For You

do i feel emotions?
or memories of emotion?

is it possible to discern
love
from the memory of love?

when you have loved someone so long, how can you know?
whether you still love them?
or whether...
you are going through the motions of loving them?
without truly loving?


i have not lived long,
but in that time i've lived, i've made so many mistakes.

so many things i've done wrong.
so many things i regret having done.
having said.
having seen.

does making a mistake make you wiser?
does this mean i am a wise man?

ha.
men who say they are wise are usually proven wrong.


did i love her?
did i only act to love her?

being an actor, does this mean you can tell a good performance
from a poor performance?

was this a spectacular charade?
or was it a beautiful reality?

i could not tell.
in my heart i loved.
in my mind i loved.
in my spine i loved.

but somewhere, deep inside my cynic brain...
i wondered.

"Do I love her?
This seems too good.
Too good for reaity.
You never have things this easy.
It must be...
It must be...
You don't really love her!
This is just an act.
Another spectacle...
Improv, yes... but Love?
No.
So end it."

i was foolish.
i listened.
and i ended it.

but i was wrong.
the cynic inside me was wrong.
the romantic inside me controls me.

and i love her, still.

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