the Net.Clueless FAQ to Vampire Hunters
- What is a vampire hunter?
- A vampire hunter's main objective is to look for vampires. (If you didn't get that right
then perhaps you need to read the FAQ of common sense.) As everyone knows, they
may not be limited to exclusively hunting vampires; they usually are involved in other
supernatural projects at the same time. (i.e. witch hunts, were hunts, ghost hunts... you
get the picture.) They come from all different races and all different backgrounds yet
the most common type of vampire hunter seems to be the male stereotype where
he either inhereted his position, believes that vampires are indeed evil
and must die, or his family/best friend/girlfriend died through the results of a
vampire. Contrary to popular belief, not all vampire hunters are crazy and not
all of them are bent on erradicating the (limited) vampire population. Think of
the majority of them as "scientists" who want to work for the good of humanity. Likewise,
not all of them are vastly rich or hobo wackos.
- What do vampire hunters look like?
- Because vampire hunters come from all four corners of the world and from all types
of backgrounds, picking up a coded style of dress is next to near impossible. In fact
I will say it is impossible (but not improbable). For the most part, a good vampire
hunter dresses for comfort, for convenience, for the occation, for the era, and for the money.
If you can spot a vampire hunter from afar (besides the obvious tools of the trade), then
s/he isn't doing a very good job of vampire hunting unless it is their percieved intent.
- Vampires say vampire hunters are dumb. Is that true?
- No. Vampire hunters are, in actuality, quite intelligent for the most part. Some of
them carry M.A.'s, Ph.D's and work as professors at various universities or
colleges. A varying lot are college students (undergrads). However, as in all
cases of a profession, you have your really idiotic and careless people. Now,
if a vampire reading this, you're probably chuckling to yourself at how stupid
this FAQ is and how we'll never catch you, you're immortal, you got powers...etc...
Well, let me say this: Laugh now but the last laughs gonna hit you in the heart...
- What are vampire hunter habits?
- Vampire hunters, unlike most college students and highschool students who pull all-nighters
are very much like your everyday joe except they have a strong tendency to sleep during
the day and go out at night. This is attributed to the fact that they monitor vampiric habits
from time to time and in order to do this, must keep the "nightwatchman's" hour. However
during times of the final strike (as we are so keen to call it), we actually stick to the normal
hours and sleep at night when one vampire has been put to final rest. Otherwise, we eat
chinese food and drink LOTS (I mean pot fulls) of coffee. A credo has sprung from this
which states, "Coffee is your friend." Unfortunately, no, there are no offical vampire hunter
coffee mugs. :( We're working on that though.
- How do I spot/get in contact with vampire hunters?
- Currently, there really isn't any formal agreement between one hunter and the next
but your best bet is to either contact me (Vampire Hunter C) and work out some sort
of contact deal or post to *alt.vampyres*. The former is
much easier but becareful when dealing with the latter. True it's pretty subversive to use a
usenet group of a species we're trying to eradicate but these days, the covert operation "take
'em from within"works best for a lot of people. Besides, its a lot more fun.
*NOTE*: If you decide to post on alt.vampyres, there are some general rules to follow to
be sure you make it out alive in enemy territory. First of all, DO NOT be annoying and start
saying you're gonna kill every single vampire on the group. It's stupid, rude and frankly,
we're trying for the secret approach here. Curtesy amongst the dead is a must! Failing to
do so may result in the loss of your soul. I cannot stress how many would-be or
ex-vampire hunters have fallen in combat using the direct method! Remember, the
good hunters are never known; the bad ones are never seen again.
- Okay I read the FAQ. But I have more questions. What do I do?
- Email all questions to Vampire Hunter C with the subject header "QUESTION" and I will
try to answer them when I have ample time to do so. If your question seems fairly redundant
they will make their way here to the FAQ in an effort to calm down questions. Please do
be reminded that I am NOT a Goddess and cannot answer your email pronto but will do
so as humanly as possible. I can be reached at ankhenra@geocities.com.
Likewise, if you are a vampire hunter and would like to contribute something or correct
something in this FAQ please put the subject header "VH:QUESTION" so you won't get
lost in the shuffle. Thanks. :)
Geocities made this possible. But I made it happen.
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