Dog Food Pizza

My good friend Lyndsy and I were cursed last year with a petty, bitchy, childish, trouble-seeking Resident Advisor. This girl would seek out the slightest of wrongdoings and gloat over "catching" us at our sins. I was "caught" having pets - a fishtank I'd had for years (it was always OK before. What are the fish going to do, escape and multiply in the walls?). A friend had to take out his license and prove he was over 21 because this girl caught him with a bottle of wine in his room (and threatened to pour it out in the sink if he didn't show ID). And she had a crony, a brainless Cali Valleygirl who kissed her ass and squealed to her at every opportunity. These people will NOT remain anonymous. The RA was a miss DANA SAHI, a graduate student still living in the dorms at age 27, and her bootlick was CHRISSIE LAM, an eternal freshman in every respect. So the following is justified, in any capacity.

The Gears Start A-Turnin'

I was always one for a good prank. It was no surprise, then, when I saw the first flyer for a dorm-wide "PotLuck Dinner", that my Mischief Gland started to throb. The deal was, you'd give the RA a grocery list not exceeding $30 and a recipe, and the RA's would go out and buy all your ingredients. Then you'd cook up your chow and everyone would bring it downstairs for a big homecooked dinner. I had several ideas, some involving over-the-counter laxatives and/or potent cold medicines (or just plain LSD), but, not wanting a law suit on my hands, I decided on a legal, yet tantalizingly evil plot.

My Legal, Yet Tantalizingly Evil Plot Commences!

Here, in glorious full color, is the photographic account of our Alpo Abbondanza!

Here's Lyndsy, holding up the goods. We didn't even spring for the good stuff - that there's "America's Choice Beef Dinner for Dogs!"
The meat wasn't chunky. It was a pink paste. We had to disguise it somehow. Notice the months-old piece of newspaper from the floor it's sitting on.

So, here's me, frying it up! We added garlic, onions, basil. It was smellin' pretty good by this point - I'm a regular Julia Child(s?)! And I've got my terrier Pixies shirt on just for the occasion.



The pizza, before we cooked it. That's a Boboli crust. We'd gotten about ten pounds of cheese from the store to keep the extra for our own use - why not get a little something free from all this? The meat, after the frying and then the baking, came out a rich, deep black. I'm amazed anyone would touch it.

And so, here's our little soiree. We'd made a cheese pizza as well, and to encourage everyone, we ate most of it then and there. But the dog food pizza was consumed quickly...


...by none other than DANA and CHRISSIE! Ah HAH hah hah hah hah hah! HAH hah hah hah!!!

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