Bush Expands War on Terrorism

President Bush expanded the United States' war on terrorism this week by adding a new foe to the "axis of evil" facing the nation. "There is a scourge on our national conscience, a menace to multiplayer principles, a cancer in online computer gaming," said the president in a speech at the Western Minnesota Gamers Convention.

"These TKers are the worst sort of terrorists," continued the president to thunderous applause, "the kind that don't even do their evil in real life." The so-called TKers, or "team killers," are players that slaughter members of their own team in online computer games, such as Tribes 2.

Experts understand why the TK mentality persists. "They do it for many reasons," said one expert at the convention. "Some are clueless newbies that don't realize the effects of their sloppy shooting. Others are either spiteful or angry at teammates. And some are just rebellious anarchists that refuse to follow the rules of team play and sportsmanship."

Political pundits agreed that the president was continuing the anti-terror theme of his State of the Union Address. "It is both our responsibility and our privilege to fight freedom's fight," said the president in the address. "Our cause is just, and it continues."

Civil libertarians were alarmed at the announcement. "I know that TKers annoy the hell out of true gamers," said a spokesperson for the ACLU, "but I mean, come on. Do we really want the FBI to start arresting 15-year-olds for being a-holes? Hmm, come to think of it, maybe we do."