Do you ever have times when your life feels absolutely jerked out of place, out of time, out of where it should be?  That feeling of absolute displacement is about to drive me crazy.  Nothing is right.  Nothing is the way it should be; not with my family, my friends, nothing.  

I am going to jump out of my self soon.  If things do not change Celia will no longer be Celia, she will be displaced into something else.  But what difference would that make?

If in my life nothing is the way it should be, if no one is who they should be, if I suddenly were no longer myself no one would notice or care would they?  I would just become part of this new landscape of life and a new reality would begin, right?  Am I to the point where I would welcome that?  Would this new state of altered-ness be stable or would I feel just as "wrong"  there too?

Maybe tonight all my repressed emotions from the past few months are bubbling up and that is why all this is coming out.  Maybe I am experiencing some early stages of break down.

I do not feel connected to any thing anymore.  There is nothing to which I feel grounded.  

I need to disappear.