"Doom-Like" Game Programmer Arrested

In a tragic ending to what began as a normal interview, a computer programmer developing a new version of a "Doom-like" game was arrested for assault. Police say that Mark Frohnmayer was being interviewed in front of a live audience of computer game enthusiasts when he suddenly "went berserk" and began attacking people, injuring six, one severely, before he could be wrestled to the ground by the stunned onlookers.

Police spokesperson Sgt. Wayne Festerman told TFN, "The crazy head nerd was up there on the stage, and some other geeks on the stage were runnin' the interview, and some of the losers in the audience were asking the fruit loop some questions, when he suddenly went all psycho-like, jumped off the stage and started choking some pocket protector pansy to death."

The formal interview had completed, and Frohnmayer was entertaining questions from the audience. One question, on a subject that Frohnmayer was apparently sensitive about, began a heated exchange, which led to a shouting match that resulted in the violent attack.

The audience being what it was, the whole incident was digitally recorded by almost everyone in attendance. Recordings show Frohnmayer growing increasingly agitated when questioners referred to teams of players as "clans." He finally interrupted a young questioner with a diatribe about the proper term for teams in his game. "They're called 'tribes,' you puke-licking llama!" screamed Frohnmayer, with spittle on his lips.

On hearing the response of, "Tribes, clans, what's the difference?" Frohnmayer became violently enraged, let loose a guttural scream, and leaped off the stage. Before he could be restrained by the pasty-faced crowd, one innocent youth lay unconscious, and five others writhed in agony from nasty Indian burns. Authorities reassured the public that the victims had it coming anyway, since they probably didn't "have a life."

Dave Georgeson, spokesperson for Frohnmayer's game company employer, Dynamix, soothed anxious fans of both the game and the programmer. "We're listening to the Tribes community, and we're hearing everyone ask the same question. And the answer to that question is, Yes, we will still ship Tribes 2 on time. And lookee here, I even have 4 new screenshots!"

Georgeson later told TFN that Dynamix is all about the fans, and that means releasing the eagerly anticipated Tribes 2 in the next few months. The company worked out a deal with the Bollox County Detention Center allowing Frohnmayer to have his computer in his cell, in order to continue his work on the game. "Frankly, the community couldn't care less if he rots in there," said Georgeson, "as long as we release the game on time. q0wn3d!"