...But not in the way YOU'RE hoping.
In the last year or so, my Internet 'Ho and I have been talking via E-mail and telephone, never meeting in person. Yet, she tentalized my with distant promises of getting some like she gave to 29 other guys. Those promises have obviously never come to fruition, but now there's a new fly in the ointment.
Now I'm her friggin' matchmaker.
Yes, female hormones have finally caught up with my Internet 'Ho and she has fallen in LOVE. Her ovaries have finally kicked in with that emotionally debilitating chemical, estrogen, that has ravaged her brain. In fact, she's been a total mess for the last 8 months or so.
It all started when she banged this guy over the course of a week last year, as she did dozens of times before with other guys and several times after. This ONE time, though, she gets her heart strings involved and is about as well prepared for this as Poland was for Germany in 1939.
So who does she come crawling to for help? ME, of all people. Being the kind of person who would run over a half-squashed animal in the road just to ensure that it's not suffering, I compassionately try to solve her problem. I advise her how to get him, even though it would effectively preclude any chance of me scoring. Obviously my nads haven't been educated on the concept of the perpetuation of my genes.
It turns out, however, that a half year of stagnation was too much and that them hooking up is a forgone conclusion. Oh well.
But that's not the worst of it! She recently sent me a picture of her and a bra, which I appreciated. I turned around and gave her one of my used T-shirts imbued with my natural scent (which most chicks confess is wonderful) and a picture of me and some friends.
The sick thing is that she told me that she thought my GEEKIEST friend was cuter than me!! AUGH!! PROOF that estrogen has CLEARLY ravaged my Internet 'Ho's young mind!
SO it comes down to this: She teases me with the breaking of my nearly 1,000 days of celibacy, she asks me for advice on how to hook up with somebody, and THEN she tells me my geeky friend is cuter!
I'm such a tool.