my innerds

Well, ok...about myself. From the picture above...you can see what I look like, and I do look prety much like that still, except i have since shaved my head....there will be an updating picture soon. I was born in Sarasota florida, and moved to New York when i was 5. I've lived in this little 3000 person village, Silver Creek, my whole life basically...but that doesnt mean I'm of that mentality. High School was..well...probably no different than most other peopleas High school....I wa sont he swim team, i sang a lot, and had a lot of fun with my friends. Even though the education itself was almost a joke, the social aspect was what truly formed me. Some of the greatest memories i have are from that time, and I'll never forget my friends, or anythign wild and crazy we did. Well then after hs, i did my college thing..which i'm not done with yet, by any means. I did two years of it being a chemistry major, and decided that i can not live the rest of my life with no creativity. So here i am. 19, and havign to decide what to do with the rest of my life....very hurridly. My parents are worried that I'll never have any "direction" in my life...and all i really want is to be happy. I'm trying to meander through my muddled thoughs, and grasp onto something i think would make me happy for the rest of my life, but the truth is, I've just sort of recently discovered myself, and it'll take a little while before i can decide where to go to in the future.


Ok....that was basic stuff, now for soem major beliefs of mine. As for religion...right now I consider myself agnostic. I was baptized catholic, but rejected that whole way of like when I was 11 (after my first comunion). Agnostic basically means that one doesn't care. Right now I am at a period in my life where it doesn't matter to me. When it comes to a time where it DOES matter then I will sit down and try to decipher my beliefs, and that could be any time..it just isn't now. I have a lot of friends who are very firm in their belifs and who are very religios, and I think that is really cool. So, really, I don't care what religion anyone else is.


I am a vegetarian and have been for 5+ years. I am because when I picture eating meat, or when I used to, I could se veins and bloodvessels, and blood, and it truly disgusted me. I know lots of people who are vegetarians for the wrong reasons..i.e...because they think it's "cool" or because they want to be "alternative" (whatever the hell THAT is). I do own leather sandals, which I've had since before I switched over. If my owning these makes me a hypocrite, then so be it. But rather than completley waste them by throwing them out, I have gotten impeccable use out of them (they are 4.5 years old, and I have worn them almost every day, year round since I got them...they are actually rotting now :) )


I am pro-choice, and I am a feminist. If I had the chance to be a gay-rights activist I would take it in a second. The fact that I am a feminist doesn't mean I hate men...believe me, I DON'T, I just think that women aren't given the credit and rights they deserve. As far as homosexuality goes....to me it's as "normal" as heterosexuality, and I have a problem with anyone who thinks otherwise. But I don't like to get into fights about it. I consider myself to be bisexual, as i think is fundamentally true of every human being, despite what has been beaten into their heads for probably most of their lives.. I have had feelings, but since I haven't had a whole lot of actual experience, I can't say for sure. You'll have to go to the numberline question to fully understand. Oh...pro-choice. I belive it's the woman's right to choose whether or not to have the child. Plenty of mybest friends are adamantly pro-life, and we've had plenty of discussions on the subject. I usually don't like to discuss it however, because it leads to people getting way to involved and upset. I absolutely REFUSE to preach any of my beliefs. I hate when people shove they're belifs down MY throat, and WILL NOT do so to anyone else.


Hmmmm...some hobbies...I love singing, and swimming, and making these really cool personalized cards. Lately I have been writing poems and haikus a lot, and I have one short story, and one very long one...which is still in the works (and has been for a year). I'll eventually put all of thsoe up on th page. I love dancing...to cool music (not rap :) ), but if you saw me, you might not really consider it dancing. I flail....I go absolutely nuts...it's aweosme. I love it. Oh eyah...and I love to dance naked in the rain :)


MUSIC.....ok the major influence in my life....I started singing at the age of 7, and then started competing at age 11 or so. I sang all through school...and had excellent teachers to guide me through...I love acting, and did so in the high school musicals, and I also did a little community theatre. My main music taste...well...pretty much everything. I don't much care for rap, or the really twangy country, or Micheal Bolton. I love classical, jazz, indusrtial, industrial-techno, "alternative", new age, classic rock, oldies,pop, transe, ska, and folk. Pretty much everyhting. Classical may be my favorite...as for bands, composers, singer, and whatnot, I have a page full of music links that will show my favorites there.


Ok now the "psycho-analogy" part.....I'm a very outgoing person, and I love to make friends and stuff. Spontaneity is what really excites me, because I hate things that get stale. I'm also very self-conscoius...much moreso than almost anyone realizes. It compeltely controls me, which is something that I have to work hard at not to get out of control. Some people think I am very strange, and I have been told by many that I'm one of the hardest people to figure out. Probably because almost nothing inhbits me. I will comptely go with the moment. I am sadistic, which means I get pleasure out of inflicting pain. I am not so much masochistic...I do like nibbling and biting, but not a whole lot of pain. I love to draw blood from my victims, but its a rare occasion that i have someone who enjoys that. I'm very open about my sexualiy...including turn ons and whatnot. I tend to repress feelings...to the point where, sooner or later, i shall explode. When i do explode...i lose all sense of myself. I lose most eveyr feeling i had for a while. There is no telling when it wil come back, or if it even will at all. I dont enjoy any of that one bit. But i have some aweosme friends who help me through. Another thing...i am absolutely addicted to cuddling. To touch really...i'm an extremely affectionate cuddly person, it goes along with my beign LEO (and i must say i am the epitome of :)) sometime when i lay in bed at night, i get physical pain from the lack of touch. It sucks but there isnt a whole lot i can do about it.


Up to this point in my life I haven't had a whole lot of relationships...but I don't really care. I have some fricking aweosme friends who mean more than anything to me. I couldn't be who I am without them.


I have had a couple serious relationships in my life. And they werent serious like marrige or anything, just love. The first one taught me what i need out o f a person., and a relationshiop. And it also taught me that i had no idea what love was at that point. So often people rush into love...without even paying attention. And then they say "i love you" without even really thinking about it...and so it loses meaning. Those three words are soooooo strong to me, almost scary. Right now in my life, i am no where near ready for a really serious relationship. I am for the most part single, and the only thing i can say i really miss about a relationship is the cuddle factor. I'm not oging to rush into anything serious, and i do hope i find someone to spend the rest of my life with soemday, but I'm only 19 now and still have a load of fun and life ahead of me. I have had hearache...and yeah it hurts like hell. and I'm still not totally over it...but i know it'll go away and my life will get on. And i know ther'll probably be plenty more of it out there...but it would do me (or anyone else for that matter) absolutely no good to sulk for months and months. i'm not going to waste my life being sad about someone i lost, and i hope none of you do either.



Well...I really can't think of anything else right now...I'll put it up if I do.


enjoy...I always do :)

Oh yeah...I'm addicted to raw jell-o and bunnies RULE!!!!


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