Hurts::

Sitting here, feeling good over a week
And then a reminder that there's another out there
Who once made you happy, at least for a little while...
A moment of temporary illusion...
A mirror with no reflection.

I see a gothboy's page today
And for some reason I am reminded of another
I think the resemblance is in the eyes
And a penchant for wearing spiderweb tights
Other than that, that's all there is.
But the eyes of another haunted me today
And I felt hurt, by all and nothing
And mostly by myself.

Cause one makes their choices and with 
Me, well I never stop questioning them.
And for a while you can just forget it all
For a while you can pretend people just disappeared
Like they always said they would.
And the games are over and the stands are empty
And no one's there cause no one ever was
Cause I didn't even feign to care.

And I got so sick of everyone telling me I was bad
And tired of all the emotional drains each day
Which, in their own way, were fun while they lasted
Til they became a hurricane and drove at the mind
Like a thousand rains...then it gets rather tiring.
Trying to walk with the wind howling round.
I've never been in a real hurricane.
But I know what the feeling is.
Torrents, torrid, wet, drenched and gone.
And left in ruins, washed away.

And I try to understand it all
But I can't, and that's just the way things are.
People ask me to make sense of it all, 
As if I can.
Just searching for happiness, knowing
It will be my shadow
Always at my feet, connected
Yet not really mine, nor really me.
Just an extension of twisted dark.
Cause that's how its been.

So, if you see me, know I am thinking
Of all the things that don' t make sense
And still haunted by eyes, when I see a 
Glimpse of something familiar.
But all the bad just rose up and overcame
Like a flood, and I see them swimming to live
All the people I've known.
And I'd try to throw them a lifevest
But I don't really have one.
Not even for me.

-Kimberly N. Hunt
June 1998







(c)1998