Get your own Free Home PageI was sitting in my room, on my couch, scarfing a little plastic cup of Luigi's Italian Ice (Lemon flavored- damn good stuff.)
I was contemplating my friends and ?romantic interests? when I came upon and unusual an somewhat frightening realization.
As it is a little difficult for me to submit my deeper thoughts for public scrutiny. (although this may stay in this little notebook...) I may need to break into this gradually, bare with me. (Yes, I know I sometimes put personal feelings into my poetry, but that I can always deny those as art not having to do with me. And this is written in the first person...)
I was mentally reliving a friends personal home page (he's in the links...) and I started to actually think... the way man was meant to think-- not about dances and cocktail parties but about friends and love and emotions.
Now straight to the point before I retreat into philosophical opinion.
I realized I loved him.
Strange, right?
Now, I do not mean in a sexual way, but in a... well a much deeper way than physically. Or even romantically. Besides, I am not of the homosexual ?persuasion?, despite that the ignorant percentage of the population would oh-so-sagely refer to me as a "fag lover", for I support a "sexual revolution" and believe greatly in choice. (Damn my liberalism, right?)
But when I came to think about it, I realized there was a female (can't say "girl", and I abhor the words "lady or "woman") that I loved in the same way. Not sexually-- though she is very attractive, I doubt such a relationship could ever birth between us. (Philosophical and political debates do not make for the greatest foreplay.)
Now you personally may say "What the hell? Who cares? So you're capable of Love..."
But for me, Love is an incredibly powerful word. The most powerful, in fact, for no other words is as completely void of adequate synonyms as Love is. So perhaps you now understand my puzzlement (or "famboozledment", as I enjoy saying) at this peculiar situation.
Do not mistranslate my words, I have loved girls before, two of which I actually dated. ("Two?" you say, "That's all? Such a loser..." But I take relationships perhaps overly sincerely.)
And I've felt companionship towards some of my friends, and still do for a very few. I've felt appreciation, gratitude, and respect for parental units and relatives. I've even had respect and admirations for... teachers (shudder) and some others.
But this? This was Love, the way I always thought it should be. For these two individuals, I could talk unabashedly, uncensored, and with no modified attitude or vocabulary, and know that they understood what I meant as well as, if not better, than I did.
Kindred spirits. If I were looking to be highly literary and needing to feel intelligent, I would do as many gaudy and incredibly shallow essays have done before me and say "Webster's dictionary defines 'kindred spirits' as..." But I don't think I need to act or feel superior, so "skip dat shit".
These two people ARE kindred spirits, hopefully to me as well as to each other. (for I know they are kindred to each other) I believe this at the moment. "Come the dawn", I may or may not. It depends on whether I sleep on my side, my back, my stomach, or simply levitate several inches above the bed.
Till then, dear "twin" and the one to whom I am his "Love God" (or was it "Goddess"?), farewell till the 'morrow.
Signing off, tap my skull like a beer keg...
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