Heavy Metal 2000
This follow-up to the cult 1981 animated anthology is based on a graphic novel co-written by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles creator Kevin Eastman, who is also now publisher of the formerly subversive (and formerly interesting) softcore illustrated sci-fi/fantasy magazine that lent its name to both films. When word first turned up on the movie rumor sites three years ago, I foolishly set aside some enthusiasm for a possible nostalgia trip; seeing the original at a midnight show way-back-when had been surprisingly diverting, what with a weedy midnight crowd trying to stamp their feet in time to Don Felder’s aptly motivational “Heavy Metal (Takin’ a Ride).” One writer had advised to expect something this time like “’Xena’ on mescaline, with guns,” which sounded promising. But months dragged by, and when 2000 was finally completed it couldn’t find a distributor, which is never a good sign. That it finally premiered last July on the STARZ! cable network should have been the deciding omen.
What we’ve got here is essentially an uncredited remake of the final story from the original, expanded as a starring vehicle for Eastman’s amazon wife, pin-up and direct-to-video scream queen Julie Strain. How, you may ask, can an animated movie be a starring vehicle? Easy. The main character is “Julie,” a vengeance-obsessed space jockey enamored almost as much with full-auto belt-fed weaponry as with showing off her way-more-than-ample gravity-defying anatomy, is modeled closely after Strain, who also supplies her alter ego’s voice. Compared to the first Heavy Metal, it’s less humorous, less ambitious, more slickly animated (although terribly edited; every other scene ends with a blackout, like the whole narrative subtext was left unfinished), and has a high-watt soundtrack that’s contemporary-loud but lacks any old-school memorable hooks. Worst of all, it suffers from flagrant underlying p.c. D+
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