Two letters I'll never write

Plague my mind,

Somehow.

I'm not sure why,

But summer weather

Begs into it.

The first would be to a childhood friend,

My connections to whom span

Seemingly endless time.

Never having a sister,

I half envied hers,

And halfway felt she was

A sister of mine some days.

Two small girls were drawn

Into a deep friendship,

Maybe only because of geography.

It was easiest when we were young

And still both lived in worlds

Only half real.

But as we got older the bonds

Began to fray at the edges.

I grew wiser to the world's ways,

She preferred a dreamscape.

We confided less than we used to,

Hung out less than we used to,

Laughed less than we used to.

By half past college

(I was the only one to go)

friendship was a letter or two

maybe a call on the phone.

After a lingering illness

Friendship finally slipped away.

Maybe it wouldn't have,

If I tried yet again to hold up

The sagging beast,

But sick of the pain

I finally turned away.

So I won't be writing Christine today.

The other letter is to one I used to love,

Foolishly and blindly as it turned out.

Have you ever met anyone to whom

You gave your heart after a few words?

I swore I knew him

I swore he was perfect.

A fast fall, followed by a quick shatter.

When every word was a lie,

And the mask fell away

Soaked in wine,

I wish I had never met him.

He dropped the class I begged him to take,

(he wasn't very poetic anyway)

we agreed we never needed to speak again.

The letter would begin

" Hey, I hear you're still getting by in college,

So they haven't booted you again.

Suppose you'll finish this time around?

I just got my B.A.

I'm past the 21 you kept wanting me to be,

(I'm 23 months younger to the day, remember?)

Are you still drinking and lying to the girls?

When the hell are you going to grow up?

Did you know I warned a friend away from you?

She's weaker than me, and even easier prey.

Have you changed Ryan?"

He hasn't.

Friends who don't even know why I know him

Tell me he's still a fuck up,

And since I believe them

I won't write him either.

Two letters,

Forever unwritten

Lie heavily on my mind.

-srw