The Counsellor

'Oh, yes,' my new client agreed animatedly, delighted to be understood by someone at long last. 'I have always been drawn towards things like that. And as for what you mentioned about my eating habits and things like that - that really is, just so me.'

She pushed a wisp of fine, fairish hair away from her light blue eyes as she said this, and I made a professional note of the slightly nervous mannerisms. Trying to gauge how much work could be done in a few out patient settings, or if more radical work would need to be done in one of our rehabilitation centres. For the age she had reached - thirty-four - her body language should have been a lot more assured.

The 'things' to which I referred were not, of course, 'just her' at all, and the tests only proved to me what I had already suspected, through honed intuition of such cases. I was confident that those who had discretely referred me to our Training Centre to her were right - Diana Hold, the name that showed up on the file in front of me, was truly in need of our support and treatment.

'Initial assessments,' my supervisor had briefed me, 'Indicate that the team where she is working may have picked up a passive C-108. Someone, somewhere, luckily had a very sharp eye for it.'

That meant that less evolved neurological pattern of conditioning truly held full sway within the girl's psyche. The new Psychic Hygiene guidelines our schools for Human Evolution Development followed were very clear about what steps would have to be taken to restore her to the promise of her true nature. I could remember the lectures, almost straight from the handbook on it all, by heart.

'Such a person,' we were instructed, 'However harmless they may seem, untreated, is like a parasite. They are recidivists. They must be dealt with before the poisons it harbours damage the whole heart and organism of the New Humanity that erroneously nourish it.'

I was curious to know what it was that had brought Diana Hold to us, but my supervisor had not been too forthcoming on that. Clearly she still expected me to use my own powers of observation and diagnostic skills. 'It only takes one instance of Friability,' she had reminded me, 'For someone to take notice. Or to appear not to be fully focussed, or committed. Anyway, it will be your job to see that she receives whatever treatment may be necessary.'

Many trainees initially balk at the idea of actually forcing employees of the Agglomerates to undergo treatment to actually change their personality if tests show that full Individualisation has not taken place. Once again, however, most Handbooks were very clear about it. 'Survival of the new Global Way within the Agglomerates,' we were told, 'Depends on mutual neuro-somatic harmony amongst all individuals. Accepting the imperative to evolve beyond our merely collective heritage is among the conditions and responsibilities of receiving the benefits and privileges of the new Global Way.'

Now that the vision of a truly planetary society had been reached, through the efforts of the major Agglomerates, and it was ironic, many said, that this had been achieved only through Materialism in the first instance, there could be no return to the old ways of consciousness and being. There was no one overriding philosophy guiding the Agglomerates, just an affiliation of related Schools or Training Centres, ours of which was one such beacon I was privileged to serve. There was no law to actually stipulate this as a condition, but the reality was that any degree of success within Global Life did depend on following the disciplines of one of these Human Evolution Development schools. 'Only those who have attained full individuality,' we were instructed, 'are paradoxically capable of becoming true team players within the inevitable new stresses and challenges of the New Business.'

Of course, I did not as yet reveal any of this to my new Client, according to what the guidelines suggested in first dealing with such cases. First I would have to gain her trust, open her up a little in two or three further sessions according to the pretexts made by her referral, before going in, so to speak, with the cleansing knife.

As the Supervisor had reminded me however, the cleansing knife was actually, only ever used in the most stubborn of cases. ’You will most likely,' she had reminded me, 'Only need to re-pattern her so that she can grow beyond her current identity. You need only arrange for some neuro-cauterisation if that does not take for any reason.'

I gave Diana one of my most confidence-inspiring smiles, telling her: 'I'll book you in for a little stress management in two weeks.' 'And,' I nodded, winking at her, 'Go easy on those little things we talked about.'

She smiled coquettishly as she went out. I watched her leave. My mind control training had, of course, inured me against being drawn to any of my clients in a purely hormonal way, but in a way I was sorry for I had to do what I knew I was going to have to do to her. As she was now, she had a remarkably attractive allure. Still, in other circumstances…….

But that was part of the trouble. Those who came within the passive C-108 spectrum frequently were very attractive - if you liked Victim types. It made stronger individuals want to protect them, so that in the end they would become drained of all their vitality and will, like ivy sapping away the healthy young tree. Again, I could remember my first lecture on the subject, almost by heart.

'The emotional vampirism,' the lecturer had reminded us from his podium, 'that is, all those people who warrant a passive diagnostic score of at least 60% of the Baker score, as set out on the new DMS 6 handbook, has been well-enough documented by now. They are often completely incapable of accepting either individual or group discipline and often reject the world of Global life altogether.'

Needless to say, when the link was made between this particular neuro-structure and the statistics of the more intractable members of the Underclass and its colourful mix of New Tribals was proven scientifically and not just once but several times, most governments were only too happy to leave this treatable condition to the New Schools. It helped that the welfare system totally backed the Agglomerates in these cases. Those untreated posed a large enough social problem outside Agglomerate life, amongst the Underclasses. Within it, however, they could also hamper and sabotage the smooth running of Agglomerate life to a significant degree.

The World President of Light and Peace had also proclaimed in his famous speech in support of our Schools: 'There is no longer any room,' he had said 'for those who do not wish to work, or to conform. Nor is there for those who were wilfully enslaved by their addictions or regressive ways. Nor is there any longer any place for people who refuse to fully incarnate within our most dynamic and forward-looking institutions.'

These people were of course always dealt with in professional, humane ways, as we did, but there were always sob stories from pressure groups about abuse and coercion.

'Dr Wright,' called my secretary. 'It's Simon on the line.'

Ah. I knew what my friend and colleague would want, as I took the proffered mobile and checked the screen. And Simon it was, and indeed he wanted only to tell me about the new training we were to attend that evening. Most of the Agglomerates required attendance at such Trainings of its employees, if they wished to fully enjoy all the privileges of the New Way. It had been found that without them that it was difficult keep on working from the highest possible levels of neuro-somatic consciousness for long. Business, it was now said, was still Business, but the new pragmatic spiritual Science could make Masters of even the lowliest of employees.

Simon and I had bonded during our initial Induction into fully-initiated Agglomerate life. Usually, he was open to a drink and some socialising after such events, less inclined than most Counsellors to take life as seriously as did some of our superiors.

'That was quite a tough Training tonight, don't you agree?' Simon said to me later, as we were cruising though one of the areas of Town set aside for Agglomerates, downing his beer. We had been focussing on our ability to focus totally on others whilst still totally centred within our Selves. This was not always easy - emotions could frequently cloud the most delicate of social interactions.

'I have to admit,' I confessed, 'I felt a little uncomfortable this evening in one or two of the Teamwork exercises.'

'I saw the Trainer watching you at one point,' Simon confirmed - and this, I have to say, did begin to disturb me a little. There had initially been concern voiced at what had been called a tendency to focus excessively on the problems of other people, particularly with women. However, I had been judged as being liberated from that once my Destructuring had been completed.

'I think,' I added firmly, 'That I have overcome any tendencies to over-focus on my partners in one-to-one situations.' 'It is possible,' I added, not wishing to seem too complacent, 'that I have been taking on one or two clients too many, however. I'll run a few tests for possible Burnout this week.'

Simon and I had both started working A-Aglom all of twenty years ago now after out Induction, so I did not really need to remind him of my past achievements, nor of his to me. All the same, however, I did not want to let him forget either, just in case…..

'I don't mean that you showed any actual friability,' added Simon. 'And you would hear it directly from me if I ever though you were.'

Many of the Agglomerates had an ongoing policy of Hidden Feedback - that is, of allowing Employees to repoort in secret on colleagues who appeared to be showing any signs of Friability - that is, where Individualisation had still not fully taken root, old reflexes and conditioning still not fully outgrown. Symptoms of this could certainly include any sign of self-doubt, or of being easily Triggered: that is, of displaying excessive emotional reactions to the provocations of Agglomerate life. And nowadays, at work, there was certainly plenty of room for provocation. I had counselled many burnt-out cases of this kind of pressure and bullying - all in fact, for the good of the Individual - though this was not often perceived by my Clients at the time.

Simon downed his drink. 'Would you like another?' he asked me. He was obviously feeling expansive at the moment, I thought, and also thought that I could relax where any possible betrayal of his might be concerned. Simon liked his drink, and I always made a point of being very tolerant of that when we were together, but…..

'Dr Wright!'

I heard my name called by a woman's voice - a young woman's voice - I could not quite place. Then I saw heer, and recognised her - it was Diana Hold, the Client I had seen earlier that very day. A somewhat strange frisson went through me as I saw her - one I did not, to my regret now, analyse as much as I could have at the time. And I was curious - this Diana Hold had managed to get into quite well-paid freelance positions where she was working. How could she have managed to achieve that in her present neuro-somatic condition?

So I asked her to join us, and Simon brought us both some extra drinks.

'Diana's slim body eased next to mine, and now she was close enough to me for me to be able to take in the physical presence of her being - and that unstoppable curiosity to get to know her on a deeper level returned.

'Do you do much in the way of physical workouts, Diana?' I asked her, curious to know how she kept her shape. Her slender, delicate proportions stopped just sort of being in any way asthenic, which would have been most unattractive, and frequently, but not always, was known to betray C-108 tendencies.

Diana gave a self-deprecating laugh. 'Good heavens, no!' she exclaimed. 'The only exercise I get is running from one appointment to another.'

'At this stage,' she reminded me, 'We're always given more than we can really deal with. To see if we can cope with the stress. It's part of our training.'

Her eyes caught mine just briefly, then looked away again shyly.  'The exercises and counselling you did with me,' she added, 'really helped. You must have a real gift for this kind of work.'

Her voice, her mannerisms, all indicated a great sweetness and gentleness of disposition, which I have to admit again, I did indeed find very appealing. Again, I found myself regretting that a creature as lovely as this could have been branded as she had been - but the referrals had certainly been explicit on that point. Sooner or later, that inferior predisposition would cause a lot of problems…

You must understand, as you read this, that I only ever had her best interests at heart. I did not at the time see why a little socialising might not be the ideal means in which to observe her more closely, so that later the work on her that needed to be done could proceed all the more smoothly.

'Here you are,' said Simon as he brought Diana her drink, his eyes catching hers. I noticed the way his sleeve brushed 'accidentally' against her chest and how she blushed - appreciatively.

I realise now that this probably made me quicker to move in than was wise. But I could see that Simon was attracted to Diana too and I did not want him to steal her away from me. I did not want him to interfere with delicate counselling work I knew I had to undertake with her and by this stage, I was already hoping that once Diana's problems were resolved we could perhaps stay friends in some way…

I do remember that the conversation we shared that night was one of the most interesting we had shared for ages. Diana, for all that the tests had really shown to me, was as forcefully intelligent and as erudite a conversationalist as many of those women I had met who were totally Individualised. On the surface, her personality seemed to be impressive indeed, which perhaps explained why she had not been picked out sooner, although my alerted eye was now wiser to a myriad of little nervous mannerisms and ways that betrayed her real state of development.

Some of the snippets of the conversation did remind me forcibly of that. I remember Simon asking her what she did for a living, and her explaining to us that she worked as a Speke Therapist for ex Tribals who wanted to be prepared for initiation into Global Life.

'That must be draining work,' Simon had commented. 'Dealing with former recidivists who have really only been forced into it because they need the money.'

'What you must understand,' Diana had said, 'These recidivists, as you call them, are often quite damaged people. Being branded as part of an Underclass is very undermining. That is why,' she added, 'Membership of the Tribals is so seductive. The need to belong after the chaos of the Botched Wars, after the Immigration Waves, the Second and Third Great Depressions.'

'The need to belong somewhere,' Simon continued sarcastically. 'But there is no Belonging any more, only Becoming, which is the way forward,' and I made a mental note of the fact that he was starting to sound a little drunk.

'Nevertheless,' Diana went on, 'I have had considerable success with my clients, simply because you do have to be very gentle with them to begin with. Asking them to give up their former identities and conditioning is a very tough proposition, one very hard to accept.' (Too soft an attitude, I thought to myself. When there should have been hard Clarity and a more clinical approach.)

Now I could come in with the question I wanted to ask, which was whether or not she had ever prepared her clients for DePatterning and Initiation. 'Most of these New Tribals,' I reminded her, 'Are often actively against being re-programmed, let alone assimilated. Are you involved in the redirection of any of these particular clients?'

As I suspected she might say, Diana said that she was not. When I asked her, however, if she had ever volunteered for the Higher Trainings put on by all the Agglomerates in one form or another, her answer was revealingly evasive. 'I attended,' she explained to us carefully,' some recognised Global Training schemes on the Encampment after leaving school. Perhaps you have heard of the Bonetti school?'

I, of course, had not, and neither had Simon, but at this stage I judged it more politic to go along with any fantasies I might encounter at this stage from Diana.

'At any rate,' Simon then concluded, 'You have to admit, some of the New Tribals are so outlandish, they are probably beyond hope anyway within the New Society, after what some of them have done to themselves.'

'Scarification and piercings,' Diana put in tartly, 'Can be reversed in 90% of all cases.'

'But what about some of those designer modifiers on the market?' I reminded Diana, but still trying to keep the conversation light. 'The ones that give you lovely dreams, erotic sensations, but take away not just the power to speak, but even to concentrate. How can these people then even make the first necessary steps into assimilating into Global culture after having their brains mashed by what that does to you?'

Diana observed me in turn in a way I could have said was somewhat clinical too, what I could even have said was a challenge. 'I like to think,' she told me, 'that too much emphasis on Individualising could itself create certain other kinds of undesirable states of mind.'

Diana was beginning to look uncomfortable. Here, I thought, her very evasiveness was beginning to betray her C-108 structure too. I decided, however, to lighten the conversation with anecdotes from work - ones with which Diana could share, as an employee herself and soon we began to settle ourselves into a very mellow and enjoyable evening. We were enjoying ourselves so much, in fact, that it came as a jolt when Diana exclaimed loudly on looking at her palmtop.

'Damn again!' she cursed. 'I've missed the last connection home.'

'There are plenty of taxis near here,' Simon reminded her easily. 'You should not have a problem in getting back.'

Diana's face, however, began to pucker and her fists clenched. 'I have a 5 o'clock start tomorrow, working without a break until 8 in the evening!' The fifth time I have had to do that in a row for three months running!'

She still seemed to be very close to crying and losing control. I began to see how it was her colleagues might have decided that she could be friable. But what a schedule for what was only the start of a week…I touched her briefly along her back, which was also tensed up.

'I don't mind giving you a lift back,' I whispered soothingly into her ear. 'You'll be fine for your work tomorrow, I promise you.'

Alone with me in the car, Diana calmed down a little. I remember that I asked he about some of her favourite hobbies, as at this point, I genuinely wanted her to concentrate on less stressful things, to help her relax. As it turned out, he shared an important hobby of mine: she was a painter. It also turned out that she was following a similar approach to myself, an abstract path that opened the way to a more deeply-realised spirituality. As she talked, she became more and more animated and I became more and more fascinated.

'It is my wellspring,' she confided in me. 'Without it, if life was just - well - meaningless if you know what I mean.'

That did strike rather a poignant chord with me - I knew exactly what she meant. I frequently reminded my overworked clients that they should follow my example and allow their emerging Intuitions to find a voice, as a balance to the need to Work, which was much a spiritual imperative as a material one. But was Diana's creative work truly working from the higher intuitional agencies? I asked her more and more questions in a greater hope to understand her and it was clear that this attention was extremely gratifying to Diana.

'I'd love to show you some of my paintings,' she told me, eyeing me with what I clinically recognised to be a peripheral glance - a tell-tale sign of regressive tendencies in point of fact. 'It would be nice to show them to someone who could understand.'

I did understand of course, but not in the way she thought I did.

Again, you who are now reading this will probably now agree that I acted unprofessionally, out of turn, when I say that I decided afterwards to go back with Diana after this meeting, to her flat. She wanted to show me some paintings and I decided to come and see for myself how she was channelling her energies. But I still swear, I only wanted to do whatever I did for the best. For the New Society we lived in, ultimately for Diana's best, and for the best of those like her too.

Once again, I was actually most impressed with the sheer quality of the work that she was doing when she showed me her work. I would even avow that it put mine completely in the shade. As in my case and in many others who had taken up trainings in following an Intuitional mode of expressing Inner Development, it was clear that the compositions she showed me had their roots in something in a deeply psychic process.

But how could I - or we - be sure that these compositions did follow Intuitional rules, and were not simply something far more organic and therefore regressive?

When I put the question to Diana, she went quiet.

'Are you telling me?' she asked me, 'That all this has no real Objective validity? I thought you had told me they were good!' Her expressive eyes had begun to mist. She was beginning to display the sensitivity of her C-108 structure.

I realised I was pushing her too hard, and I did not as yet want to do that. So I decided to relax her a little, as she seemed so tense. I put my arm around her, began to massage her slender neck and delicate shoulders. She just was so fragile in my arms, so vulnerable and yielding. Obviously, her parasitically C-108 allure had hooked me in, I realise that now. This is how this whole current chain of events started….

The sex was amazing too - different in character to most of the more evolved women I had bedded, to be sure: Diana was indeed much more passive by far than an Individualised woman might be, but very responsive indeed to my caresses. I could not help noting that whilst slender, her physique was not especially toned, but rather soft, though sensual. More tantalising to me, however, was that there was a certain distance from me with Diana that I did find absolutely maddening. I never felt that she was truly with me at our most intimate moments, that I could truly grasp her totally, in body and in spirit.

The sexuality of personality structures such as the C-108 had not yet, I suspected, been studied enough. I hoped to be in the privileged position of being one of the first to not only effect full Adjustment on an outer level in treating this case, but also to be a full mentor and witness in watching evolving Selfhood emerge within an infinitely more personalised arena, too.

At the time, it just seemed that Diana was lonely and needed a partner. It is probably true that she required a partner who was something of her intellectual equal, such as myself. I was becoming more and more convinced that I was the perfect match for Diana, both as her lover and friend, and as her Mentor and Liberator. Before I left, Diana did ask me - again somewhat coquettishly - if it was appropriate for us to be lovers, when I was also her Counsellor, but I was able to reassure her on that.

'We'll soon have you as relaxed as you need to be,' I promised her, 'at home and at work. 'Business and pleasure do sometimes mix, you know.'

In my next two sessions with her, I simply did just that: I showed her how to quieten her mind in order to give her a little more inner tranquillity from her day-to-day stresses and at worked it did seem that my superiors were happy with the way I was handling the case. The Supervisor did called me in to discuss Diana Hold's treatment. She knew that I was seeing her outside work hours and at this stage had seemed unconcerned by it. 'I am satisfied,' she had opined in her hearty way,' that your professional detachment will be a boon in this case.'

She then eyed me in a rather calculating way before then asking me: 'How long do you think she will need before we get any breakthrough?'

This meant the procedure of putting continual, unrelenting pressure on her in order to push her to the State of No Return. That was, of course, that well-documented, critical threshold stage where the feeble defences of the false ego structures challenged to such a degree in the Rehabilitation Process that they were no longer able to define her existing sense of self. It was, however, something I knew to still be a long way off yet.

I continued to flatter her wrong-headed little foibles whenever we met, making good use of the fact that she looked up to what she saw as my understanding and empathy as a counsellor. It was gratifying to see how easy it was then to keep on seducing her in every way, although I have to say that I remained dissatisfied in not being able to get through to her on a deeper level.

'You are afraid,' I had once suggested to her 'Of opening yourself up to me completely. Of letting me see you as you really are.'

She had not liked that much at the time.

In the meantime, however, it has to be said that our relationship was deepening. I believed that I did still had enough professional detachment not to get too enmeshed with Diana's problems - not, at any rate, to the degree, that I would no longer be able to carry out what I knew I would eventually have to do. Diana could be very kind and understanding in all kinds of small ways that were also very seductive - a stronger, more evolved woman would have challenged me in any area where I might have shown any weaknesses, attacked them for my better good. Diana simply just let me be: I could show tiredness, or irritability in a way I would never dared have shown any of my colleagues at work.

Also, I was learning many new things from her: disturbing things. Without actually ever admitting that she suspected she might be C-108, she let me know that she knew of many others who were secretly rather less than Individualised than could have been desired, whilst successfully managing to hide it. In fact - and this seemed particularly subversive to my understanding of the basic neuro-somatic foundations that paved the way to Inner Clarity and Truth - it was suspected that many C-108 individuals were now manipulating their Counsellors if they had been coerced into it! They simply allowed the new Opening to strengthen their egos on the outside whilst internally, these were still in thrall to the lowest aspects of our neuro-structures! I remember asking her why that might be the case, as surely most fully-realised Individuals must surely want to be as much as they could possibly be, but she countered that.

'Many people,' she explained to me after I had allowed her to drink more than her fair share of a bottle of good wine one evening, 'Are just not happy with the idea of giving all of themselves to what they see as fairly tyrannical demands on their inner lives.’

’As you once agreed with me,’ she reminded me ’It is all just work, work, work.’

And finally, becoming uncharacteristically open, she added: ’It is just not enough that the system’ – and here, she virtually spat out the word, revealing her truly Recidivist leanings – ’the system wants not just the best of your time, the best of your energy, even the way you dress, and the way you even move.’

She then held my eyes deeply, for an uncharacteristically long moment, before claiming:

’It has to have all of you. It wants to own your very soul.’

I found myself wanting to support her then in her struggle – her eyes had seemed so weary, so battle-worn. In my notes on the case, I recorded that I was still in the early stages of the treatment, where it is still important to maintain the client’s trust, rather than confront them. Accordingly, I held her in my arms, comforted her and gently stroked her fine hair, as though she were a child of mine and not a patient.

When I pressed her further, I learnt still more disturbing things of which I was sure would have to be further investigated. Most experts of the C-108 syndrome were well aware that many of its sufferers were perversely attached to the inner sensitivity and endless flow of sensual images it could bestow - indeed, many visually and musically gifted individuals to still have a residual dose of - naturally - very well-controlled and modulated C-108.

'Many of the Modifiers,' Diana reminded me 'That you can get on the black market were increasingly being used to enhance both sensuality and certain psychic processes.'

A couple of times, when I had asked her very gently about her own inner state of being, I could tell that she was close to admitting that she was C-108. I continued to put pressure on her to see, for example, if she had any real understanding of the gulf of difference that lay between developed Intuition and mere subjective automatism and it was interesting to see that the question regarding her creativity was still continuing to worry her.

At this stage I still did not want to push her. I would find out in time why there could still be so much attachment to such regressive ways of being - and we had time, I could be sure of that.

So it came as a surprise to me, when out of the blue I was again called to the Supervisor's office.

I still have not been able to fathom why my relationship with Diana hold had now become an issue, when previously it had not. Perhaps I had delayed a little too long, not wanting to do what was necessary. It was not, of course, that my professionalism was held in any doubt, but, well, there had been just a hint here or therefore that my interest in her might be just a little bit too personal. Otherwise, why else would I be panning out the process for as long as I was?

Simon, I thought, with some bitterness. Or if not him then some other jealous colleague.

The upshot of the conversation was that I knew that I could no longer delay the most important stage in Diana's necessary treatment, or she would have to be officially denounced and then forcibly admitted for Re-Patterning.

I began that very week.

'Why are you watching me in this way?' she had demanded, as I began first merely and unrelentingly observing her, her mannerisms and her defences, then accompanying this with verbal attacks. It did not take long to destabilise her. I had observed so many times how she had refused to meet my eyes after our closest moments together, how protective she had seemed to me to be of her own inner world. I had observed her long enough and well enough to know exactly where to push.

One occasion in particular was fairly grim. She had started to shake from head to foot, and had then started to throw whatever there was to hand in the room at me. 'Murderer!' she had screamed several times. 'You are trying to murder me!'

For the first time, the Supervisor had had to take over my work from me that particular afternoon, but at the time, I think it was still accepted that the distress my client was experiencing came within the normal range of adverse reactions to the process of rehabilitation.

I do have to admit that at this stage I did have some concerns that our very special relationship might not be able to survive the rigours of her Restructuring, but I reminded myself that the charge of 'murderer' is of course totally irrational. You cannot murder something that has no real authenticity anyway.

'Look at me!' I had also once thundered at her, when her eyes could not meet mine. 'Hiding!’ I told her. ’Still, always hiding yourself from me'

'You have no real substance,' I had told her on another occasion. 'Your creative work consists of nothing but baubles. You yourself are nothing more than an empty bauble. Take the way you responded to me just now'…..as I unpicked yet another strand of her feeble C-108 patterning.

All that would eventually have to give way and allow the Individualised Self in her to finally break through! I have to admit, I was looking forward to exploring that new Self with her together sexually too, once the final breakthrough had come.

Before that happened, however, in the flat along with me where we were still cohabiting she rocked and whimpered, although I did not use my private time to further push her. In typically C-108 Victim way, she did not try to fight back or resist as a fully-Realised person would have done. I certainly never tried to force myself in what I could see was the most painful time she would ever have to experience in her life.

'We have to make many sacrifices in order to evolve,' I had explained to her. 'Your rehabilitation was always a condition of your job and position.'

Truly, of course, we Counsellors are never, though some may find it hard to believe, brutal or sadistic: we do recognise that the mourning for the old ways of being has to be respected. At this point in time I had liked to think that from the viewpoint of her true inner being, she welcomed my intervention, and would be grateful to me, ultimately. I have to admit that for a time, I thought that she would never emerge from this mourning stage, that she would continue, stubbornly and weakly, to resist me.

Fortunately, it then seemed that Diana was beginning to open up to me in a new way. At first, very hesitantly and then more insistently, she asked me for my advice on how she should dress and present herself, as she could now she that she had been in error.

It had been music to my ears.

'Let's have a look at this catalogue of approved styles together,' I had told her, embracing her.

At last, we could now relate together as Equals, though she did still look to me for just that little extra guidance - as her new mentor, as well as lover.

She had changed her way of dress into something far more rigorous and conventional, as befitting someone fully prepared to conform to the outer expectations of Agglomerate life. Moreover, she had apparently Re-Adjusted according to what my Supervisor - a very strong, perceptive woman of great wisdom and perception - had already decreed what her true nature demanded of her. She had been convinced, when analysing the readings of her neuro-somatic character structure, that her C-108 tendencies were actually veiling an A-66 individuality. I had been most impressed. This actually divested her with potential for the mastery of great inner power indeed. If it could be released.

I was so proud of her, as she continued to develop herself. The crowning moment of this was when I presented her not just to the Supervisor, but to the whole Board of our clinic, as a model example of a successful breakthrough to Individuation.

'I must say,' one of the Directors had said. 'We did have doubts about how this one would go. That C-108 structure is notoriously stubborn.'

'It must be', added another, 'Because you were so successful in combining business with pleasure. Well done, lad!'

Whatever the case, Diana had proclaimed to lose all interest in her old likes and dislikes, her old, maladjusted habitual ways of being. Even the way she moved, the way the muscles in her face had moved, had all been cunningly simulated to look as though she had broken through and triumphantly Individualised.

She gave up painting. I was sad to see this, but I suspected it might happen once she relinquished her former ways of being.

In one grand gesture, one evening, she simply picked up all her old painting materials, all what she now called her 'pathological' pieces of work and threw them into the local crusher.

I can see now that I was blind. I continued to believe everything was going well until without warning, all my work for her treatment and recovery was completely thrown back in my face and spat on for good measure.

I knew that there was trouble when the Supervisor called me in to discuss an important matter again. As usual she had smiled as she led me to the chair in front of her, but I knew that meant nothing. I was more concerned about the way she firmly shut the door behind her. 'It's about Diana Hold,' she had told me and I felt a dead weight fall from my chest to my feet.

Apparently she had disappeared without trace.

Now, at the time of writing, I have no idea if she is still at large or not, and as for my own future, but I do remember the rest of that dreadful interview all too well.

'Because of your personal involvement with the case and its mishandling,' the supervisor had told me, her eyes totally devoid of the comradely warmth with which they had always met me until now. 'You can expect to be subjected to any battery of clinical tests for any residual signs of regressive neurological activity in my own bio-cerebral make-up.' There was no shaking of hands as I left the room.

This last brief does not imply anything as serious as a C-108 syndrome, of course, but even I have to confess that clearly some kind of unruly neuro-somatic element was at work somewhere within me regarding the Hold case. It may indeed need to be dealt with appropriately before I can be deemed to be totally fit to work with clients without supervision, although many of my colleagues - Simon included - expressed sympathy for the way I was mislead by Hold's duplicity.

'They only minded the fact that you were sleeping with that woman until it all backfired,' he reassured me. 'If you are suitably penitent for a while, play the game a little I'm sure they'll conveniently forget about the whole case.'

I, however, am not so sure.

'The problem is,' the Supervisor had told me, 'Is that Diana Hold must be tracked down and neutralised. The capacity for pro-activity of even an only partially masked A66 but with a C108 structure still in the driving seat is going to worry a lot of people, you know.'

She was clearly thinking of the increase of demonstrations by New Tribals against the Agglomerates. Some of these were not far off approaching a new wave of civil terrorism.

That means I could still be made a scapegoat of the whole sorry mess.

My supervisor, however, had save her last devastating piece of information until last. Diana Hold's computer had been impounded. Much of her primitive creations had been saved there, so no wonder she had not wept at throwing her creation's work into the crusher. More to the point, a diary she had been keeping had been accessed.

They reveal that not only had she been aware of her C-108 tendencies for many years, but that she had, because of it, been leading a double life, had in fact, been actively dissident in her thinking for many years before I had met her. By the time I had met her, the strain of leading this double life had been starting to get on top of her. Initially she had actually seen me as some kind of guru who could rescue her, as well as professing deep love and gratitude towards me.

It was with a look of gleeful triumph that the Supervisor had shown me some of Diana's recent entries regarding our relationship.

'Alex repels me utterly now,' they had read. 'His complacent lecturing, that contrived stare into my brand new counterfeit soul. But the only way to forward is to keep on pretending that I actually still find him attractive.'

It seems, however, that her Rehabilitation might have fooled myself and the rest of the treatment staff centre where we had worked, it had still not fooled some of her colleagues. After she had been discharged from Treatment with us, she had been referred again through the agency of the Hidden Feedback system, and this time on a compulsory basis. Only by the time this had happened, she had engineered her disappearing act. I now realise that even before I had apparently 'turned on her and betrayed her sacred trust,' some kind of instinct for self-defence had told her not to reveal too much to me about any network of buddies and unsavoury New Tribals from outside, who might even now be harbouring her.

The Supervisor has already been given me a new case on which to work. Apparently, certain members of our school had fully endorsed my tactic, as they saw it, of 'mixing business and pleasure,' although questions had naturaly been raised again over my tendency to get over-involved with the problems of others.

'We shall, however,' the Supervisor warned me,' this time be monitoring you very closely for any possible signs of over-involvement.'

'And,' she added, her eyes fixing me again with all the strength of years of psycho-spiritual Growth, 'We do not expect you to attempt any follow-up of the Hold case.'

I think for the time being, however, my act of contrition seemed sincere enough. I know I am being tested for my professionalism to the limit with my impending new case and I do not know how much I am being monitored outside working hours. However….

'You might have better luck if you try the Inner District,' Simon had lazily commented one evening out, after my eyes had been following a certain slim, blonde figure. (I had known that it could not really be Diana.)

'There is a little trouble fomenting in the Bazaar district,' he had added in the same casual tone. 'There have been sightings of your old client, I believe.'

That clinched it for me. I shall be discreet, but despite the warnings of my Supervisor, I really cannot just leave things as they stand. Diana Hold was my Client and I failed her, with or without the help of my colleagues. I believe that really, deep down she must still see me as her saviour. Our Centre would never be fooled in the same way again by her deceitful subterfuges, but I know her far more intimately than that. I alone have the keys to the full liberation of her true nature and once I have the opportunity again to help her break through to that, I know that the love she must also feel for me will also be released in full light and awareness for each other.