Lynn's Life

This is my story, not quite complete, it is a work in progress, but, after reading Mr. Galanter's book, I felt compelled to write. To answer each of the above outlined examples of what a cult is, with experiences and the words of the Jehovah's Witnesses themselves.

"They are no part of the world, just as I am no part of the world." John chapter 17 verse 16; New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures.

This exortation was repeated consistantly in the Kingdom Halls, Assembly Halls and the homes I lived in. We had to do business and go to school with the world, but we were to hold ourselves apart and BE DIFFERENT. Don't talk to your neighbors unless they are witnesses, don't play with the neighborhood kids unless they were witnesses. Stand out in a crowd with drastically different style of dress from the norm, do not participate in anything at school, and then, when you had to, for a grade or such, just enough to be graded and no more. One incident I remember vividly, I was in the fourth grade at Santa Susana Elementary School, Simi Vally, CA. My Teacher's name was Mrs. Romerhine (please forgive me if I have misspelled it, it was along time ago). We were studying Japan in social studies, and part of my assignment was to attend the open house at school and stand by the display of the class for 30 minutes and answer any questions any of the parents might ask. Not a hard assignment for me, I was knowledgable in the subject, the problem, it was on a Tuesday Night, Book Study Night, which was held in our home. My father conducted, he was so angry, that not only did I have to attend, but my Mother would also miss bookstudy because she had to transport me back and forth and would not leave me at the school alone. My father went on a tirade for almost 30 minutes on how this looked so bad, that we were missing a book study for a secular activity. He almost forbade me to go, except he loved the praise HE received over the fact I was a straight A student and well liked by teachers. But for some time after that, he would harangue us over missing bookstudy over a school project.

As I grew older, less and less did we associate with children in the neighborhood, or if we did, one of us stood look out for my father's truck, which at one time was painted flourescent Orange, we could see it a mile off, and we would warn each other he was coming and we would head for home. We also knew what time he would be home, so, we were very carefull to be in the house when he got there. If he found that we were playing with the neighborhood kids, we would be lectured at dinner about the world and deceptive and evil it was, and how if we kept up with this kind of association, we would become just like those we played with and would die at Armaggedon. Fear... was used often. Of Dying at Armaggedon, of being kicked out of the organization, of not being allowed to even talk to our parents or brothers and sisters. It was a scary place.

"And in answer Jesus said to them: 'Look out that nobody misleads you; for many will come on the basis of my name, saying, 'I am the Christ.' And will mislead many. You are going to hear of wars and reports of wars; see that you are not terrified. For these things must take place, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be food shortages and earthquakes in one place after another. All these things are a beginning of pangs of distress." Matthew 24 verses 4 through 8. New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures.

When WWI occured, the JW's were quick to interpert it as a sign of this scripture and they went out and preached to the world about this. So many were confused and scared about the happenings of history at that time, they accepted this as being true. Many people converted at that time to JW's for relief of the fear, they were comforted by "...but the end is not yet." The organization held that out to all, so they knew they had time to repent and come to God, and then, after dedicated their lives to the service of him, "Go therefore and make disciples of people of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy spirit, teaching to observe all the things I have commanded you. And, look! I am with you all the days until the conclusion of the system of things." Matthew 28 verses 19 and 20. New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures.

By the time I was 10 yrs old, I was one of the many out knocking on doors on Saturdays (during school) and Wednesdays (during vacation time), offering to people my little sermon about the Watchtower and Awake Magazines. Because I was young, many people would take the two magazines and the cost was only a dime. What these poor people didnt know, was the adult standing there watching, would bring us back in two weeks with new magazines. We were establishing Magazine Routes. There were goals of how many magazines you should place as a good minister, as well as the number of hours you should be out knocking on doors and witnessing to people. And the true goal, was to get the people to agree to study the one of the other publications available at the time, such as the Paradise Lost to Paradise Regained book with the adults that brought us around. We were used, quite readily as a tool by the organization, for who could resist a clean cut, well scrubbed youth, talking innocently and sincerely about the Bible and the magazines we had with us. All thru my teen years, I continued to knock on doors, striving harder and harder to place more magazines, books, pamplets with persons, and then persuade them to study the Bible. In 1972 with the introduction of the book "The Truth That Leads to Eternal Life", the ground swell of the "world" increased, right and left people were reaching out for this book, the organization couldn't print them fast enough, and I was right there, 15 yrs old, out knocking on doors, telling everyone the good news in this book. I dont know how many I placed, and I know I only started one Bible study in that time period, but I was doing as I was expected to do. The following year, I became a Temporary Pioneer. I had dropped out of school, there was no use of a secular education, women were to be home makers and the great crowd of witnesses preaching door to door. I put in 90 hrs a month preaching from door to door, going on Bible studies, writing letters to those we never found at home, along with regular services in the Kingdom Hall, giving talks, many times impromtu for those who had not shown up, studying for each meeting and being well prepared, never ever realizing, that at 16, I should have been having some fun, enjoying life, learning about the earth we lived on, instead of shut away in a "utopia" of religious fervor. I was doing everything everyon expected of me, including being baptized the year previous at Dodger Stadium. One of hundreds who stood before all that were there and publically declared their dedication to serving God.

My questions now are this: How is devoting a predetermined (by a human committee) number of hours proving my devotion and my dedication to God? How is placing a predetermined amount of literature with "worldly" ones making disciples? How does any of this fit in with God's word?

No one has ever been able to answer these questions for me. So now, I publically declare my faith to God, thru my actions and deeds. Good works, such as helping the elderly and my family, feeding the poor, reading those who cannot read, spending time and fellowship with my fellow man. I love them as Jesus exhorted us to: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." Luke chapter 10 verse 27. The New American Bible. " You must perceive that a person is justified by his works and not by faith alone. Rahab the harlot will illustrate the point. Was she not justified by her works when she harbored the messengers and sent them out by a different route? Be assured, then, that faith without works is as dead as a body without breath." James chapter 2 verses 24 through 26. The New American Bible.

Now tell me, is your faith proven by your works, or are you dead as a body without breath? Also, do you love your neighbor, as yourself, would you cut off any association with yourself? Do you cut off association with your neighbor or do you with the love Jesus taught us, love that neighbor, and set the good example of love and of Jesus here on earth?

The great flock of other sheep... the annointed ones... Armeggedon... Watchtower, Bible, and Tract Society... Jehovah's Witnesses... Kingdom Hall... Theocratic Ministry School... Regular and Temporary Pioneers... Elders... Overseerers... and so many other phrases that the mind boggles.

These were the words, along with others, that kept us seperate from other churches in Christendom. Along with the different teachings, which made for a even bigger gap, and what truly makes the JW's a cult.

The belief that only 144,000 members are going to heaven, that there is going to be a great war here on earth, waged between Jesus and Satan, and those who survive this war of Armageddon, will live forever on a cleansed earth that will go back to the original paradisial condition of Adam's day. That there is no hell, that when you are dead, you are dead. No Living soul, they teach that the soul that God breathed into Adam, was just the breath of life, not a soul. Two of the big differences taught, one, Jesus was not crucified, but was nailed to a stake (according to Jewish law, not Roman law) and that there is No Trinity, but that God, son and holy spirit are individual and not parts of each other.

No holidays, the only remembrance they up held was Jesus Death, which they celebrate by the old Jewish Calendar, on Nisan 14. And in reality, it is not the death of Christ, but the last supper they celebrate. The sharing of bread and wine, and only those who are annointed to go to heaven partake of this bread and wine.

No joy, no laughter, everything quite serious, no one to be put above another. Yet... the society, put men above us in each congregation. And those men, served yet another body of Men, who made the decisions for the congregations. The body of Men in Brooklyn, NY, supposedly God inspired, made the decisions for the whole organization. These decisions ruled the lives of all their followers. Millions of followers World Wide.

One of the biggest decisions I remember, was the NO BLOOD TRANSFUSION rulings. Citing Acts 15:29, "to keep abstaining from things sacrificed to idols and from blood and from things strangled and from fornication. If you carefully keep yourselves from these things, you will prosper. Good health to you!" The men in Brooklyn interperted this to mean, not to take blood to extend your life. How many died because of the belief of these men. How many sweet innocent lives could have been saved, how much grief could have been prevented?

I know of one life. A young girl I grew up with, I cannot remember her name, it was so long ago. But, if you lived in the Simi Valley, California area, and where associated either with the Simi Valley Congregation or the Santa Susana Congregation, back in the late 1960's, you will remember her. She had a hole in her heart, and none of the doctors in California would help her, because of the no blood issue. She was finally taken to Texas, a doctor there was experimenting with doing open heart surgeries with no blood, just expanders and such to help keep the patient alive. But it was too late, she died on the table, and because of the no blood, they couldnt revive her, her blood count had dropped to low. She died, her family grieved, her little friends grieved, the congregation greived. Did the men in Brooklyn grieve? No, they just stated another valiant warrior passed away in the warfare against this wicked world. Not a tear did they shed.

Do you know, that we carried cards, usually right behind our drivers license or State ID stating that we were Jehovah's Witness and would Not Take Blood. We were card carrying Members. What does that remind you of?

I sit now, and think of my grandparents on my father's side of the family. The ones I never got to say goodbye to. When my father's Father died, my father forbid us to go to the furnereal, because it was to be held in a Catholic Church, and because my father said they were unbelievers and we should not associate with unbelievers.

"Do not be mislead. Bad associations spoil useful habits." 1st Corinthians Chapter 15, verse 33. How many times was that scripture quoted to me... everytime I wanted to do something. I was 10 yrs old, wanted to learn to play an instrument in school. The school would provide the instrument and the lessons. No. Takes time from your meetings and from studying the bible. But Dad, I could learn to play and play at assemblies. No. Takes up time that you can use for service and other forms of ministry. Wanting to learn sign language, No.. too much time away from studying. My life centered around going to meetings, studying and some school. What little social activity I had was carefully schooled. Play only with other JW's. Sometimes we could spend the night at others houses. I remember several slumber parties. Well supervised. Rollerskating on Sunday Nights after meetings. Always well chaperoned. And DONT Dare to talk to anyone there who wasnt a witness.

Our vacations, were planned around the large Assemblies held every summer. Every Year we spent a week in a Motor Home, in the parking lot at Dodger Stadium. We got there early, helped set up. Attended every session, usually worked in the food concession area's, and then stayed and helped tear down and clean up. Fun Fun Fun! Then, maybe, we would go have a regular vacation, like to the beach. But the whole time we were there, father would grill us over what we learned at the assembly or would sit and read the bible or other literature.

Associations. Interesting word. Associations: 1. The act of associating. 2. An organized body of people; a society. -- The American Heritage Dictionary. Association: 1. The act of associating, or the state of being associated. 2. A body of persons associated for some common purpose; society. -- Funk & Wagnalls Standard Dictionary.

Hmmmm.... now, tell me, do your neighbors associated with the common purpose of teaching you bad habits? Does your fellow workers go out of their way to show you the ethics of a bad person? Or do they extend the hand of friendship and the exchange of knowledge?

Don't associate with your neighbors or work mates. Be polite and kind, but not friendly, dont encourage them to be friendly with you. If they are curious about you at all, WITNESS TO THEM, that is sure to drive them off or bring them in as a new convert. Does this sound paranoid to you? Anti-social? Controlling and Manipulative? It does to me. Yet I practiced this behaviour daily, at school, with my neighbors and at work. And didnt think twice about it, till, I got to see the real world and that there was love, not fear, guiding the people around me lives.

So, which sounds better to you... Love or Fear? I know which one I have chosen. Love.

I know this is a rather lengthly piece of work, but as I stated in the beginning, it was to help me heal. And, Maybe, just maybe, touch the soul or heart of another who has experienced similiar things. I have more to say. More about the injustices that I saw. I want to relate one more instance, and then, give you some links, that if you are interested, these can help you learn more, and heal too.

This little piece of my life, I am not sure where it goes or what it means. But, it was the eye opener for me, and the step that finally helped me walk away from this cult.

I was 17 yrs old, finishing high school and temporary pioneering. I had several girl friends in the JW's who I considered good friends. Three of them got in trouble for smoking. Trina, Sue and Christy, they were disfellowshipped or excommunicated, this consists of shunning them. No one is allowed to talk to them, even acknowledge their presence. Their families could communicate with them, but NOT about spiritual matters. For the next six months they struggled on, correcting the thing that had gotten them disfellowshipped. They finally were all reinstated into the religion and I was so happy for them.

One day, Sue approached me, and told me how wonderful my father was, such a caring and understanding man. Of all the elders, he had been the most kind hearted and most sympathetic, he had helped her the most see the error of what she had done. I stood there, nodding my head as she talked. My mind was churning, this isnt the man I know. The Man that is my father never speaks to me, and if he does, it is to tear down, not build up. Nothing I ever did was enough. So, I stood there and lied, so Sue would not be disillusioned.

I went home that night after meeting, and sat on my bed. My mind going over everything Sue had said, and reliving the recent past with my father. I knew how disappointed he was with the fact I had said I could not be a full time Pioneer, I didnt have the disposition for it. He was also disappointed with the fact that Bethel had quite taking single women to work in the factory or farm. Another of HIS goals for me taken away. He went out of his way to push one of his favorite young men to go to Bethel, and when Francisco was accepted, he made sure to praise him constantly. It hurt, I had always tried to please my father in everything I did.

It finally dawned on me... that what was wrong, I was trying to please a MAN and not God. I realized in trying to please this MAN, i had denied myself, denied who I was, denied my childhood, denied my own wants and needs as well as denying my own spirituallity.

I was 19 by this time, working, had my own car, was as independant as I could be while still living at home. (I had tried to move out on my own, but was told that it wasnt proper for a single young sister to do so, and moreover, my father was certain i could not handle the responsibility, the best thing for me to do was to stay home). I had begun to realize, that as long as I dated young men in the truth, and brought them home, several things happened, either My dad ran them off, because they didnt meet his spiritual requirements, or my sister and my mother, flirted with them outrageously, which had one of two effects, they either fell for my sister or mother (my mother ended up divorcing my father and marrying one of the "boys" I brought home), or these young brothers used their feet and ran in the opposite direction. My life was not happy, and I really thought I was very unattractive, until, while working, I noticed, that several young men at work seemed to like to spend their breaks with me and wanted to see me more often. I began to sneak around to see these young men, and began to realize there was more to life than what I had been taught to believe.

Of all the young men I could fall for, I fell for Sue's brother, he was a little younger than I, but, he just absolutely blew me away. The guy just wanted to be with me, always. And I loved him, no one had ever felt this way about me before and I was so happy. The down side, he was not a JW, wanted nothing to do with it, infact, his Mother had thrown him out of the house, and he was basically living on the streets. Staying with friends and doing what he had to to survive. I lost my virginity to him. He introduced me to his friends, and to drugs and cigarettes. I was a wild child and it was starting to show at home. I finally knew I had to make a break. I went to the elders in the congregation I was attending and told them what I had been doing. They prayed with Me, and talked with me. They told me they wanted to talk with each other and then would contact me about their decision. Not once did they chastise me, they were loving and kind. When I got home, however, another scene played out. My father knew I had gone to meet with the elders, that I was having some problems. He took it onto himself to go thru my things and found the amphetamines I was using to lose weight. When I came in the door, he began to scream and yell at me. Calling me a slut and a whore who was going to destroy the whole family. He told me to get out of his house. Which I did. I packed my clothes, called a girlfriend in Barstow and hit the door. I picked up my boyfriend at the time and didnt look back.

I found out later, that the elders where not going to disfellowship me. Which, I found strange. I had gone to them, confessing to be an adultress, a fornicator, a drug user and a smoker of cigarettes. My girlfriends had been disfellowshipped just for smoking cigarettes, yet, they were only going to take away a few of my "priveleges" for what I had done. This did not make sense to me. So I asked some questions. Seems, because of who I was and who My father was, and the good example I had always presented to the other Youth in the congregation, they didnt want to lose that example. So, a little slap on the hand and then a kiss and make it all better was what they had in mind. My father, in his infinite wisdom, in throwing me out of the house, short circuited what they had planned to do, so they did have to disfellowship me. Perhaps the best thing that every happened. I have never regretted leaving the organization then.

So, the moral of this little slice of my life is.... It's Not Who you Know, It's who you are!

I want to thank all of you who have read this whole page. It was a burden I have carried for the past 35 yrs of my life. I am 40 now, so you can see, most of my life has had a heavy load on it. But now, I am healing and I am free. I am serving God the best way I can, and reading his word and letting GOD guide me, not a man.

A special thanks to several people who have kind of held my hand as I go through this healing. Roger, my children, my husband, and all those who touch my heart every way.