OK, back by special request - The Great
Chicken Joke as Applied to Prog Rock attempt at humor -
Have fun and don't groan,
Meistro
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This old dumb joke:
Q. "Why did the chicken crooss the road?"
A. "To get to the other side!"
- as applied to various "progressive rock group" chickens....
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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
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Gentle Giant chicken - Likes to cross the road, but is annoyed by those little
motor-vehicle things that sometimes get squashed under its feet.
Magma chicken - goose-stepped across the road while
speaking in toungues. It was dressed completely in black
and sported a familiar runic symbol on its breast.
Heldon chicken - started crossing the road in an electrifyingly
anarchistic manner then exploded in a fireball half-way across.
Gong chicken - Spent many days grappling with the koan - if a chicken
crosses a road and no one sees it do so, did it really cross the road?
After meditating on this for a while, it created a road crossing mantra to
insure a harmonious and joyously enlightened crossing during the full moon.
Genesis chicken (with Peter) - danced across, then spread its wings
and ascended slowly into the sky. Then the sun came out and all the
peoples of the world rejoiced. The new Jerusalem was at hand. Utopia found.
Genesis chicken (after Peter) - kept promising it would cross tonight, tonight,
tonight... but it never did. And will it ever? Inquiring minds want to know.
One thing is certain - it certainly cannot dance, but it sure can drive the last spike...
Musical Box chicken - (See above, with Peter)
Anekdoten chicken - This chicken was so heavy it cracked the
pavement as it crossed in a slow lumbering stride. It was also
dressed in dark purple velvet and had painted the tips of its
toes with black nail polish. Bork, bork, bork, sigh.
PFM chicken - Crossed the road quickly but was muttering to itself
incoherently and had terrible garlic breath.
Argent chicken - puffed itself up and tried to strut menacingly across
the road, but it wasn't fooling anyone...
Hawkwind chicken - Made it almost all the way across when it was
abducted by evil sadistic cryogenically recycled alien acolates
from Zorkon Beta 5QX7 who were collecting Earth specimens for
interplanetary scientific research.
Fonya chicken - crossed the road on the gossemar wings of an angel.
Soft Machine chicken - This totally hip chicken was wearing
totally rad rectangular spectacles that were so dark and
cool looking, it couldn't see where it was going. It managed
to eventually improvise its way across the road while pissing off
fans of Jimi Hendrix.
Robert Wyatt chicken - crossed the road followed by a devout band of acolytes from
the United Church of Our Lord and Savior Robert I-upstaged-Jesus Wyatt.
Legendary Pink Dots chicken - not knowing what a road was, this chicken
crossed a gulfstream instead. Remember, relativity over objectivity equals art.
Edward Kaspel chicken - Cross the road while you
may, kwewhhbvfbihsbiadbkunwbfxcv, or whatever!
Manfred Mann's Earth Band chicken - tried crossing the road at night
but got blinded by the light of an oncoming coal truck and was
blasted clear across South Africa. Presently rehabilitating, while
listening to old Dylan and Springsteen bootlegs.
Henry Cow chicken - crossed the road without incident...one body part at a time.
Fred Frith chicken - crossed the road without incident...1/8th of a body part at a time.
Ozric Tentacles chicken - It's feet lifted off the ground a few
inches and it levitated gracefully across the road.
It sported a scratchy wool sweater and "Dread-feathers"
and it's sunken eyes were like those of an oversized Bassett Hound.
Echolyn chicken - Crossed the road hundreds of times in hundreds
of different ways, all in the blink of an eye.
Finneus Gauge chicken - Crossed the road thousands of times in thousands
of different ways, all in the blink of an eye.
Van Der Graaf Generator chicken - flapped haphazardly into the middle
of the road, then rolled onto its back, kicking its legs in the air
clucking incessantly.
Peter Hammill chicken - Did the same as the Van Der Graaf chicken, but
it also pecked at the pavement violently until its beak was chipped
and bloody, then stared painfully into the sun yelling verses from
The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner.
Nektar chicken - crossed the road accompanied by its own amazing light show.
It was mesmerized by the psychedelic visuals, but later on it moved
to New Jersey where it got homesick and died. Suddenly unearthed and
brouht back to life in June, 2002.
Caravan chicken - crossed the road amiably enough promptly at half past four,
after having a delightful cup of tea and crumpets with marmalade preserves.
Camel chicken - Flew all the way from Mountain View, California, to
London just to cross a road in front of people
who would recognize who it was.
Steve Hillage chicken - crossed the road and was enlightened to the
insight that there is an infinite number of roads to cross, each
a lesson in the Universal knowledge of existence and the unwavering
and limitless power of unconditional love as expressed through the
magickal medium of musick.
Yes chicken - Steadfastedly refused to cross the road. Period.
Rick Wakeman chicken - Thumbed its beak at the Yes chicken and waltzed across
the road while eating some KFC and chain smoking unfilter Camels.
Patrick Moraz chicken - tripped and fell down half-way across because some
idiot left a half-eaten bucket of KFC lying in the middle of the road.
Miriodor chicken - This chicken crossed the road without incident.
However, upon closer inspection, you would notice that this chicken
had 5 wings, 4 legs, 3 beaks, 2 heads and 1 eye.
Focus chicken - This chickenus crossed the roadus while yodelingus.
Hatfield & The North chicken - Went up to the road and tinkled,
then caused chaos at the Greasy Spoon by volunteering to "share it"
with the waitress, who happened to be Amanda Parsons.
Djam Karet chicken - crossed half-way, then turned and streaked off
following the center line. Sometimes people have reported the
siting of this glowing green chicken racing down roadways
all over the world at night accompanied by an eerie wailing noise.
Banco chicken - was so busy crooning Mantovani it never made it past the median.
5UU's chicken - cackled insanely as it ran in circles all over the road
before managing to cause a major fatal 7-car pile-up.
Solution chicken - Was unfortunately run over by a steam-roller.
It's yellow velvet bell-bottom trousers survived, however.
Univers Zero chicken - This chicken started to slowly cross the road
in a most peculiar manner. Then it began to smoke and emit an awful
stench. Feathers, beak and body slowly melted into a viscuous pool
of putrid, greasy, lumpy black slime which burnt through the pavement.
Present chicken - This chicken started to slowly cross the road
in a most peculiar manner. Then it began to smoke and emit an awful
stench. Then an alien hatched from its breast.
Utopia chicken - Named Runt, this chicken got confused and ended up wandering
around the middle of the road until a bat out of hell scooped it up.
Harmonium chicken - crossed as lightly as a dove high on helium.
ELP chicken - shot like a cannon across the road, accompanied by swirling
fog, atmospheric explosions and fireworks. Tickets to see this highly
hyped event were $34.95 and/or �53.
Triumvirat chicken - Tried to cross the road like the ELP chicken, but ended up
not making it all the way across. An angry mob of people who felt they'd
been cheated out of $34.95 and/or �53 chased it for miles, but it escaped.
King Crimson chicken - Started to cross the road, but when it got to the center
decided that the whole idea of chickens crossing roads was stupidly
conceited and overdone. But after sitting on the shoulder watching all the other
chickens crossing merrily, it decided it really did want to cross after all.
Pink Floyd chicken - This half-machine, half-animal chicken,instead of
crossing the road, would flag down cars and either peck the drivers to death
or bore them to death with endless tales about how humanity is damned
to eternal sorrow, pessimism and lassitudinal ennui. We are doomed. Sigh.
Gryphon chicken - Saw how formidable the road was and came to
the logical conclusion that it didn't need to cross the road and went
frolicking in a field of daisies and butterflies instead.
Ethos chicken - I think I can...I think I can... I think I can...
Amon Duul chicken - Crossed the road by running through a drainage culvert,
marveling at the way its movements echoed through the galvanized steel.
Went into the Black Forest to experience nature on LSD.
Amon Duul II chicken - Crossed the road like the Amon Duul chicken, but it was
suffering from delusions of grandeur, thinking it was a secret agent on a
mission to find out where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.
Jethro Tull chicken - Crossed the road with a merry wee hop, skip and a jump!
Rennaissance chicken - Crossed the road with our most lovely and talented
Annie 'Better than Maggie Reilly' Haslam leading the way, followed closely by
her sidekick, that guy... whats-his-name, guitar player.
By the time they made it to the other side, they had lost the rest of the band...
Alien Planetscapes chicken - crossed the Milky Way instead.
Mike Oldfield chicken - shyly crossed the road when it was sure no one was
looking. Incidently, it made the road it crossed. Also, it manufactured the
asphalt used to make the road, as well as chip the rock used in the production
of the asphalt, as well as invent the use of pavement for
roadways to begin with.
Larry Fast chicken - crossed easily enough, emphasizing the point strongly
that ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO GUITARS WERE USED in the road
crossing process. Disappeared for years only to suddenly reappear with the
Nektar chicken in June, 2002.
Traffic chicken - Started to cross eager enough, but got distracted half-way
across, then lost interest all together.
White Willow chicken - Sprouted Faerie wings and fluttered across the road.
Grobschnitt chicken - was so busy clowning around in the middle of the road,
it didn't see the Coca-cola delivery truck until it was too late....
Faust chicken - crossed the road accompanied by an ear-splitting claxon of noise.
Egg chicken - crossed the road easily, despite all the traffic, passing lanes,
overpasses, exits, breakdown lanes, service vehicle right-of-ways, stop lights,
railroad crossings, police roadblocks and mad rioting podiatrists.
National Health chicken - Rumor has it this chicken was made of an alien metal
alloy, but that would not have helped it anyway. It got run over by all the traffic,
lost on the overpasses, stuck on the exits, paralized in the breakdown lanes,
chased off the service vehicle right-of-ways, held up at the stop-lights,
stuck indefinitely at the railroad crossings, arrested and interrogated at the
police roadblocks and finally executed by a bunch of mad rioting
podiatrists who were sick of treating people with mangled feet who had attempted (and failed)
to master 'The Collapso' by Dave Stewart.
Dirk Mont Campbell chicken - got into a pissing contest with the Dave Stewart
chicken to see who could cross the road in the most complicated way possible.
Dave Stewart chicken - (see above).
Discipline chicken - We are chickens of ephemeral nothingness and every chicken
road crossing is a personal trail of tears through the darkest pits of hell.
Anglagard chicken - would only cross the road at night by
candle light - it was more dramatic that way.
Can chicken - BECAUSE IT CAN! End of story.
Cassiber chicken - genetically splicing a platypus and an anteater together
should be this much fun!
Flower Kings chicken - Hey, everyone else is crossing the road...
Utopia chicken, redux - Proved beyond doubt that lanky pop crooners from Philadelphia
could indeed form prog-rock bands as formidable as Yes, but it only crossed the road
long enough for his new cohorts to persuade him to return to the side
of the road where you don't want to work but you can bang on the drum all day........
Questions? Comments? This page maintained by Meistro (Otherwise known as
The Botched Non-Linear Time Reincarnation of John G. Perry and Janik Top)