Well, it's here. It has been 1,000 days since I last got some (and it wasn't that good, either). SO how is the world different? Well, the worse case scenario has occured.
Yes, I've become listless.
Perhaps you may think that I'm making too big of a thing of this. Perhaps you point out that there are a lot worse problems int he world than whether or not I score (like whether or not I ever get a fucking job). Perhaps you think I just bitch too much.
Well, it's MY fuckin' webpage so you can just stuff it.
But what WOULD happen if I ever scored? What would I have to talk about? It seems that a great deal of my material and my sense of humor is based on my general inability to score. All of my evil ex's and forced celibacy have made me the wonderful person I am today.
On the whole, though, I'd rather be rich.
There is one thing I am wondering about, though. Does 1,000 days without sex make you a de facto virgin again? Sure, I crossed the Furry Threshold a couple times in my life, but your average circus freak gets more action than I do. I feel like my cherry has grown back, in any case.
I could score, though. Hell, all I got to do is get some tattoos, take drugs, commit a few petty crimes and I'm an instant hotty. Of course, I'll have to act like a retard and lie about my education. Heck, I might even have to slap some chicks around a little to make them like me, and being the nonviolent person that I am that would be difficult. Maybe I should start taking drugs, too.
From what I've seen, in order to get laid I'd pretty much have to sell my soul. While I'm not completely adverse to this prospect, I rather not have to go through the trouble of reinventing myself. Heck, if I just slip up once, I could be in trouble. Take this hypothetical situation:
Chick: Like, where's Washington D.C.?
Me: It's an autonomous district incorporating territory from both Maryland and Virginia.
Chick: (in disgust) What??
Me: Uhhh... (slap) Shut up, bitch!
Chick: Oh, I love you!
See what I mean? It's just not my personality. I'm notoriously bad at acting stupid and one loose scientific fact in the wrong company could get me killed. The excuse "I just picked it up off the streets, man!" only lasts so long.
Nope. At my age, all the chicks worth having are already hitched. If they're not, there's a damn good reason. I also don't want to just go around screwing 'ho's, since I don't want to risk the One-Eyed Albino Pennsylvania Pants Python to their skanky diseases. It is God's Gift to Women! To spread it around like that dilutes its value.
Ah, fuck 'em all and let God sort 'em out.