My husband and I bombed a Laundromat. We did it several times about 14 years ago with a weapon so pernicious and insidious that I'm afraid to reveal it here for fear of putting it in the hands of terrorists.
I'm referring to our daughter's diaper pail.
We were first-time parents trying to do the best for our baby and the environment by using cloth diapers. We figured that the benefits far outweighed the inconvenience of poking ourselves with pins and swishing out diapers filled with pasty green poops in frigid toilet water. We soon found out that a week's worth of dirty diapers festering in a tightly sealed diaper pail, cooking in one of the hottest summers on record, creates one of the most toxic odors of our time.
We couldn't afford our own washer and dryer so we had to transport this bomb in the back seat of our car to the Laundromat. I'll never forget the day the lid popped off while we were driving. The smell hit us like a truck. I scrambled over the seat in a panic to slam the lid back on while my husband tried to drive with his head hanging out the window gasping for air.
Nothing compares, though, to the moment when the steamy hot water hits the load of diapers inside the washing machine. That steam rises out into the air, carrying a treacherous cloud of wicked devil baby vapors. We tried to act cool, as if we didn't notice, while others rushed outside for a cleansing breath of car fumes and factory emissions. I'm sure they were convinced that we had a baby who could spin her head completely around.
These weekly bombings became so embarrassing that we were forced to scrape together some money for a washer and dryer at home. If the military or the Feds are ever faced with a hostage situation, they should deploy a few strategically placed diaper pails, and they'll clear out any building in seconds.
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© 1997 cynnerth@aol.com
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