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Copyright
Everything here is unique creative content and therefore protected by U.S. Copyright laws. Who says the government never did anything for me? Well, except for the joke page (public domain stuff), and the cartoons (posted with permission). And I guess the saved camera views and links to other pages don't count either. Whatever, my stuff is my stuff, copyright © 1996-2007. All rights reserved. Reservations must be made at least two weeks in advance.
Atomic Advice
Believe it or not, some lawyers can really mess up our lives. So I feel compelled to inform you that Acquire Atomic Advice is provided for entertainment purposes only. I'm not a doctor, lawyer, tax accountant, probate analyst, midwife, physicist, management consultant, oceanographer, marriage counselor, city councilor, hypnotherapist, hydrologist, haberdasherist, (or any other -ant, -ist, -or, -er or -ian), although I play one on TV. I reserve the right to edit, reject, ignore, or just laugh at any submissions.
Linking
If you link to any pages on the Nuclear Toast web site, please let me know. Not only is it polite, you'll also help prop up my fragile ego.
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General Disclaimer
Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling the contents can be harmful or fatal. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. Improper use may result in pregnancy. Apply only to affected area. Colors may, in time, fade. Slippery when wet. For official use only. Edited for time and to fit your screen. Keep in a cool, dry place. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. May be too intense for some viewers. All models over 18 years of age. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. All times approximate. Simulated picture. For off-road use only. You must be present to win. Keep away from fire or flame. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. Restaurant package, not for resale. Do not remove this tag. Driver does not carry cash. Some assembly required. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Not the Beatles. Batteries not included. Keep out of reach of children. Call before digging. Not to be used as a flotation device. Use with adequate ventilation. Your results may vary. Test for colorfastness in an inconspicuous location. Do not take internally. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Do not puncture or incinerate. Not responsible for lost or misplaced items. Avoid contact with skin or eyes. Warn children of the danger of electric shock. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Not to be used as eye protection. Model shown includes optional accessories. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Contents under pressure. For entertainment purposes only. Shipping and handling extra. May contain one or more of the following. For a limited time only. Alcohol 12% by volume. Sanitized for your protection. Employees and their families are not eligible. Contains substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. No postage necessary if mailed within the United States. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Contents may be illegal in some locations. Discontinue use if rash or skin irritation occurs. This supercedes all previous notices.
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