The Next Day

Back in the hotel three Crowes, a fly on the wall and Audley gathered to hear uncle Jim's stories about his days in Led Zeppelin. Chris Crowe asked, "So, Uncle Jim, tell us a story about Bonzo."

Uncle Jim loves his musical nephews (maybe excepting Rich-Retch Crowe) and so they are the only ones he bothers to tell these stories to. He said, "Well, let me tell you about a time in Japan where the women are very modest and keep themselves tightly wrapped." He went on to give an hour-long history lesson explaining why the women are so outwardly modest in Japan. Then Chris asked a question and Uncle Jim was diverted. When he returned to the story about Bonzo, he had forgotten that he had already given the history of Japanese modesty, and he gave another hour's lecture. Chris nearly fell asleep, but Organist Crowe enjoyed hearing about history and women. Finally Jimmy brought the history lesson up to modern times and began to tell of a modest young Japanese girl he had wooed for a period of days. At that time he was staying in a certain hotel room, which had had its door slashed by Peter Grant and Bonzo bearing Samurai swords. And so the story went on and ended with the amusing fact that Jimmy and this Japanese girl had accidentally traded shoes and he still had hers. Chris asked, "But what about Bonzo?" But it was too late, Uncle Jim had already fallen asleep.

When Chris asked, "Tell us about Lori." Jimmy revived and answered, "Well… you boys know a little about romance…." His voice trailed off and Uncle Jones appeared to divert the subject by questioning just how much young Chris Crowe knew about romance.

That evening it was discovered that Organist Crowe was a vegetarian, as he bonded with the fly on the wall. Drummer Crowe was present as well and was sure to ask Uncle Jim annoying and uncomfortable questions about Robert. Retch Crowe had his own room, as he was not uncle Jim's favorite. Bassist Crowe kept Retch company in the lower level of the hotel. Finally the Crowes and their uncle Jim nestled down and went to sleep in a pile of junk food.

In the morning the Crowes were still present. They bungled out of bed at about 8:30. Organist Crowe gave Bassist Crowe an early morning prank call and Chris was very amused. Richard Cole went on a breakfast hunt and brought back some pleasant muffins. Uncle Jones had a nice english muffin and some orange juice. No tea for me, caffeine tightens the vocal chords, and I had to be all loosened up for PETE that evening!

While we watched Sunday morning cartoons (Wallace and Grommet), Uncle Jim got a hold of some orange juice. He was so tired that Chris had to stand by in case Jimmy said, "I'm about to drop my orange juice." Some hours bungled by with still no word from Retch or Bassist Crowe. Finally we received a phone call and they said that they'd take showers and be ready in an hour. Well, the characters (Jones and Organist Crowe) were wearing off of me and I was desperate for a laundry mat to wash my mud soaked jeans from the night before. Also, I needed to dry the only pair of shoes I had. So I called Retch back and demanded that they hurry. After all, I had taken a 2.5-minute shower, and there was no reason that they couldn't do the same. Well, there was reason. Retch had to shave his other armpit and seeing as it was a virgin armpit, that took quite a while.

As the early morning sleepies wore off, I began to get very excited about seeing PETE. I sneaked up behind Keith on the other bed and gave him a tickle. Well, needless to say, a horrible Pete/Keith tussle started up. Cole fled quickly out of our path. Uncle Jim and Chris watched wearily from the other bed, and Drummer Crowe joined them. It was merely a Quickle Tickle and after turning over a chair and striping the bed of all covers, Keith and I went about as if nothing had happened. We planned to save our hotel destruction for that evening.

So finally the other Crowes came up at about noon and they were ready to eat. Reverend Bible led a half-hour devotion first and then we prepared to leave for Ye Olde Cleaners and K-Mart. A couple of hours passed and the Bassist Crowe became a very hungry Peter Grant. He demanded that we eat and so with our laundry finally dry, we took a quick trip to Taco Hell.

We knew what awaited us upon our return to the hotel and we were excited. Our hotel was directly next to a HOT BOYZ Hand Car Wash. A Motley video was about to be produced. Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Niki Sixx, and Mick Mars got into costume. Their groupies and press agent dolled themselves up and we all went out to HOT BOYZ. First we filmed from our side of the fence, but then we knew that we had to go over. Painters were working on the lot and Motley was a little nervous to cross the fence. Jones had to go up and ask one of the painters if Motley Crue could film in HOT BOYZ lot. I believe that I said, "Sir! Excuse me, sir. I was wondering if my Motley bunch might be able to film a little video over there?" He said, "You want me to send you a video?" He didn't speak fluent English. "Um, No!" I said, "I would like to film in your lot. We'd be sure to stay out of your way." So we got permission and over the fence we went.

In the HOT BOYZ lot Motley Crue took their positions with their implements necessary for "hand washing." The girls prepared to pile out of the car and Jones held the camera. Lets just say that the video went very well once Jones remembered to push the "record" button. ;-) The video was a free for all. It was crazy and can't be elaborated on here.

After the video session it was time for Erika to wipe the "MAYHEM" off of her stomach and to prepare to see Roger. While Motley cleaned up, I was hit by a heavy dose of Pre-Pete Mindlessness Syndrome. I put on his pajama/long underwear shirt (sorry, I can't remember where I saw him wear it, but I know he did). I wore my Who pin and pretended that it was a picture of Meher Baba. I donned my freshly cleaned jeans and tennis shoes and was ready to see PETE.
I WAS READY TO SEE PETE!!