THE GROUPIE LOUNGE

On Being a
Rockapella "Pretty Woman"
by Diane

(just remember, this comes after the thrill of being onstage with guys, so
the recollection's a little hazy from the excitement)

    There I was, sitting in the first seat right next to the stage on the Kevin Side, two tables away from Sarah and Danielle (who were dead center), enjoying my third Rockapella concert. Tricia was across from me, and my boyfriend Chris was behind me (I'd turned my chair so I was directly facing the stage). Kevin starts wandering around, talking about the holiday spirit, exciting the already-hyper crowd (this was the 10-something show, which started 10 minutes before 11, and the alcohol had been flowing for a while). I thought he was doing his schtick before taking some lucky lady out of the audience for "Pretty Woman," but he kept talking about the holiday spirit, so I figured I was wrong. He headed in our direction, looked at me, then Trish, then this woman next to me wearing a Santa

hat, then me again, and asked me if I had the holiday spirit, which of course I said yes to. Considering I'd been to my office Christmas party, had WAY too much sugar (two different kinds of chocolate mousse cake!) and was wearing a red velvet shirt, I'd say I had the spirit. So I was excited 'cause Kevin was talking to me, and then he asked me to come on stage. He took me by the hand as I stepped on my chair, half-anxious, half-terrifed, and got onto the stage.

UP ON STAGE

     Blinded by the lights, and controlling the urge to scream like a banshee (even though I was screaming before I got on stage, every time Scott wiggled his hips), Kevin introduces me to all the guys. Scott leans over and aks me my name again (wonder if he's hard of hearing or has just gone through this too many times to remember the chick's name?). Elliott shakes my hand and says, "I'm married." Somehow I come to my senses enough to say, "I know. And you have a beautiful

baby," which makes him smile. Kevin talks to me a bit more, and then turns me around and there's Jeff and his shiny pants and a goofy look on his face, and he says, "Hi." And then Barry, the man with a voice so deep it needs it's own area code, introduces himself, and again I say, "I know." Nervousness kicks in when I realize where I am and who I'm on stage with...the guys from Rockapella! Kevin says that we are going to do a holiday song, and I'm starting to worry, thanking they want me to sing, in front of professionals and God-knows-how-many people! Heck, I didn't even sing in front of Chris during the first six months of dating, let alone professional musicians who might kick me off the stage for not being up to their caliber. They bring over a stool for me to sit on, and I try to look cool: on leg straight down on the floor, the other on the rung of the stool, pretending I'm Fonzie because I'm terrified of falling off the stool and making a fool of myself in front of all these people.

"It's Diane...You know, like
the goddess"

    Kevin falls to his knees in front of me and starts improvising a song to me: "Oh, Diane, Diane" -- kinda to the tune of "Oh, Donna" -- before they start up "Pretty Woman." I put my head down in embarrassment, turning as red as my shirt, but then figured, what the heck, this is my one and only chance to be on stage with these guys, lemme have some fun! I can't remeber everything in order, but here's what I do remember. . . Elliott comes over and sings to me, and I touched his shirt like Jeff did 'cause it was some kind of funky fabric -- sorta space-age NASA material, and purple to boot! Barry came over and put his arm around me, asked, "who's your daddy?" and I put my head on his shoulder. They all crowded around me, and one of them (Sarah says it was Elliott -- perhaps payback for me touching his shirt) rubbed the arm of my red velvet shirt. Scott took my hand and brought me across the stage, and he started dancing in a way only Scott can. I stood there for a sec, checking him out, and he kinda swiveled his hips at me, so I

bumped hips with him, and he looked surprised, because people just stand there in shock, then smiled and we danced for a bit. Scott leaned over and whispered, "This is where you walk over to Kevin now." I practically flew across the stage and stood behind Kevin, who was singing to the audience, his back to me. I waited a second or two, then tapped his shoulder. He turned and gave a big, shocked-looking smile, then sang directly to me, and twirled me around a bit. When they finished the song, he hugged me and gave me my free CD. Jeff came over and put his arm around me and led me to the curtain, and said I had to go backstage, 'cause it's safer that way. There was a guy backstage to show me how to get back out. At this point, I started started shaking from nerves -- kind of a delayed reaction to being onstage with the guys. I finally got to my seat and collapsed, barely able to breathe from the excitement and the pounding of my heart.

POST SCRIPT
     We hung around after the show, like the groupies that we are, and I got all the guys to sign the cover of the CD liner. They all thanked me and told me I was great, because no one ever does anything onstage. I confessed to Barry (the one I find I can to talk the easiest) that I was terrified, but he said it didn't show.

[photos by T. Tranquillo]

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