After George talked more on how Melissa should pay attention and not talk back to teachers, he suggested that she find a topic by actually talking to her family.

"What wrong with that?" he asked when Melissa protested.

"They won't talk to me," she answered.

"Don’t be silly, just try it and see."

"Oh Daddy..." Melissa groaned, sliding down in her chair. She knew by the way her father suggested it that he had talked to her brothers and sisters already. Her parents always did that--went down and made her brothers and sisters be nice to her, as if she didn't know. Her new outline was due Monday, so Melissa waited until Saturday, the day after George told her to talk to them. She figured they might have forgotten that they had to talk to her and ignore her like normal. Then she could just think up her own topic.

Troy and Yolanda were in the living room on the couch, deep in conversation. They had apparently taken a break from studying their scripts. Yolanda was bent earnestly over Troy, who was leaning back on the couch, trying to aim the remote at the T.V.

"Don't be such a baby; Brian should know about it," she was saying.

"Then you tell him, I could care less," Troy said. He aimed the TV remote at his twin, in an attempt to turn her off.

Yolanda waved away the remote. "Troy, I'm serious."

Troy shrugged. "It's not like someone wrote their names in blood or something."

"Are you talking about the roster?" Melissa ventured to ask. She sat next to them on the couch.

"Yeah, kind of. But we were rehearsing, Melissa." Yolanda knocked Troy on the arm and they picked up their scripts.

"That's not what you were talking about before."

"Melissa, we're busy. Why don’t you go ask Patella and Brian what they're doing?" Yolanda said, which brought a snort from Troy.

Melissa stood, straightening her back. "I will. I probably could find out what's going on before you guys do."

"How? Pat and Brian aren’t going to tell you. And you’re only at the high school twice a month, we’re there three times a week. Just forget about it Melissa, this isn’t for little kids."

Here again, the same thing she heard at school. Melissa was sick of it. She be outnumbered at school, but she didn’t have to take it from the twins.

"You know, being older doesn’t make you automatically smarter."

"Yeah right," Yolanda answered coolly, flipping through her script, "that’s why we have to help you think of something to do for your own report."

"You do not!" Melissa said.

"Fine. Then leave us alone and go do it." Troy said.

"I will. And I’m not going to tell you anything I find out," Melissa said.

"Jerks." Melissa turned and marched towards the kitchen.

The younger Coppenhagen children could never figure out what it was that brought the often feuding Brian and Pat together on the nights George and Heather went out. The minute they were put in charge, Brian and Pat were laughing, joking and doing things together in a way they never did any other time.

Brian was cutting vegetables and talking to someone on the phone while Pat poked a fork at broiled chicken wings, listening.

"Pat says she doesn't believe Diana, and I don't believe you either," Brian said.

"Tell him they were gone a long time." Pat stood on her toes to speak into the receiver.

Brian laughed. "Oh Pat, Richard says they walked up to the store. Yeah right, my a..." Brian noticed Melissa sitting at the kitchen table. "Hang on man, squirt alert. What Melissa?"

"Is that Richard?" Melissa asked as Pat took the phone from Brian.

"Yeah, what do you want? Dinner's not done."

"I want to talk to you. Did you see your basketball roster?"

"Melissa, can this wait? I'm on the phone."

Melissa looked behind him. "Pat's talking to him."

"We're both kind of talking. Later, okay?"

Melissa had another idea. "Lemme talk to him. Can I talk to him?" Melissa got up, walked past Brian and tapped Pat's arm.

"Richard, the drug store is two streets over from the pool, it would not take you and Diana an hour to walk there and back, unless you held it up or something." Pat laughed at her own joke. "So you must have been doing something else on the way." Pat knocked Melissa's hand away as she opened the oven again. "The long way? Oh please!" Pat said. "Melissa, get back! You're going to get burned."

Brian took the phone back as Melissa hopped between them both. "Brian, let me." she said.

"What are you doing to the girls in our family? First my cousin, now my sister's about to have a cow because she wants to talk to you."

"Specify which sister, please!" Pat said.

"Here, Melissa, hurry up." Brian suddenly handed her the phone.

"Hello?" Richard said into her ear.

"Is this Richard?" Melissa blurted into the phone.

"Yeah it's me." Richard chuckled as Brian and Pat cried "Duh!" and "Who else would it be?" simultaneously.

"Don't listen to them Melissa. What's up?" Richard said.

Melissa sat back down at the kitchen table, ignoring Brian and Pat's amused glances. "Oh, I don't know. I have to write this dumb report," she said, trying to lead up to the subject.

"You're good at school, I thought you liked that stuff," Richard said.

"Not this one, the teacher made me copy down Aimee Bidarka's dumb outline because she said mine was wrong. It was the most retarded thing." Melissa stretched her legs out on another chair, blissfully ignorant of Brian and Pat stifling snorts of laughter.

"I bet it was. What does Aimee Badooka know anyway?"

"It's Aimee Bidarka!" Melissa giggled at his joke.

"Ohhhh," Richard laughed a little himself, "my bad."

Melissa was about to get to the outline when Brian came up to her.

"Okay, Melissa leave him alone." he said, reading for the phone.

"Wait, Brian, I have to ask him something!" Melissa said, covering the mouthpiece.

Richard heard anyway. "Ask me what?"

"Melissa give it. Dinner’s ready."

"He was talking to me!"

"He was being nice," Brian answered, with an exasperated look at Pat.

"I have to say goodbye, or it’d be rude." Melissa turned away from Brian and removed her hand. "Richard, Brian says I have to go." She decided not to make Brian mad, or he wouldn’t answer any questions.

"What were you going to ask me?" Richard said.

"Oh, I can’t ask you now because dinner’s ready," Melissa said.

"Well, next time, okay?"

"Okay," said Melissa.

"Don’t forget," Richard said.

"I wont. Bye Richard."

"Bye Richard!!" Brian and Pat said together in syrupy voices. Brian took back the phone.

Melissa quietly sat at the kitchen table. If she let them make fun of her they might answer her questions later. She even managed a little smile.

The twins had crept up to the kitchen to listen to the conversation.

"Who you talkin’ to Melissa?" Troy said with a big grin. "Melissa wants Richard to be her boyfriend, Melissa likes Richard..." Troy cooed, bending down to speak directly in Melissa’s ear.

"Shutup." Melissa waved him away.

"Pat, Mom said to put Shake and Bake on those." Yolanda crossed over to where Pat was taking the chicken out of the oven.

"She said to cook them."

"With the Shake and Bake." Yolanda went over to the counter and picked up the box of seasoning.

Pat glanced at the box and shrugged. "What difference does it make?"

"A lot, the chicken is all dry without out it." Yolanda made a face and tossed the box back onto the counter.

"Then don't eat it," Brian said as he got out plates.

"And don't whine about it," added Pat.

"I'm not whining, Pat. I just don't see why I have to be without my dinner because you were too busy talking on the phone to fix it right."

"I didn't see you getting off your big butt to help!"

"You're the ones in charge," Troy said, stretching out between two chairs at the table.

"Move." Brian shoved him out of the way. Melissa walked around to another chair and sat down with a sigh as the same arguments unfolded that always did when her brothers and sisters were left alone. Brian and Pat against Troy and Yolanda, it started with dinner and eventually ended with everyone yelling.

She watched Yolanda slam down glasses, hoping one would break so at least something different would happen. "My butt is not big," she said.

"Keep eating Shake and Bake," said Brian. Pat laughed and nearly dropped the tray of chicken.

"Oh that's so funny, isn't it Pat? Why don't you do us a favor and drop your nasty chicken on the floor?" Yolanda muttered as Pat and Brian returned to their own conversation.

"Why don't you shutup?" Melissa asked softly, thinking Yolanda wouldn't hear her.

"Excuse me?"

Unconcerned, Melissa repeated, "Shutup. You guys always yell about the same thing. Who cares?"

"Who asked you Miss Priss? You spoiled baby, don't have to share a room with anybody."

"Mom probably gave me that room so I don't have to hear you, except at dinner." There was no point in being nice to Yolanda.

"Oh yeah, Mommy and Daddy have to help the big sixth grader do everything."

"I can’t help it if I’m not dumb like you."

"If I’m so dumb how come Mommy and Daddy don’t have to tell everybody to be nice to me so I can do my report?" Yolanda asked.

"Because you never do your homework."

Yolanda ignored that. "Where’s yours? I don’t see any paper."

"I’m working on it."

"Yeah right, why don’t you get Mommy and Daddy to write it for you too?"

The way she kept saying Mommy and Daddy grated on Melissa’s nerves. She was mad at her father all over again for talking to them--why couldn’t he see how much trouble it made? Another reason to believe that being older didn’t make people automatically smarter.

"Yolanda, why don’t you just shut up? You’re so dumb, you can’t even jump off a chair right. Plus, you’re not going to be able to figure out the other stuff either."

"I will too!" she shouted. Melissa detected a little shake in her voice.

"No you won’t; you’re too stupid," Melissa answered quietly.

"Melissa, I already know more than you, so just shut your fat four-eyed mouth!!" Yolanda was searching for anything that would make Melissa mad.

Melissa laughed. "How can a mouth be four-eyed?"

"Both of you shut up," Brian said. He and Pat and Troy sat down at the table. Yolanda kept staring at Melissa, who calmly stuck her fork in a piece of chicken with an amused face. There was quiet while everyone served themselves.

"Just wait ‘til the next time I see Richard again," Yolanda said suddenly.

Melissa froze.

"Yeah, I’ll bet he’d want to know that Melissa wants to be his girlfriend."

"Shutup Yolanda," Melissa muttered.

"Yeah, maybe he’ll ask you to the math meet, wouldn’t that be fun?" Yolanda said. Troy had just taken in a mouthful of milk, which he nearly spat out onto the table. He clapped a hand over his mouth, and swallowed hard, then laughed.

"Good one, a jock at a math meet," he gasped.

"What’s his number, we can call him right now!" Yolanda rose from the table and headed towards the phone.

"Press redial!" cried Troy. "They just called him!"

"Yolanda stop it! Brian!" In a last ditch effort, Melissa appealed to the only authority in the room. She jumped up and ran over to the phone. But Yolanda pressed a button on the phone before she got there.

"Hello, is Richard there?"

Melissa turned with stricken eyes to Brian, who finally got up and snatched the phone away from Yolanda, grabbing some of her hair in the process.

"Ow, you jerk!!" she smacked Brian in the chest. "God, I was just playing!"

Brian hung up the phone. "She just called the weather, Melissa."

"You didn’t have to pull my hair Brian!"

"Everyone just sit down, shut up and eat!" Brian said.

"I'm not eating this crap." Yolanda shoved away her plate.

"Fine, don't eat any junk food," Pat said, tearing apart a wing.

"I'll eat what I want, Pat, you're not my mother." Yolanda said, getting up and going to the cabinet.

Pat shrugged, "Well, when it's gone, I'll just tell her who ate it."

Yolanda opened a bag of chips. "Oh, I’m really scared now."

During the exchange, Melissa’s eyes followed Yolanda, making sure she didn’t get near the phone. Brian finally told the twins to leave the kitchen. But as she and Troy picked up their plates to take them into the family room, Yolanda said, "I’ll just call Richard from the other phone..."

Melissa stared miserably at her plate.

"Here I go..." Yolanda said, edging out of the kitchen.

"Leave!" answered Brian.

Yolanda turned the corner.

"Thanks for your help," Brian said to Pat.

She shrugged and nodded at Melissa. "She wanted you."

"She meant anybody, right?" Brian said. Melissa nodded at Pat.

Yolanda snuck back into the kitchen. "Hello, is Richard there?" she said.

Brian whirled around. "Yolanda, quit being a pain in the ass."

"I’m going to tell Mom you cussed in front of us."

"Mom knows you’re a pain in the ass."

"So are you." Yolanda went back out.

"Oooo..." Brian rolled his eyes at Pat and Melissa. Melissa smiled at him, but still made no headway on her dinner.

Brian watched her. "Melissa," he said, " don’t listen to her. She’s just trying to get to you because you were winning the argument before."

"Brian, I don’t like Richard." Melissa was anxious to clear this up.

"I know that."

"So call him and tell him."

"Why?"

"Call him, Brian. Before she does."

Brian shook his head. "She won’t call."

"You don’t know that, what if she’s out there on the other phone? Brian call him..." Melissa resorted to politeness, "please?"

She got up from the table and picked up the phone again. She put it to her ear, fully expecting to hear Richard’s and Yolanda’s voices. But she just got a dial tone.

"Brian, she hasn’t called yet, hurry." Melissa held the phone out to her brother.

"Melissa, if he doesn’t think you like him now, why would I call him?"

"Because Yolanda just wants me to look stupid because I skipped the fifth grade..." Melissa’s voice began to waver with desperation.

Brian sighed. "Melissa, come here." He pulled out the chair next to him and patted the seat. Melissa reluctantly hung up the phone and went over to it. She sat down on the edge and looked at the table.

"Let me explain something about guys and girls," Brian said.

"This should be good," Pat said, pouring Melissa more milk and pushing her plate towards her.

"Melissa, right now Richard just thinks you’re a nice kid," Brian said.

Melissa nodded.

"I’m sure the idea of you liking him has never crossed his mind. So if I call him outta nowhere and go, ‘Oh, by the way, my sister doesn’t like you’ he will start thinking about it. See what I mean?"

"So, you’re not going to call him?"

Brian looked surprised. "Didn’t you hear what I just said?"

"Briannn...what if Yolanda calls him? You’re not here all the time."

"Melissa, she won’t call. If you don’t say anything else she’ll forget. Besides that, Richard thinks both she and Troy are stupid anyway. He thinks Yolanda talks too much and he deals enough with Troy to know not to listen to him. Forget about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. He’s my friend, are you going to believe them or me?"

"You I guess," said Melissa.

"You guess?" Brian gave her a little poke.

"You. I believe you."

"Okay then," Brian said as they returned to eating.