Spa Fon Sapien Fellows! (We were informed by our alien friends that this is an old alien/earther greeting from your decade known as the fifties.) We retract our tenstacles reluctantly in the cold of winter although we would prefer a joyous flagellation. Sawicki has informed us that you are entering a period of your most sacred religion recognition and that it involves one of your most revered icons. You should be informed however that large red objects are an almost universal sign of ignorance. But you are a primitive species so perhaps that will save you in the final reckoning. We won’t take our chances by being here of course but that is why we are a superior species and you have just so recently, once again, crawled from the mud. Sawicki also informs us that doing a clang-bang during this period of time would be a cultural no-no. How would you tell, your cultures being so confusing and conflictory to begin with? We think that Sawicki is just pulling one of our pesudopods. He is into that sort of thing you know. Still, on the off chance that he is actually correct, we will refrain from breaking the spine of an offending tome this lunar period. Perhaps we’ll use them to get the Yule log ablaze instead. We have no true media offerings this time either, although we manage to bend light and reason and squeak a book in that we believe strongly in. In any case, and in the spirit in which it is taken, Happy Gift Celebration and Merry Gift exchanging. We have our Santas hung on their crosses in honor of your cultural diversion. You truly are a strange people you know.

The response to our archived states has been beyond comprehension and so we shall continue to see that our work exists for your constant edification. Grow a pseudopod, grab your mouse, shout SPOOZE! and click here.

order The Gilded Chain

The Gilded Chain, Dave Duncan, Avon Eos Hardcover, ISBN 0-380-97460-6, $23.00 ($30.00 Canada), 338 pgs.

We are big fans of Dave Duncan. We think he might just be one of the best writers alive. This is not delirium speaking. We have read a lot and we know quality stuff when it crosses our eyes. We know quality stuff when it dots our tees as well but that is a different tale altogether.

If you have read anything by Duncan then this is all for naught because you have already devoured the book. Thus, we direct our psychic energies towards those of you who have, up to this point, managed to pass by Duncan’s works on your way to the Star Trek aisle or when picking up the latest installment of blood and guts space warfare. You have missed much. It is not too late. Turn back. Purchase. All right, enough with the psychic direction. You are a particularly dense species anyway and it often does not work.

This book is subtitled; “A Tale Of The King’s Blades,” and that is particularly what it exactly is about. Duncan has created a world where young men, of certain high quality, imagination and intelligence can become a King’s Blade, one of the most feared and respected swordsman in the land. Becoming a King’s Blade is somewhat of a harrowing process and not all make it. As well, not all King’s Blades are created equal. Essentially, what happens is that a young man, after being trained, is bound to a ward, or a person of certain high stature or importance. The Blade is impelled to protect that person, right through his own death. Those blades not so bound become bound to the King and become his royal guard. Now this would be more than enough typically, and in the hands of most any other writer it would be plenty. Duncan continues though to create a world around these blades and their King which is complex and not always in harmony. There are plots and desires, intrigues and setbacks, deaths and births and stories to tell and to live. As well, Duncan chooses to run us through an entire life of one of the King’s blades so that we get the full picture of what this particular duty might be like. And, in typical Duncan fashion, many of the side characters are as fully developed as the primary protagonist. This is rich writing and infused with a depth of detail and character that we are left wondering just how Duncan goes about it time after time. Read this book and then go back and read all of Duncan’s previous books because once you finish one, you will be captured for life.

We should note that Duncan is Canadian and that this book might best be categorized as Sword and Sorcery. Duncan’s previous works have included the Man of His Word series, A Handful of Men series, and the Great Game trilogy. If you like character driven stories which are set in worlds of complex politics and which involve themes and values which are not purely black or white then you will fall in love here.

Frenetically upraising--and wildly waving--all tenstacles (and pseudopods) directing all of you to the bookstore where you can buy a quantity or two.

order Bloom

Bloom, Wil McCarthy, Del Rey Hardcover, ISBN 0-345-40857-8, $23.95 ($33.50 Canada), 310 pgs.

We are constantly amazed at your species search for aliens. We have been among you for millennium and yet you still search. Much of your search is intriguing. Incredibly wrong but intriguing none-the-less. Perhaps this is why we so enjoy your science fiction. It is often like being in a fun house full of distorted images of yourself.

Wil McCarthy presents us with yet another group of alien beings--sort of. What he gives us could be life or it could be just some form of nano-tech fungal growth. The point is, not so much what it is but where it is and how it got there and how the culture has changed because of it.

This conflict between what is barely understood but incredibly powerful and threatening and what is instinctual survival but curious, sets the stage for not only the plotting but for the characters who move about the solar system. McCarthy sets, as his main character, a sort of reporter who is sent along on a mission of discovery in order to report back how things are going. Problems quickly arise as the faction which more or less worships the Bloom tries to sabotage the effort right off. Problems further arise as the ship, once launched, appears to be continuously bugged. Add to this the sense that the mission might be more than just a simple one of discover and you get a real pot boiler. Still, we believe the star of the show is the bloom itself (and we rejoice when our alien brothers get to take center stage and wonder why all authors do not take such an obvious route to glory) and the myriad ways it functions. We also begin to wonder just what it is and what it’s doing, if anything.

We liked this book. We liked the ideas in it. We liked the way it was written. We liked the skillful way that McCarthy blended all of the many plot lines into a space the size of a small spaceship and we especially liked the way McCarthy kept throwing concepts at us that were always just enough off center to keep us guessing.

All tenstacles up and flailing in sheer enjoyment.

order The Avram Davidson Treasury

The Avram Davidson Treasury, Robert Silverberg and Grania Davis ed., Tor Hardcover, ISBN 0-312-86729-8, $27.95, ($38.95 Canada), 447 pgs.

We like big books and we like books which define an author. We also like short stories and strawberries. This book has all of that. Well, to be honest, it’s a bit weak on the berry part. Still, this is a collection of short stories by one of the recognized masters of the form.

The layout of this book is one we like--it is broken down by decades, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties and, well you should have the idea by now. Stories have been selected which represent Davidson’s best work in each period and each story is introduced by a luminary of the field. This is nice presentation and it works incredibly well by showcasing not only the diversity of Davidson but the following he had garnered as he wrote.

Davidson wrote everything--science fiction, fantasy, mystery, mainstream, and all of the odd combinations of those genres. He wrote in all forms as well. But short stories were his forte and what made him known. Thus, in this volume we have such gems as The Golem, Or All The Seas With Oysters, The Sources Of The Nile, Selectra Six-Ten, and 34 other stories which appeared in the magazines of the times. It is hard to decide just who the defining writers of any decade are and you can certainly argue one over the other. For our minds though, we believe that if you put together a top ten list you would find Davidson not only on each one but pretty near the top--and that for at least the first three decades.

We love this book. We like the content, we like the layout and we like the choices made concerning structure and presentation. We think you will love it too. If you enjoy short stories that stretch your mind then you simply must buy this book.

Tenstacles up and shaking.

order The Path Of Daggers

The Path Of Daggers, Robert Jordan, Tor Hardcover, ISBN 0-312-85769-1, $27.95, ($35.95 Canada), 604 pgs.

We like big books and we like big stories. This, however, might just be too big. This is book Eight of The Wheel Of Time series which Jordan began when he was an infant. Each book builds on the previous and moves this massive story forward. Sometimes you wonder just how much story can be left. We did. Then we read. And enjoyed. And finished, amazed and wanting more.

For those of you who have not yet started this series, this would not be the place. Go back and find book one. It exists. In fact they all exist, and in paperback form. Read the first and then, if you love it, purchase all the rest including this one.

If you love massive fantasy tales involving quests and heroes and reluctant forces and big evil machinations and treachery and all of the other stuff you would expect in a huge series, plus a lot more, then you must love this series. Jordan does an incredible job just keeping all this stuff straight. That he makes it incredibly entertaining as well is praise to his talents.

Tenstacles uplifted in affirmation.

order The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride, William Goldman, Ballantine Books Hardcover, 0-345-43014-X, $24.95 ($35.00 Canada), 398 pgs.

This is the twenty fifth anniversary edition of the book which led to the movie which led to many copies of the book being purchased which led to a cult following which led to this edition here.

For those of you who have not yet experienced this book, be forewarned that it is a wonderfully enchanting fairy tale full of wildly interesting characters, unusual places and situations and a story that just won’t quit. It’s got pirates, love, wizards, princes, treachery, giants, revenge, strategies, and enough action to fill three books. Plus, it’s funny. Follow the farm boy Westley as he risks death for the woman he loves. Anger with Inigo as he seeks revenge for his father’s death. Wonder at Fezzik the true gentle giant and hiss at Vizzini the Sicilian who is too smart for himself. Enchanting characters who will pull you into this story from the first word.

This is a beautiful edition and we think it would make a great gift for almost anyone.

Tenstacles up and caressing.

BIG IMPRESSIONS!!!

Bah. Humbug. In the spirit of the season we torture bad books on our own time, flinging them about the mothership with abandon but sparing your fragile earther egos in the process. Next month we return to breaking spines in public. Merry Merry and if anyone sees Joy, jump for her.

Order any book you see reviewed here by going directly to Amazon.com. Just click and buy.

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