I Am Paper:
A Brief Essay by Evil Doug
Actually...I do fulfill all the requirements...I'm easily written upon,
and surely flamable enough...and I fold into many shapes. And, much like
paper, I can float gently to the ground when dropped from a drastic
height. I'm graceful...swift...two dimentional. I'm College Ruled. I
spend time pondering whether I should be recycled after death. Is there
an After-Page? When paper dies, does it join Odin in the Stuart-Hall to
drink Mead? Perhaps it ascends the stairs until it reaches the Top
Flight. I shave with an eraser. Staplers haunt my dreams. I built a house
of cards, only to watch it destroyed by my dog...it's made of cards as
well. I dwell in a three ring binder...yet it never binds...no truth in
advertising. But, with the three ring binder, you have all the fun of
Clowns, elephants and trapeze without the hassle of the three ring
circus. I'm opaque. When wadded up, I tend not to fit back into any form
of a folder. I absorb liquids. I call trees parents and papermills I dub
midwives. I'm pulp at heart. My ancestors were papyrus...my lineage is
one of scrolls. I jam printers. Scissors killed my brother in 'nam. I
have margins. When out for shopping, with my good friend plastic, we're
often made fun of at checkout. I line birdcages. I've been rolled up to
strike dogs. The Geneva Convention was signed on my grandfather's head. I
glide in the wind and stick to the pavement after a good rain. I slave
over a hot stove and this is the thanks I GET! So yes...I am paper.;)
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