~o~ Weird Stuff ~o~

Weird Things People E-Mail Me

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8. The longest one syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.
16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous";
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los
Angeles de Porciuncula"
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the
cop and Ernie the cab driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life".
25. A dragon fly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. In England, the Speaker of the House in not allowed to speak.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and
a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32. Mr. Rogers (from the children's show) is an ordained minister.
33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the lefthand.

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. At age 71, the Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. Dough Boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flour, as long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Dough Boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Dough Boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he did not. Dough Boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their  shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Like it or not, the new Texas White House will be in Crawford, Texas and soon will  be drawing a number of people to the state, including many who are not used to Texas ways.  They might find the following advice useful. 
 1)  Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local restaurant.  It's a cafe.  They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak.  Let them cook something they know.  If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass
 2)  Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley, Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.).  Or we will HAVE to kick your ass.
 3)  Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda.  In Texas it's called a coke.  Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or  whatever - it's still a coke.  Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an  ass kicking
 4)  We know our heritage.  Most of us are more literate than you (read some J. Frank Dobie).  We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer than you.  Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll kick your ass.
 5)  We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot, Southwest Airlines, Dell computers); and we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate.  If anyone tried to do that they would get a serious ass kickin'.
 6)  Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments.  If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington.  If you visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or we'll kick your ass.
 7)  We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so  shut up about it.  If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen, or  we'll kick your ass.
 8)  Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk casing.  Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee.  DO NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains no kidney beans, this will get your ass kicked into next week.
 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know they are not.  Many of us have visited Northern hell- holes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it.  If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home -before we kick it.
 10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English.  We talk this way because  we don't want to sound like you.  We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying.  All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's all that matters.  Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.
 11) Don't complain that certain areas of  this state "smell" of  oil. If your livelihood depended on those wells you'd soon learn to love the aroma.  Besides, None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Cleveland, Ohio.
 12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners.  We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others.  We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are expected of civilized people.  Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass-just like they did ours.
 13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small towns.  We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime infested cesspools like Baltimore.  Make fun of our small towns and we'll kick your ass.
 14) DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked).  Criticize the  barbecue and you may go home in a pine box-minus your ass.
 15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the  first place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol  off the Rio Grande and put them on the Red River (where they really belong) to keep your ass out. 
 16) Enjoy your visit.

1.Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 
 2.Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
 3.Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
 4.Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
 5.Only in America....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
 6.Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put ouruseless junk in the garage.
 7.Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 
 8.Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
 9.Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 
10.Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

IN A PATH WHERE I DID SO WELL,
I MET A BOY I LOVED SO WELL.
HE CAME INTO MY HEART BY ME,
BUT NOW THIS BOY HAS SET ME FREE.
HE TOOK THIS GIRL UPON HIS KNEE,
AND TOLD HER THINGS HE NEVER TOLD ME.
FOR THIS I KNOW THE REASON WHY,
FOR THIS GIRL WAS MUCH PRETTIER THAN I.
I WENT HOME THAT NIGHT AND CRIED ON MY BED,
AND NOT A WORD TO MY MOTHER WAS SAID.
MY FATHER CAME HOME LATER THAT NIGHT,
AND SEARCHED THE HOUSE FROM LEFT TO RIGHT.
THERE THROUGH THE DOOR HE HAD BROKEN DOWN,
AND SAW ME HANGING WITHOUT A FROWN.
ON THE BEDSIDE THIS NOTE WAS FOUND,
AND IN THE NOTE THESE WORDS WERE BOUND:
DIG A HOLE, AND DIG IT DEEP,
IN A MARBLE TOMB FROM HEAD TO FEET,
AND ON THE TOMB PLEASE PLACE A DOVE,
AND TELL THE WORLD I DIED FOR LOVE!
             
                BOYS                                
BOYS ARE SWEET
BOYS ARE CUTE
BUT THEY ARE JERKS
WHEN THEY GIVES YOU THE BOOT!!

HEARTS                
A HEART IS NOT A PLAYING THING
A HEART IS NOT A TOY
BUT IF YOU WANT IT BROKEN
GIVE IT TO A BOY!! 
                
WHEN AND SINCE YOU ARE CLIMBING UP THE LADDER TO SUCCESS DON'T LET THE BOYS LOOK UP YOUR DRESS
THEY'LL SAY YOU ARE CUTE THEY'LL SAY YOU ARE FINE
NINE MONTHS LATER THEY'LL SAY IT'S NOT MINE!! 
REMEMBER BOYS COME AND GO,
BUT FRIENDS ARE FOREVER!!

A FRIEND

A FRIEND LIKE YOU TO HARD TO FIND
YOU'RE ALWAYS TRUE
YOU'RE ALWAYS KIND
WHERE CAN I FIND A FRIEND LIKE YOU?
A FRIEND SO KIND TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!                
               
                         I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU DIVINE
PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR BUBBLE GUM
YOU ARE SITTING ON MINE!!

QUESTION 
DO YOU LOVE ME
OR DO YOU NOT?
YOU TOLD ME ONCE
BUT I FORGOT!!

Of coarse men were created first, 
you need a rough copy before making a perfect finish.

GOD MADE THE RIVERS
GOD MADE THE LAKES
GOD MADE YOU
HEY!  WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!

01.  Call her the next day.    
02.  Always laugh at her jokes... even if they're incredibly lame.     
03.  Tell her (truthfully) that you can't wait to see her again.    
04.  Offer her a backrub, without asking for one in return.    
05.  Call her just to say you were thinking about her.    
06.  Bring her a teddy bear and chicken soup when she's sick.    
07.  Write her a poem.     
08.  Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).    
09.  Bring her flowers for no reason.                     
10.  Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello.    
11.  Always remember your anniversaries and bring her something sweet.    
12.  Kiss her in the middle of a sentence.                            
13.  Take her for a walk at sunset and stay to look up at the stars.    
14.  Tell her something about you that no one else knows.    
15.  Remind her that you still think she's beautiful.    
16.  Watch a sappy movie with her.    
17.  Surprise her with a candlelight dinner.    
18.  Never stop trying to impress her.
19.  Tell her you love her.
20.  Never forget how much she means to you.                     
21.  Give her great big hugs for no reason.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Something to think about.....  Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND
There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized.  The island is a direct representation of hell. Nobody on the island wants to be there, yet none are able to leave.  Each one of the characters represents one of the 7 deadly sins:
 
Ginger represents LUST - she wears skimpy outfits, is obsessed with her looks, and is a borderline nymphomaniac.
 
Mary Ann represents ENVY - she is jealous of Ginger's beauty.
 
The Professor represents PRIDE  - he is an annoying know-it-all.
 
Mr. Howell represents GREED - no explanation needed.
 
Mrs. Howell represents SLOTH - she has never lifted a finger to help on any of their escape plans.

The Skipper represents two sins:  GLUTTONY - again, no explanation needed and
ANGER - he violently hits Gilligan on each show.
 
This leaves Gilligan.  Gilligan is the person who put them there.  He prevents them from leaving by foiling all of their escape plots.  Also, it is HIS Island.  Therefore, Gilligan is SATAN.
 
Crazy?  He does wear red in every episode.
 
Things that make you say hmmmmmmm.