Everything you every wanted to know about the history of Insipia - but couldn't
be bothered to ask!
The History of Insipia
A long, long time ago and then back some more years (say about 1125 AD
March 19th, twenty minutes past six in the morning), the sun rose sleepily
over Castle Death and filled the city of Anadeem and the hills and valleys
of Insipia with a thickly yellow slurpy light.
The castle, its name unchanged in centuries, had been built by the
notorious and murderous ruler Krang the Unmentionable (Indeed it was
very unwise for the living to mention Krang because they would very
soon find themselves to be *not* living). After his death, the spirit
of Krang lived on. His goulish presence fed from the evil forces
generated by his successors.
At least that was the case until the benevolent sovereign King Reginald
the Only.
After Krang there was Gouge, Gouge II, Lucifer, Gouge III, Lucifer II,
Gouge IV, Drogon, Lucifer III, Drogon II and finally Reginald (the
*only* one called Reginald).
It was intended that he be christened Gouge, making him Gouge the fifth but
thanks to the Curate, Reginald the criminally incompetent writing his name
in the wrong part of the parchment, Reginald it had to be.
No matter how many times his tutors tried to instil into him
the ancient and noble art of Thoroughly Evil, with a name like
Reginald, the fates were against them and with the crown in the hands
of the Good Sphere (check out the trivia page for more
details on Spherism) Krang's poor tormented soul was reduced to haunting
the lonely halls and corridors of Castle Death in the vain and forlorn hope of
feeding his dark hunger.
In a last gasp attempt to lure Reginald into the Dark Sphere they married
him off to the Sorceress Canolaga, daughter of the Grand Wizard of Nimaria,
Insipia's neighbouring wizard-dom.
Due to the influence of the Light Sphere in Reginald the marriage was
doomed to failure
and the ex-queen Canolaga lives a bitter and twisted existence in Rose
Petal cottage on the outskirts of Anadeem.
The King re-married and his second wife, Queen Hortence, produced him a beautiful and
dainty daughter, the Princess Fleurtacia.
Together they rule the Kingdom of Insipia in a fair and good manner, but the Dark
Sphere will never rest while the Kingdom aligns to the Good Sphere.
Who is Herman?
Herman is a simple shepherd who lives in the city of Anadeem in the
Kingdom of Insipia. He tends a flock of the King's sheep in the Northern
fields and is about to have 'a very bad day'.
Though an honest and noble profession, shepherding (or ovine relocation engineering
as those versed in its practice call it) does not pay a great deal, only half a
shekle a month.
Now, there's not a great deal you can do with half a shekle. Well alright, you
can change it for ten groats, oh and it'll buy you a woman for the night at the
Lamb and Werewolf (not one of those ex-dancers I grant you but Old Elsie who
cleans the toilets)...but I digress. It's very difficult to feed yourself on
half a shekle a month but hey, what the heck, perks of the job and all that. So you
lose a lamb every now and again (to the wolves, hee! hee!).
You wouldn't think anyone would mind, would you? Well you'd be wrong! It seems as
if Grunt, the leader of the Castle Guard (yes, apparently when he had to fill out his application form - he
couldn't write and, er, he couldn't exactly speak very well either, so the bloke filling
the form out wrote 'Grunt' for name because that's what he heard) was running this
little scam that involved selling off the King's livestock to some of the region's
healthier and wealthier nobility.
So when Grunt noticed the numbers dwindling, he hauled Herman's carcass
before a hastily convened hearing and got a conviction of 'Sheep Worrying' and a sentence
of 10 years in the castle dungeons.
Fancy that, a weakness for his fourlegged charges dropped him right in it. The
verdict - a swift and harsh punishment you might think, when 'sheep worrying' was in
fact chasing the flock with a jar of mint sauce. However, if you'd have seen the
state of his shirt afterwards, I think he got off lightly!
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