I suspect that this will be the very last time I write about how glad I am to be out of that hellhole Memphis. I've taken every opportunity to tell my friends that if they ever get the chance to go to Memphis, DON'T GO. I somehow doubt that many of the Memphistians have enough brain cells to get on the Internet, let alone locate and interpret my webpage, so I'm not afraid of any retaliatory action on the part of those degenerates. Rest assured, however, that if you ARE a Memphistite, and you ARE reading this, you're clearly more evolved than the rest of your brethren, and my barbs don't apply to you.
The point on this particular entry is to announce the addition of the nutcase chick with whom I reached third base while in Memphis and then slipped into the arms of some other moron while I was still wallowing in ambiguity. She shall from hereforward be known as my Nutty Pseudo-ex. She is my Pseudo-ex because we never officially hooked up, but she CLAIMED to have feelings for me. Nutty because, well, she was.
So now my official count is: 2 chicks screwed (Schizo-Ex and Ex-Girlfriend-Turned-Evil-Backstabbing-'Ho), 4 at first base or more, and 4 actual relationships. I am SUCH a LOOOOOOOSER. Here I am, 25 years old, and I've FINALLY made out with more girls than I can count on one hand and I don't even have any good relationships to look back on. Now I'm the furthest thing from a blame-setting, control-freak, possessive asshole who goes berzerk every time I get rejected. In fact, all I ever ask from these chicks is just to friggin' tell me when it's done, and I'M QUITE explicit about that. Instead they leave me in limbo wondering what's up and generally stressing out while they go off having a merry old time screwing around with whomever.
It's not like they're trading UP, either. I'm not getting ditched for some rich, stunningly handsome, beguilingly charming stud muffin. NO, I get ditched for JERKS. Most recently, my Nutty Pseudo-Ex dropped me in favor of a bloated, smelly, control-freak who she had previously said had repulsed her. Friggin' mind games.
Chicks are like ravenous wolverines who charge into you, rip your heart from your body and eat it whole. Then they turn around and shit a big wad of black, smelly bitterness right it the gaping hole.
I'm sure you're sick of hearing me bitch about women, but that part about the wolverine eating the heart was so clever I just had to work it in somewhere before I forgot it. I'll write about something next time...maybe.