Anniversary

No, today ain't my fuck'n birthday
but it's an anniversary just the same.
Took the key from my locket heart
after pouring out my corrupted name.

Bought a couple of hits off the corner
and some liquor just five paces away:
one stop local convenience for any age any day
all legal or ill drugs with carcinogenic fodder

The dealer don't look too fine
and the gun wielding store man
yesterday got buck shot number nine.
Don't worry, someone's lurk'n in the wings
to take over the addiction prone job
or ownership of a lead ridden life

But I'm not that man on the corner
or the slob worker at the counter.
Today, a day to commemorate
with cannabis smokes, no camel joes,
way laid in poppy fields, somber.

Took my heroin, a thorn to the vain.
Honeyed dreams and posies in jaded eyes
paraded crassly to pass the time.
Brightly colored pills in cellophane bags.
Thought they were sugar sweet candy
but they're just death drenched gifts,
presented with a blood red bow,
wrapped and sold with its own toe tag.

I am a man, in the dark I stand, lost...
momma when did you let go of my hand?

This the anniversary of my suicide.
I fell so low, just toss dirt on my hide.
Celebrate my passing, rose petals in the wind.
Pastries on the table, red wine to wash away the sin.
Congratulate all my surviving friends
--dear tidings will pass with time.

Everybody said I was momma's little man
but I always felt I was daddy's whipping boy.
Take a belt buckle to me
I'll gladly hide the marks
concealment in my grief, the scars are all dark.

Cast into a pit of blackness,
if I can get high enough maybe I'll just float out.
Somehow I always sink into sadness,
cast my lot in, death is the only way out.

I am a man, darkness reprimand, bound
momma, please hold my hand.

I stopped breathing and my heart goes silent
thank you lord, now I'll have some peace and quiet.
Arms stretched out, dreaming of heaven.
A flame sears my face, it's to hell then.

This the anniversary of my suicide.
Your love was pure hell, at last I confide.
Congratulate all my surviving friends.
I'm going down to hell, say your prayers, amen.

I'm at the bottom now, no way out.
A permanent denizen, crux crucified.
An anniversary to be celebrated
but I'm not Christ.
No Christmas merriment.
No forgiveness in my demise.

© 1998

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Asdzani Bah & her Pandora Box