SCENE 1-(The whole crew, including our dear BEE GEES,
are portaging through the woods. ANDREW, with a pack
on his back, is tagging along after BARRY, who is
being very macho, carrying a canoe, and wearing a
really tight tank top. All the girls are swooning.
ANDREW trips and does the 'turtle roll')
ANDREW: Hey Barry, is that really you belching into
the microphone on Tragedy? How in tarnation do you
belch that loud?!?
BARRY: (matter of factly) Well, you've just got to let
it come naturally. Allow me to
deomontstrate-EEEEOOOUUUUURRRRR!!!!!
(DENA, who is absolutely repulsed by belching of any
sort, stops swooning.)
ANDREW: And Barry, can you teach me how to do that
falsetto scream, like the one in Tragedy?
BARRY: It's all about using your diaphram, really.
EEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
MRS BERRY: Well, that'll keep the bears away!
SCENE 2-(After a long day of portaging, MR MARSHALL
and ROBIN Psychotically stare into the campfire with
an insane light in their eyes.......)
MR BERRY: What's gotten into them?
RYAN: They've been around Annemarie too long!
MICHELLE: Maybe it's the unpurified water....
MRS BERRY: The haven't eaten all day! My food isn't
THAT suspicious.....
BARRY: Well Robin never eats anyway...
RYAN: AH HA! SO that's how Robin got the coveted title
of "The One Person On Earth Who Is Skinnier Than
Andrew"!
ANDREW: Shut up Ryan! I'm all muscle!!
(ANDREW flexes his arm muscle. Everyone laughs
hysterically. DENA just about rolls into the campfire)
ERIKA: Eureka! I know why they are staring
psychotically into the fire!!
CHRISTY: (Sarcasticly) Robin is madly in love with you
and now he's suicidal because he saw that log where
Andrew carved 'Erika loves Vega'?
ERIKA: ha! (smiles sardonicly) No! They haven't
watched the History Channel for a whole week!!!!
SCENE 3- (Everyone decides to go swimming.........)
ERIKA: Where's Robin?
MO: Oh, he got his earing tangled up in the tent
zipper. He'll be here as soon as Mrs. Berry gets done
untangling him......
BARRY: Do we have to wear these dumb life squares?
ERIKA: Yeah, you'd better put the bloody thing on. If
there's one thing you don't wanna do, it's get into an
argument with Mr. Berry. Believe me, I should know.
MO: Baz (<-Barry's nickname) is just mad because he wanted to
show off his chest!
ANDREW: Hey Barry, I bet I have bigger abs than you!
(BARRY and ANDREW compare abs) Ha! My six pack is more
defined!!
BARRY: (mumbling) I knew I shouldn't have eaten that
whole pan of burned brownies that Mr. Berry cooked in
the reflector oven........
CHRISTY: Well I think that Barry still has a better
chest than you, Andrew! (BARRY an ANDREW compare
chests) Yep, Barry's is a whole lot better...not to
mention a whole lot hairier........
ERIKA & DENA: Hey Barry! I bet our legs are hairier
than your chest!!!!
BARRY: (Taking one quick glance at their legs and
becoming queasy) Ok!! You guys win!!
CHRISTY: (in a Sir Hiss voice) I told you guys to
bring razors, but no, no, no, you wouldn't
listen......
SCENE 4- (ALLISON & BARRY are brushing their
teeth......)
ERIKA, CHRISTY, DENA, & MICHELLE: (glancing at ALLISON
and BARRY) Mental.
CANDI: Hey Michelle, what are Allison and Barry doing?
They've been brushing their teeth for 45 minutes!!!
MICHELLE: Oh, Allison's just doing her normal routine,
and Barry's showing her how he gets his teeth to be so
unrealistically perfect......
ROBIN: They're caps. 500 bucks a tooth.
SCENE 5- (A shrill falsetto scream comes from inside
the older girls tent.......)
DENA: What was that?
CHRSITY: Lisa's doing Barry's hair.
(ERIKA's eyes glaze over and she goes into the Ace
Bentura Position)
DENA: Oh no, Erika's having flashbacks again. She
still hasn't recovered from the time when Lisa did her
hair and we had to cut the braids out with a hacksaw.
(BARRY and LISA emerge from the tent. BARRY's hair is
pulled back in the most hideous frenchbraid the world
has ever seen, not to mention that the braid is so
tight that his eyes are slanting up. Everyone laughs
hysterically)
DENA: We're gonna need a chainsaw!
LISA: Hey Maurice, you're next! You've got to have
some hair under that hat! come here!! (MO takes a
couple strategic hops backward) Come on! It'll look
really cool!! Walk on the wild side! Live on the edge!
(She makes a grab for his hat)
MO: No, I'm a goody-two-shoes! I could never do that!
(Wild with panic, he begins climbing a tree)
ROBIN: (with a toothy smile) Lisa, you can do my hair.
CHRISTY: (in Zorack voice) Ehh.... what hair?
LISA: (rolling her eyes) yeah right. Mr. Berry has
more hair than you! Hey.... that's an idea! (goes of
waving brush) HEY!!! MR BEEEERRYYYY!!!!
BARRY: No offense Robin, but by the time she got
through with your hair, there wouldn't be anything
left. Not that that would be much of a loss or
anything....
SCENE 6- (MRS BERRY gets ready to cook dinner....)
MRS BERRY: Hey! Where's the food pack!
ROBIN: You mean that miserable one with that big
cookstove and bent up brownie pan that Maurice was
carrying?
MRS BERRY: That's the one!
(MO starts to hop discreetly away)
ROBIN: Maurice!! You didn't pick it back up when you
stopped for gorp FIFTEEN MILES upstream!!??
MO: Well I well I, I, I,I......
SCENE 7- (Mrs. Berry makes a bedtime snack........)
MRS BERRY: The hot chocolate is ready!!!!
(Everyone stampedes over and lands in a heap)
ALLISON: OW!!! My pancreas!!!!
(ERIKA, DENA & ROBIN get high with a little help from
the hot chocolate mix, which they are snorting up
their noses)
ALLISON: Hey! Where are the mothmallows?!!!???
MICHELLE: Yeah, hot chocolate's no good without
mothmallows!!
(MRS BERRY searches frantically for the mothmallows)
BARRY: (suddently drops his cup of hot chocolate)
MAURICE! You didn't!!! Please tell me you didn't!!!
MO: I had a dream I was eating my pillow and when I
woke up the marshmallows were gone!!!
THE END
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