poor creature money and food in exchange for some simple household chores. He then takes the homeless man home and kills him with a hatchet. Plato then takes the remains and makes a sort of gruel out of them. He then takes this soup to the homeless shelter and gives it to the caretaker and says, "Here...it's the least I can do." No, wait...silly me. That's what my fraternity did over Spring Break! No, no, no. The Republic is a lot more complex than that.
SYNOPSIS THROUGH ONAMATOPOEIA: CHOP! KILL! SLURP!
The Great Gatsby
In this book by Efscott Fitzgerald, there's this guy. He has money. Then
there's this other guy who's married to Daisy. Daisy and The Rich Guy,
who ironically enough is named Gatsby (go figure) kinda like each other.
Daisy's husband is seeing this dead girl who was hit by a car. She wasn't
dead when he was seeing her, but she is now. Probably why he doesn't call
her as often. The car was yellow and there was a green light image that
kept coming up symbolizing the need to floor it and run over people.
SYNOPSIS THROUGH ONAMATOPOEIA: VROOM! THUD! BANG!
Lord of the Flies
It's a lot like Scooby-Doo...only there's no dog. These kids travel to a
deserted island and get into all manner of wacky mischief. The plot
revolves around Ralph and Piggy...who could be equated to Fred and Shaggy
respectively. Oh, the fun that ensues when Jack and Simon, who represent
Old Man Weathers and Professor Hyde White respectively start playing
savage. Essentially, Jack and Simon try to scare Ralph and Piggy away by
making them think there's a ghost (or 'beast') on the island. But, it
turns out that it was all done with mirrors and the alien's spaceship was
really a helicopter with a police emergency light. It ends just like any
Scooby-Doo Mystery...but only the ones where Shaggy gets killed by a
giant boulder near the end. The pig represents the dangers of a diet high in pork and cholesterol. That's why they kill it. This represents how you
can achieve a good LDL and HDL balance by stabbing yourself to death with
a spear and putting your head on a stick. This book is best read with the
classic children's song "This Old Man" playing in the background. It's
kinda like the Dark Side of the Moon and Oz connection, ya know.
SYNOPSIS THROUGH ONAMATOPOEIA: KICK! KILL! THUD! WEEP!
Of Mice and Men
Lenny and George are these guys. They work. Lenny kills stuff repeatedly.
Then there's Curly. He works too, but doesn't kill stuff as often. He
wears a glove. Then Lenny kills Curley's wife, and things get messy. Body
count: 1 wife, 1 mouse, 1 puppy. GO LENNY! The title "Of Mice and Men" came from an old poem...because the original title of "Hey, Lenny, BANG!" gave away the ending.
SYNOPSIS THROUGH ONAMATOPOEIA: TWIST! SNAP! BANG!
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