Untitled

endless
senseless

these words, these letters, float by,
as if in a vacuum
where everything means nothing
and life is the skull
on the pin of a head.

but there is something

i don't know what
i don't know how.

love is not the answer for me anymore.

love is...
beautiful,
greatness,
strength,
pride,
sharing,
confidence,
acceptance,
compassion...

these things. great things? but why...
but how...
could they not be the answer?
if love is these, then truly, love must be the most splendid of all things.

and yet, i say it it not for me.

it isn't, this is true.
why?
it makes no sense.

but what does?
war,
disease,
hatred,
prejudice,
destruction,
assault,
attacks,
death...

these things. they do not make sense.
is there anything that does make sense?

love.
it makes sense.
and yet it is not for me...? why, how,
can this be true?

because i have destroyed it.
when you hit a dog, does it love you?
or is it afraid?
does it run away, in fright?

when you hit a child, will it smile?
laugh? play with colleagues?
or does it cower?
hide in a corner, in darkness?

and this is why.
i have hit love.
i have abused love.
i have destroyed the love i had.

and now, it is not the answer.

and now only friendship can remain for me.

but in that, there is something... something almost like love.
and so i seek it.
and i repel the hatred.

people... people can release their hatred.
through fighting, through crying...

people can bottle their hatred.
lock it up, keep it away.

i can not do this.
one is too confrontational.
and the latter only delays the first.

so i repel it.
i use my shield, my golden shield of silver engraving.
i deflect it.

but i do not deflect as with a mirror, to send the anger to others.

i know some who do this.
they are not happy people, so it seems.

i deflect my hatred with a shield, a tarnished, multi-faceted shield.
and so the hatred is repelled and scatters.
disperses.
in directions as unpredictable as infinite.

and it is no longer seen.

and that... that is hope.

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