THE SKETCHES

Hello, and welcome to the definitive collection of my sketches. Amassed from the archives that I've kept since sometime in mid-1997, this page and its subsequent artwork is dedicated to one of my favorite pastimes, poking fun at friends and acquaintances through the seemingly limited (but surprisingly versatile) Windows Paintbrush. Not every drawing is here--a few were lost or intentionally not saved and unfortunately the 'Quizzes' from 1996 have long been a memory. With that in mind, I invite anyone who may have some of my work saved (aside from that found here) to e-mail it to me and I'll gladly post it. You will, however, find that most of your favorites live on and can be revisited with the click of a mouse. Keep in mind that the artwork isn't presented chronologically--instead several categories make up this visual library of insults, veiled references, and, in many ways, the truth. Join me as we take a look back at so many memories--moments that have defined our lives.

FEEDBACK ON THE SKETCHES

There used to be a counter right here, but it stopped counting and now it's gone.

THE R. N. GALLERY

Hold your mouse over me

I've said it before, I'll say it again--that guy took years off my life. From April until September, 1997, I endured a wide array of unacceptable behavior work day after work day. This was how I coped.

It's no day at the beach for the horeshoe crabs, clams, or seagulls when our hero heads for the ocean.

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Here's how the classic baseball card format can be used to point out one's foibles, even when the subject is instead suiting up for his favorite English footballing squad.

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Not for anyone with a weak stomach, this one features our friend evaluating a new look during a slumber party with another of Scheduling's much-maligned characters--we'll call him S. D.

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Many will recall the "HUD home"--here was the predicted housewarming party. This marked the first appearances of Big Baby, Tim C. Majors, and Mark, as well as Mrs. R. N. Note the names on the food dishes.

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I was told I could never top this one, although I believe I disproved that more than once on later occasions. Several new faces emerge here, along with a lovelorn S. D. still in his slumber party regalia. I recall Evan laughing for about 45 minutes.

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Here we see R. N.'s nemesis working a short-lived stint at Adult World. When I first sent it, I listened as Jen giggled at each little nuance...until she got to the bottom. The 'BAD CHECKS' list was a favorite.

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This one didn't go down in history as being all that memorable, but I think most would agree with the sentiments. Wishful thinking indeed.

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Getting back to the HUD home, it wasn't long before word spread that a spare room was available. Yet somehow there didn't seem to be any takers, contrary to this sketch. Surprisingly not many people used the clues to figure out who 'Cindy' really was. Take notice of the blue nerf ball, it pops up several other times.

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Then came the day they finally sent R. N. to another team, literally because he was such a pain in the ass. Some new characters appear again, along with the hapless S. D. So was this the last time we'd see R. N. in a sketch? Certainly not.

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WHAT THEY'LL DO AFTER SCHEDULING

October, 1998 saw the bumbling Television Guide announce it was embarking on a brilliant, well-conceived plan to move only its scheduling duties to Tulsa. While most people correctly assumed that a fiasco would ensue, just about everyone began to consider new lines of work. At this time I decided to use the information I'd gathered about various folks and incorporate it into a prediction about their future. Amusement followed, particularly mine.

Here's David, taking to a new line of work with true zeal while a special guest gets into the act.

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Mike fulfills a dream of working for his lifelong hero, Jack Johnson, while thinking of something else he'd like to fulfill.

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That crazy John, always getting into wacky predicaments--here he helps turn a lad's hopes of making some afterschool cash into a precarious situation.

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Yep, that's Kerns--clean-shaven and having a go and the world's oldest profession. Luckily Will Majors stops by with a load of cash, along with some inner turmoil.

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Making off with a familiar and handy headset helped launch Renee's new career--we all knew she'd end up affiliated with Hustler somehow, but who would've thought in this capacity? Nice to see Evan developing one of his interests as well.

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Jason had a fit trying to determine who was crank calling him. Finally the frustration took its toll.

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The haircut may be different, but the tone of R. N.'s existence remains the same.

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Tim opts to follow his musical idol, 'late' of the Chemical Road.

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It's Kevin, trading in his Marvin the Martian coffee mug for some smooth trumpeting. Look for this one in the bargain bin.

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Few can top Lisa's California adventure, though she ultimately proves she's not above the law.

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S. D. will do just about anything to score--maybe he should instead be focusing on The Sasquatch as she lurks in the background.

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James does a 180, going from alternative to politics.

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'Cindy' decides to help the family around the house the only way she knows how.

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Luckily Gos always has a job if he needs it, although you'd think he'd advance a little further.

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Sean takes his love for the Packers to an extreme.

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I decided there was no point in continuing if I couldn't find work outside of the "awfulest place on Earth." As you'll see, onlookers have varying opinions.

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Finally, the heart and soul of Scheduling chooses to accept new surroundings. As always, it's business first.

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THE MAJORS AND FRIENDS

Good-natured Tim B. Majors has long accepted his role as frequent sketch target, as this section proves. Look for plenty of Will Majors- and Phoenixville- related mayhem with the usual participants as well.

A trip to Spectator's in the summer of 1998 spelled nothing but trouble for both Tim and Evan.

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Things hardly improved back at 322, as Will Majors only contributed to the difficulty. Bystander Mark correctly assesses the event.

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See how this popular feature of The Price Is Right suggested something Tim preferred to keep under wraps...while an interested onlooker shows he's happy about where the chip fell.

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While not a Phoenixville event, the 1998 Folk Festival had its share of craziness. A great time was seemingly had by all, save Mark.

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Justice's fuse was long, but eventually the differences he had with his roommates forced his hand. Meanwhile Mark was still stung from being snubbed at the Folk Fest.

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This landmark three-part sketch was based on the famous Sgt. Pepper album cover, complete with a two-part key. At the time, everyone I'd ever sketched was included and a number of new folks appeared as well. Be sure to catch Mike's specially commissioned airplane.

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Watching NFL Football at Mark's during the 1998 season was always worth some mighty laughs, especially when an old friend decided to return something at precisely that time.

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The snowy AFL Awards Banquet at 322 Bridge in January, 1999 allowed for all kinds of tomfoolery, including a glittering getup that made Will Majors the belle of the ball.

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Rainbow Lundt's hired plane is at it again. If only Tim had actually been in The City of Brotherly Love that day.

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She's known by many names--Bus, The Scheduling Buick, The Michelin Woman, The Crushinator. See how she was part of something everyone was excited to learn about--Mark's proposed lyrics to one of Evan's songs. Note the detail on that Fender Stratocaster.

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As Justice prepared to meet his fate the following week, his pals threw a bachelor party in his honor. I think that's all the lead-in you need.

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October 1999 saw kooky Will Majors moving into his own pad in Limerick, PA. Just seeing the way it went on moving day makes you wonder what kind of zany adventures will happen next.

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Sadly, the karaoke-themed 2nd annual AFL Awards night didn't take place at Will Majors' house. So let's use the power of our imaginations to picture the scene...

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See how snowstorms affect different people in different ways. Here's a look at how some of the sketch regulars spend their time when Mother Nature makes things difficult.

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I did this one just to make fun of Mark.

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And now, the probable outcomes when Mark competes in the karaoke finals at Cloud 9 in Phoenixville. We're through the looking glass here, people.

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Tompky decided to leave charming Phoenixville behind in August, 2000. Let's check 'out' the new place and see the effects of...some other changes.

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ODDS & ENDS

Here we have some other off-the-wall happenings, although that doesn't mean the Majors and friends don't make their share of appearances.

The Television Guide's Help Desk was graced with an unforgettable temp for a brief period in early 1999--her physique and some other criteria led me to call her 'Jane Earl Jones'. That said, see how James paid the price for innocuously taking off the key next to the '1' on his keyboard.

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St. Patrick's day was celebrated in a converted Philadelphia warehouse by a few of us. While it was about as much fun as a trip to the dentist's, there was still plenty of room for the usual shenanigans as a smitten Tim whiled away the evening at home on the phone. And who's that handsome gent at the bottom?

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April, 1999 saw the end of my suffering in the Scheduling Department. This sketch was my way of saying "farewell" to all. But as we know, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

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Multi-colored Mike's days at T. V. Guide soon came to an end as well. See how he combated the emotions of leaving friends behind by the power of imagination.

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The spring of 1999 featured a housewarming bash at the home of everyone's favorite chick, Renee. As usual, it was a evening full of little trysts and subplots.

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Well if it isn't the world's most fun-loving rock and roll band, the Chemical Road, at a typical rehearsal. It's a wonder Buck and Eric can keep their mind on the music with all the fondness they have for each other.

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As John moves on, he's got some tricks up his sleeve as he tries to go out with a bang.

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A newspaper sighting placed nostalgic favorite S. W. performing stand-up comedy in the Philadelphia area. It's a safe bet to imagine things are pretty scant in the laugh department.

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A recently unemployed Gos envisions the perfect solution to his income dilemma.

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Graham looks back at the life he leaves behind after successfully popping the question.

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So you're wondering how everyone's Christmas shopping is going?

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I hope you've enjoyed this looking back through the sketched world of your favorite personalities. Until next time, watch out for those hired planes.