EPA to Clean Up Tribes 2

The United States Environmental Protection Agency has announced that as part of its mandate to protect human health and to safeguard the natural environment, it is requiring Sierra, maker of Tribes 2, to reduce the emissions caused by the popular online game's vehicles.

"Like all industries in our country, we want Sierra to comply with applicable legislation, such as the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act, and President Bush's Clear Skies Initiative," said EPA Administrator Christie Whitman. "It is our goal to make Tribes 2 as clean and pure as I made the state of New Jersey when I was its governor."

At issue are the "emission trails" left by vehicles in Tribes 2. According to the EPA, the trails left by flying vehicles aren't contrails, since they occur even at very low altitudes. While some Sierra supporters argue that ground vehicle "emissions" are really dust trails, the EPA counters that these trails are seen even on ice. "One of the worst polluters on any environment is the Beowulf. And the speed of Shrikes and Wildcats ensures the emissions are widely distributed through Tribes 2," said Whitman.

Sierra Tribes brand manager Alex "Marweas" Rodberg was puzzled by the EPA's action. "I don't understand why we're supposed to make a virtual reality system comply with regulations designed for the real world environment," he said. "Although, we're trying to please the whole Tribes community with one patch, so we might as well attempt one more impossibility."