Fuck you for this

a blank piece of paper for your thoughts?

my mind thought soaring and screaming

a dime a minute for all your life

but now it's changed

a white wall for your terror and aggression

to take it all out of you rip it out of you

to feel the sharp pain of regret and damnation

surge throughout your body

dead black eyes coal impressions on a pale face

can't stop reading the words over and over

didn't capture them all to memory

thank you for that

continuing anger and pain over and over

and hate and sadness infinite sadness

you feel infinitesimal compared to her - beautiful

tightly only to block away the hurt

you squeeze your eyes shut

where does the sinking feeling get yout onight?

where will it ever take you?

so you can tell him not to call you

you'll call when you're ready

and he mumbles yeah whatever from the corner of his soul

the fall back plan was set up long ago

a few days actually

it feels like years and months and i can't stop crying

thinking about the time

the year through which we bonded

it was never good enough

never stop

never walk

always fuck and fuck and fuck

and i hate you for it