Messed Up Stuff!!!

In my cellar is a fine cabinet. I use this cabinet to store vintage wine. At the stroke of 7:38 pm, however, a troop of magical clowns leap from the cabinet. Perhaps it is my fault for building my house on an ancient circus burial ground.
THE END

Decorating the Wall
by Evil Doug

Today, I noticed diamonds, rubies, and pearls lodged deep in my wall. Next time, I'll think twice about leaving jewelry in my shotgun!
THE END

Inspiration
by Evil Doug

I got the ideas for my stories from the items in my room. They used to speak to me and give me ideas. But one day, they turned on me. They dared to call ME names!? I showed them, I showed THEM ALL! I burned my room and everything in it! Who's laughing now!!!???
THE END

The Trout
by Evil Doug

Once upon a time, there was a trout. This trout could fly. One day, it exploded and turned into a rainbow. Ever since then, its ghost brings gifts to all who believe.
THE END

Counterclockwise
by Evil Doug

One day, I stood on a sidewalk and shouted, "Counterclockwise!" All of a sudden, large bat creatures swooped down from apartment windows and attacked me.
THE END

Scurvy by Evil Doug

Once upon a time, my gerbil had scurvy. The scurvy made the gerbil dance. And dance it did. All of a sudden, a million volts of electricity suged through my brain. HA,HA,HA, puny mortals! I shall destroy you all!
THE END

The Special Event
by Evil Doug

Once upon a time, I was invited to a great ball at the U.S. Embassy. Feeling obligated, I did attend. While there, the prime minister of some obscure nation began talking to me. He was extremely boring, so I ripped his heart from his rib cage. I then held it in my hand as a puppet and held it before his eyes. "Hi, I'm mister heart," I said, "will you be my new friend?" Unfortunately, the guards failed to see the humor in my actions and struck me down with their scimitars.
THE END

The Assessment
by Evil Doug

Once upon a time, I took a writing assessment test. It was boring, so I set
my hair on fire, got in a car, and drove down the interstate laughing as my
was consumed by flames.
THE END

Instant Death
by Evil Doug

Add three teaspoons of Death to boiling water and stir. Makes two servings.
THE END

Cornbread
by Evil Doug

Once upon a time, a guy stood beside a water fountain and threw cornbread at me.
THE END

Grandpa
by Evil Doug

My grandfather was quite a card,
Because he beat my brother so hard,
That brother did die
Grandpa didn't cry
He just buried him out in the yard.
THE END

Roadtrip with Dad
by Evil Doug

One time when my father was drunk,
He stuffed mother and I in a trunk.
Then he drove to the dock,
Secured the trunks lock,
Pushed it into the lake and we sunk.
THE END

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