A Certain Lack

Oh Lordy
was I mistaken!
Oh
to be fodder and muse
for these unseen forces

I flatter myself
They aren't interested in me
I flattered myself
and found that neither were you

Yet we happened anyways
I think it was more
than just the alcohol
I think there was an innate desire
within you (within us)
to want to be loved
even if only for the moment
which is what
we had agreed to

What I wasn't prepared for
was the backlash
the accusations
the sadness
the hurt

I know you're angry
with me
with yourself

We were wrong
consensually wrong
and I accept the banishment
as if I have a choice

Know this though:

Though there is no "us"
anymore
I still love you
even if
it's only
for
me